Do you masterbate even when married?

[believer]

I was wondering how many of you have a partner who uses sex as a weapon?
My wife will frequently withold sex if I did something to upset her or if I didn't do something she thought I should do. So, I take matters into my own hands and take care of myself. However, this makes me think 'why did I even get married'? I could have looked at pictures of nude women and jerked off just as easily as a single man as I could a married man. I'm not saying I got married just for sex, there are many reasons I married my girl, but sex is one of them (and at times, it's no better).
We've been married since 1989 and most of those years have been happy ones but this trend has gotten to me lately and I was wondering how many of you are experiencing the same.

[Notorious]

masterbation does the body good man. its part of are everyday lives.

[ronmolina]

I have had three wifes all three played that game with me.

[Aurora]

I think that the women who do that, do it because THEY have nothing to lose. Its something to think about anyway.

[houseman]

I would sit her ass down and have it out.

Either party doing that is simply wrong. However, I know with myself and if I get annoyed at my girl or angry (very rare with anger) the chances of it happening that night is highly unlikely. I just don't forget as easily as some do.

Good luck!

A

[urso8up]

THey withhold it because they can and they know you want it. So they are in control.

[Morgan]

Been doing that for the last 10 years, was married for 20, sorry to say. Although I took my vows seriously (better of worse, yadda, yadda, blah ,blah), and am now getting divorced, if I EVER come across a woman who uses her body as a weapon she gets the door, no ifs, ands, or buts.

There is absolutely no reason anyone should do this, man or woman, to another person.

This doesn't or shouldn't include the occasional spat, but from your post it looks as though this is the way she controls the relationship. IMHO, this is about the worst way to to get someone to capitulate, and will lead to a huge amount of resentment on your part.

Definitely sit down and talk, this type of behavior leads to very serious problems in a marriage, and will not get better as the years go on. Do not let this slide, and it would be a good idea to start looking into counseling.

Best of luck to you.

[believer]

Thanks for the replies thus far...What I'm talking about isn't about getting shut out one particular night because I messed up, but more of a controlling situation like Morgan alluded to. Resentment? Yes, it's there and starting to grow. After this most recent episode I brought it out into the open and at least we're discussing it but I have so many instances of it happening sometimes I don't know where to begin.
She admits to it and agrees it is childish behavior but has admitted other things she does are childish, too, and has had much difficulty (and little success) changing them.

[Tinfish]

Women are like kitchen tile.

You lay em right the first time, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.


totally kidding. i respect my wife and her decisions to not give me the poonani .

[hitmansb]

Tell her that if she doesn't shape up, you're gonna have to look at the women who flirt with you at work/gym/ect a little more closely. Let her know that while you respect the vows, she is putting you in a situation where it becomes more and more difficult to honor them.

[Morgan]

Originally posted by believer
Thanks for the replies thus far...What I'm talking about isn't about getting shut out one particular night because I messed up, but more of a controlling situation like Morgan alluded to. Resentment? Yes, it's there and starting to grow. After this most recent episode I brought it out into the open and at least we're discussing it but I have so many instances of it happening sometimes I don't know where to begin.
She admits to it and agrees it is childish behavior but has admitted other things she does are childish, too, and has had much difficulty (and little success) changing them.

A good start for you, and if you are committed to the marriage, don't give up. Best advice for now is that you have a dialog going, keep working on the positive aspects of that communication. If at all possible, look at this as a good beginning and try not to hold any grudges, it will keep you from going forward. You can succeed if you both work together.

[BIKER_GIXXER]

Originally posted by hitmansb
Tell her that if she doesn't shape up, you're gonna have to look at the women who flirt with you at work/gym/ect a little more closely. Let her know that while you respect the vows, she is putting you in a situation where it becomes more and more difficult to honor them.

I agree 100%. Now that it's out in the open, she needs to know that if she keeps it up, you 'will' get it else where. It's one thing for her to 'not be in the mood' because your in a 'spat' with her, but to use it as a weapon....hell no! If it were my wife, I would come out and tell her that I'm NOT going to put up with it, period.

[skoowat]

are you 100% sure she's withholding sex purely as a weapon against you? because i can tell you - when there is anger between me and my man - i cannot get physically intimate. for me, and i suspect for many women, sex and affection and emotional openness go hand in hand. if there are unresolved emotoinal issues between you, she may not feel very erotic. in fact she may feel a need to pull back and preserve her boundaries.

