How to tell a woman she needs to loose weight?(sports related)

[Shibby]

So my wife's coach(basketball) was talking to me about the best way to tell one of his player she needs to loose weight. She's 6'1" and probably weighs around 270. She red shirted this year(the team was stacked with sophmores and it's a two year school) and already had a weight problem. Well she pretty much didn't do anything the second semester and has gained more weight. It's inhibiting every aspect of her game. She wasn't the most skilled player to start. The coach will give her the scholarship since he promised her she would get it if she red-shirted this year (no scholarship this year), but he's not going to put her on the roster if she dosn't make some major changes. He has only told her that it's going to take some major dediction to be able to play next year. I told him he could give her goals to make over the summer forcing her to make some major changes, like being able to run a 8 minute mile. But he dosn't require any type of standards for anyone else. So I told him he just needs to tell her straight out. So all this you have read is my way of asking for ways to tell her .

[Karategirl]

Ok, rule number 1, never tell a woman that she needs to loose weight.
Rather than single her out, perhaps the coach should write up a general "health and fitness" guide that he gives to everyone.
Basically a sheet which includes a healthy diet and excercise plan suggesting what are good foods to eat to raise awareness for all of the girls.
She may just not be aware of what she needs to eat as a healthy diet, and he could introduce it to all of the girls as a suggestion for improving their game.

[Shibby]

Done that. I did that at the beginning of the year. It's posted in the locker room. Plenty of girls could use some work, but this one is on the verge of not making the roster. I understand you don't want to simply tell a girl she is fat, but this isn't just about weight. It's about the team at a college. It is a business and it's not highschool. Winning does matter and is what it comes down to. She needs to be told directly now because she is going to run out of time for next year. This would give her the summer to really put some work in. I'm just trying to find the best words to use to spare some of her feelings.

[Karategirl]

Perhaps rather than tell her that she needs to loose weight, a meeting should be set up to discuss her training goals.
The meeting could include any personal goals that she may want to achieve to improve her performance and ways to achieve these.
Hopefully she will mention her weight herself, and that will open the door to suggestions for eating and training over the summer.
Trust me, telling her outright may make things much worse.
If she thinks that it is her idea initially, then the impact may be less damaging to her mental health.

[THE BOUNCER]

Have a meeting with her and tell her straight up. I dont believe in all this BS'ing shit. Just say, "listen, your weight issue is having a negative effect on your game and you are in danger of not making the roster."

That would be the way I handle it. She knows shes fat, maybe she needs that type of talk to kick her fat ass in gear..

[THE BOUNCER]

karategirl, your way may work for someone that is 10,15,25 lbs overweight. this girl is 100 some lbs overweight. i cant believe she can play BBall at all.

[ROCKETW19]

Originally Posted by THE BOUNCER

Have a meeting with her and tell her straight up. I dont believe in all this BS'ing shit. Just say, "listen, your weight issue is having a negative effect on your game and you are in danger of not making the roster."

That would be the way I handle it. She knows shes fat, maybe she needs that type of talk to kick her fat ass in gear..

i agree you must be straight up with her! if she dosnt cut weight she dosnt play. that way next year if she dosnt play it was her own fault and not yours for not being clear. at least thats what i would want.

[Karategirl]

All I am saying is that there are a lot of girls out there whose weight is realted to their mental state, and they eat for comfort/soothing reasons rather than just have a bad diet for the sake of being lazy.
If you think that telling her outright will not cause her to break down, then do it.
Just be aware of the possible outcome.

[ROCKILLER]

I would attempt to combine the two. Youre never going to know how a girl/woman is going to react to something so you might as well start out subtle or at least have an all around talk. Tell her that she was promised the scholarship because she had signs of improvement. She has since gone the other direction and you want to help. Dont necessarily focus the meeting on weight but when you do get to that aspect be straightforward and help her set some goals.

[Shibby]

Karategirl I understand your points and it's been worked through a lot. That's why it's come to this. Unfortunatly at this age and level of sports you can't baby these kids anymore.

[Shibby]

Originally Posted by THE BOUNCER

karategirl, your way may work for someone that is 10,15,25 lbs overweight. this girl is 100 some lbs overweight. i cant believe she can play BBall at all.

Here she is at the beginning of the year at a lighter weight. Part of it is she probably gained and overall around 15 lbs, but also lost the muscle she had which of course is now replaced with fat. She wasn't the greatest player and her skills were already inhibted by her weight. This is a more unique situation since you don't normally have a lot of problems with basketball players being to overweight to play like you would with say a football player. The only other time the coach has ran into a problem like this was with a girl that came back from an injury. But he was also coaching at an NCAA D-1 school, so you don't have to worry as much about feelings. Here it is a small town, smaller school, and she played her first year, getting in about half the games for a minute or two, and red-shirted this year.

