HOW TO GET RID OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES - SuperiorMuscle.com

gearjunky · #1 02-19-04, 11:59 AM

1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry. (immediate results)

2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of charity lasts.

3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.

4. Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the "Alpha & Omega's" identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.

5. Excuse yourself from your sitting room (or wherever) ...and don't come back.

6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls. (booky, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearfull confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.)

7. Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.

8. Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.

9. (males only) Feign an intense interest in their speil. Part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosery, a dress, the whole works. (make encouraging noises [uh huh, I see...] throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7) If they're still there when you are done, Ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.

10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Racer814 · #2 02-19-04, 05:37 PM

haaaaa........I had some jehovah witnesses stop by the other day as I was heading to the gun range...I had just came out the back door and set my guns down when I saw them so nice me goes out front and listens to their speil for a minute...mostly about guns and violence....I told them I had to go and went back to get my gear..not even thinking of the irony until I saw them in their car with eyes big as saucers watching me tote two automatics , 3 pistols and a ammo box to my truck.....lol

bonebreaker · #3 02-19-04, 07:30 PM

They visit people where you are in CARS? Hail, rain, sleet, snow, whatever, around here, NC, they all ride bicycles. BB

Puddles · #4 02-19-04, 10:47 PM

I never get them here in FL but when I grew up in NY they came a lot. My dad being the good Irish Catholic man that he was, would open the door with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, usually dressed in his boxers, and would invite them in for a drink. They always left quickly.

hitmansb · #5 02-20-04, 12:09 AM

My dad threatened to sic his 130 pound rottweiller on some a few years back...he hasn't had any visit since.

Gods Son · #6 02-20-04, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by bonebreaker
They visit people where you are in CARS? Hail, rain, sleet, snow, whatever, around here, NC, they all ride bicycles. BB

tHOSE ARE MORMONS

urso8up · #7 02-20-04, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MrsPuddlesFL
I never get them here in FL but when I grew up in NY they came a lot. My dad being the good Irish Catholic man that he was, would open the door with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, usually dressed in his boxers, and would invite them in for a drink. They always left quickly.

I used to get themin my old house all the time i would just open the door and they would say something and i would just close the door and walk away they would satnd there for a few then leave. Now i never get any because i am the only house on the block and the rest of the block is wooded

RebelAngel · #8 02-20-04, 07:47 AM

I say "I'm Pagan, Goddess Bless" and shut the door.

woodard · #9 02-20-04, 09:30 AM

I was watering my lawn last summer and saw them coming. Went inside put a good porno on with surrond sound, grabbed a beer, stripped down to my boxers, and left the door open. When they came in I told them to come on in, grab a beer, the good part was coming up. The look on their face was priceless. Needless to say they havent been back.

gearjunky · #10 02-20-04, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by woodard
I was watering my lawn last summer and saw them coming. Went inside put a good porno on with surrond sound, grabbed a beer, stripped down to my boxers, and left the door open. When they came in I told them to come on in, grab a beer, the good part was coming up. The look on their face was priceless. Needless to say they havent been back.

LOL but what if they would of join?

telephone · #11 02-20-04, 06:58 PM

i just do not go to the door..

njjuicer · #12 02-20-04, 08:38 PM

i got sum funyn whit epower song son ym pc and that usual does the trick

zeratulz · #13 02-20-04, 08:39 PM

are u drunk njjuicer or just typing to fast??

DJ TurboSexy · #14 02-22-04, 12:14 AM

It's different on the other side, try it sometime!

telephone · #15 02-22-04, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DJ TurboSexy
It's different on the other side, try it sometime!

other side of what..i dont get it..

gearjunky · #16 02-22-04, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by telephone
other side of what..i dont get it..

I guess he meens go walk up to ppl's house and talk about jehovah stuff

DJ TurboSexy · #17 02-22-04, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gearjunky
I guess he meens go walk up to ppl's house and talk about jehovah stuff

LOL