[jipped genes]

i just masturbate in front of my wife and say shit like damn thats so good you may be obsolete. dont do this because i had to wait a month before getting it again

[jipped genes]

and yes after 12 years of being with the same woman i still beat my meat often

[believer]

Today when I got home from work we had a frank discussion where she told me something very significant which happened to her when she was much younger that has damaged her mentally, emotionally and physically. She has never told anyone this before (which is a huge deal because she is so very close to her Mother and Sister) This has shed a new light on 'us' and our problems. It's helping me understand where she is coming from now as if a curtain was lifted to reveal something that I had, until now, been unable to see. I feel a lot more optimistic now than I did just a few hours ago....

jipped jeans-thanks for that

[TheRussian]

Originally posted by Keiser
I've never understood this. If someone withholds something from someone else, then that tells me the withholder isn't benefiting from it. Its like a one way street. Does this mean that these wives don't enjoy sex as much as the husband?

Sex should be mutal enjoyment. In my world/relationships, it should be the same, the guy should be able to withold sex from the woman just the same & she would suffer, if not then something is wrong.

I didn't word that very well, but you get the idea.....

Agreed. I think it's pretty silly to have women exert power over you in any way. You always got to be one step ahead; and remain a challenge.

[dreamgirl]

i think my husband masturbates almost everyday! lol... I'm not with-holding either...

[inkman]

Originally posted by dreamgirl
i think my husband masturbates almost everyday! lol... I'm not with-holding either...

Lucky basterd hehe.

Beliver- I was going to say that your wife sounds exactly like my exwife.. I went for up to a month without sex sometimes because she knew she could get away with that shit. and if sex was not her idea and was not going to happen. These amoung other things lead to the end of that so called marriage.Such as never meeting her friends, never being invited to work partys and never meeting her family after 3 years!!!!

Also found out that my ex had been molested by 2 of her uncles as a child and that left an impact that never went away. She has used sex for power and control with everyone man she has been with. My advise to you is to get your wife into counseling if you want to make things better. Cause things will not change much if yoiu do not.

[believer]

Also found out that my ex had been molested by 2 of her uncles as a child and that left an impact that never went away. She has used sex for power and control with everyone man she has been with

Inkman, thanks for that. That's what I was getting at last time I posted on this. It puts our 'problem' into a different perspective.

[trip]

believer,

Good for you two.

Counseling is a great idea if your both willing. The fact that she held it in for so long, and now has let it out, she has, just guessing here, finally come to realize the overall impact of that one incident in her life.

Counseling is suggested, because even though this is a personal issue, and we all feel alone, and like no one can understand, the reality is many have been down this road, and an expert counselor can guide you too a more pleasureable life.

And if you don't feel comfortable with your counselor, get another one. Unfortunately like life, their are good ones, bad ones, in between ones, and great ones.

So, if you feel uncomfortable with the counselor it is a strong sign it is not place for you, find another one, all you will do if you stay is creat more negative emotions.

Hoped That Helped
Good Luck

[Stonecold54]

I know that this issue is resolved but I always masturbate once in the morning before work and right before bed. and if I get some sex in between or after that is just icing on the cake. LOL

[redMachchick]

I don't know about everyone else's wife but...if I want something I don't withhold it, I give it to him!!! Ladies, thats how you get what you want!!!! Especially if its some back door action!!! lol Whoo HOO

I don't let my man masturbate by himself...I join him (but he still masturbates more than me hehe I don't mind)

[corythosaurus]

Sex should never be used against the other. Never as a threat or weapon.

[BiggerStronger]

Hmm...This is how I fixed this problem, be it right or wrong, you be the judge:

I used to nag my gf all the time about us never being intimate...to the point of her thinking that all I wanted was sex...which wasn't the case. Really, I was confused why she never wanted it...even if things were ok with us...It made me question our relationship. It made my confidence lower...and generally made me an unhappy person because I felt like I was not attractive to her anymore.

I decided that instead of trying to force the issue to just not focus my energy into thinking about it, or talking about it to her. I decided that life is too short for this crap, and I should go out and have a good time. That's what I did....I changed my attitude. I went out with my friends instead of waiting for an opportune time to have sex with her. I went out and it felt good to have girls looking at me, talking to me, and showing their interests in me. (I didn't cheat on her BTW)

This gave me a new confidence, it lightened me up a bit, and I didn't think about us not having sex. I had better things to do with my time. Girls want what they don't have...Make her chase you a little, if she feels threatened that she might lose you....than you're doing a good job. Let her know in a subtle way that that girls are attracted to you....say something like this girl from the bar, club, etc. said this to you and you thought it was funny. It gets them thinking a bit....and in the end they'll either shape up or ship out.

Once I started mentioning all of the cool females I was meeting (friendly situations of course) she started to get a bit jealous, and started to think I've lost my interest in her. Finally I got her to want sex with me....she now feels how I felt....and she got the reality check that she deserved. Do not ever take people for granted as they may be lost in a heartbeat.

[Big_Swole]

Originally posted by jipped genes
and yes after 12 years of being with the same woman i still beat my meat often

Why do you do that, when you have your wife? Doesn't she satifsy you?