[redsquirrel]

IMHO, I think you should sit her down and ask her things like:

"Where do you see yourself next year in regard to the team"
- If she says 'playing BB", then move to something like:
"How do you feel your performance was this past year"
- She'll say something like " I wish I could have played more", then ask
"Why do you think you were redshirted?"
- She may say something like "I was too fat or too out of shape". or "the other girls were better than me"

That's when you say you agree, and then throw out some options on how to get her in better shape....things like "how do you do this", or "how do you train in the offseason", " what are you eating during/after/before the season". Some people just don't know how to get better. And the more people dance around the issue the harder it is. Just because the coach doesn't make the other girls do any program, doesn't mean it 's not necessary here. Those girls aren't in the predicament she's in. That's what a coach is SUPPOSED to do!!!

She obviously knows she's fat and doesn't have much skill. She may be an emotional eater and when she didn't play because of her weight, it only compounded the problem.

Many women are embarrassed to ask for help when their weight gets that out of control. But, you need to be straighforward and honest with her, because it doesn't appear that anyone else is. The reason you need to ask her the questions I mentioned, is because then she will feel someone is listening, cares about her, and is trying to help her- rather than flat out attacking her appearance.

[fog_hat1981]

At this level of the game most players who earn scholarships and don't do anything about their performance don't need a "coaching session." They need a swift kick in the pants.

Don't sit her down and get her to lead you into the conversation you want to have. Treat it as a business meeting etc.

1. Sit her down, tell her where her downfalls are - don't limit it to just weight. Incorporate other aspects of her game that need help.

2. Stress the importance of endurance and how those things will help her game.

3. Give her a plan to go by and ensure that she follows it. However, you can't babysit her otherwise you are no longer leading the horse to water, you are pouring water down its throat.

4. Give her set goals and test her on the goals at set times.

Lastly, explain to her that if she doesn't meet these goals what the consequences can be. She either wants to play or she doesn't - it's that simple and it is not up to you to do it for her.

[ludakris9]

I wouldn't say that she has to loose a certain amount of weight to stay on a team. I know that she needs to loose weight because it is effecting or playing and is dangerous to her health. Do you know if she has any health problems to do with her weight? I would make a physical test at the beginnning of year. Like someone was saying you have to run a mile in such a time. Have your team do so many ladders and running exercises at practice if her weight is a factor she may relize it by doing certain exercises because she won't be able to keep up with other girls. I would say she needs to loose weight so it isn't effecting her ability to play, but some heavy people can play basketball and keep up with in shape people. You can't expect everyone to be fit, but you can expect them to play as good as they were and improve over time. Maybe you can write up a good diet and exercise workout for all the girls to do this summer. You could sit her down and explain to her that her ability to play is going down hill and she needs to fix that. She probably already knows she has a problem and may not know how to fix it. Maybe another girl could talk to her about loosing weight. I just know how sesitive women are about there weight. That is a hard one bro. Good luck!

[Shibby]

So I talked to the coach some more and since everyone else could use the work, he told them all there are going to be some requirments needed by the time they get back from the summer. So my question is, What do you think a resonable, but quite difficult time one should be able to lower there one mile and the 40 yard by? By August.

[fog_hat1981]

Originally Posted by Shibby

So I talked to the coach some more and since everyone else could use the work, he told them all there are going to be some requirments needed by the time they get back from the summer. So my question is, What do you think a resonable, but quite difficult time one should be able to lower there one mile and the 40 yard by?

20%-25%???

BTW - what is your planned major??

[Shibby]

Major in Kinesiology then get my CSCS and get a job at as a strength coach at a small college.

[fog_hat1981]

Originally Posted by Shibby

Major in Kinesiology

So when you're working out are you thinking about all of the crazy things you might be doing to your joints etc with most traditional exercises???

[Shibby]

No, I keep in mind you can't have your cake and eat it too. Just be smart, do what you can and just let the rest fal into place as it will. Not much else you can do.

[hitmansb]

I'm a fan of straight-out telling her she's in terrible shape and needs to lose weight. We're talking about serious athletics here, no need for kid gloves. If she doesn't care enough to show up in game shape, you probably don't want her on the team anyways. I'd pull the scholarship if there's even a hint of resistance.

[fog_hat1981]

Originally Posted by hitmansb

I'm a fan of straight-out telling her she's in terrible shape and needs to lose weight. We're talking about serious athletics here, no need for kid gloves. If she doesn't care enough to show up in game shape, you probably don't want her on the team anyways. I'd pull the scholarship if there's even a hint of resistance.

My sentiments exactly...

:bravonew:

[fog_hat1981]

Originally Posted by Shibby

No, I keep in mind you can't have your cake and eat it too. Just be smart, do what you can and just let the rest fal into place as it will. Not much else you can do.

Pretty much how I feel ...