To swing or not? Any advice from experience? - SuperiorMuscle.com

tantra74 · #1 02-08-04, 03:29 PM

How do you know everythings going to be okay afterward? My husband has done it in the past I never have. We've played slightly I chicken out. Not sure our relationship could withstand it. He feels it will. I don't want to screw up a good marriage. I am curious but how do avoid paying a price?

GearTripper · #2 02-08-04, 04:49 PM

no experience, but... i'm not into "sharing" the one i love with anyone else

urso8up · #3 02-09-04, 05:58 AM

I am with gear i don't share the one i love with anyone

TheStromba · #4 02-09-04, 05:59 AM

Don't be pressured into this ! Puddles and I don's swing but we do have the occasional female share our bed

If you have any doubts at all, you should not do it, or wait untill you feel 100% confident about it.

Puddles and I have been married more than 1/2 our lives and it is not something we would have done early in our marrage.

lxorl · #5 02-09-04, 08:55 AM

agreed, if you have any doubts dont do it.... what is it you are curious about?

BIKER_GIXXER · #6 02-09-04, 10:47 AM

Nothing wrong with trying to 'spice' things up in a marriage, but if he isn't willing to be considerate or understanding of your feelings, don't bother.

Just take it slow, if something doesn't feel right, let him know. Communication is very important in that type of situation. It's not for everyone, so don't feel bad if it doesn't work for you.

corythosaurus · #7 02-09-04, 11:13 AM

I'd question the "strength" of a marriage if my "loving" partner wanted to swing with others.

It's a nice fantasy, but I'd never do it as long as I was in a commited marriage.

dreamgirl · #8 02-09-04, 02:49 PM

weve talked about it, but never done anything

tantra74 · #9 02-09-04, 04:30 PM

We have played a little with a female. I have stopped it. More than once he loves to watch but at the same time gets tired of watching and not being involved. I did it at first for him then I discovered I liked it but I just don't know how I would react if he were involved. He's not pushy and lets it go but now I feel I have damaged our relationship. We don't do much with each other days. I think it wouldn't fix anything but then think maybe it would show him something about me; make us stronger. Very confused. I just don't want it to become a life style. If it goes good why wouldn't he keep wanting it? I always set rules before we do things and he's tired of rules "just let things happen" but I can't. Am I wrong? Should I just lossen up?

tantra74 · #10 02-09-04, 04:48 PM

It's me again. So I tell him I found this place and you all are very nice. He says when I figure myself out we will be happier. I shared some feedback from you and he says "I don't need it, it doesn't matter, I already gave up. So because in the first few years of marriage (7 now) it wasn't smooth he doesn't want to bother anymore. I am offended for some reason. Isn't being happily married never giving up on each other?

Starr · #11 02-09-04, 05:37 PM

Unless you are completely secure with first yourself, and then secondly your marriage, DO NO do anything that will make you uncomfortable nor resentful. If it is anything that might cause you to wonder and have doubts, or anything that you will throw in his face in the future, head that drama off immediately (i.e. don't do it).

redMachchick · #12 02-09-04, 07:34 PM

Please don't try this just because you want to please him or it will never work out. Like what you said about being with another girl, do it because YOU want to.

Another thing is if you DO want to be with a woman and he is upset because he wants you to share and you are not ready to do so, he is the one who has the problem...you need to tell him to lay off and wait untill you are ready...if he pushes you, you will never be ready.

inkman · #13 02-10-04, 12:16 AM

First of all people let me say dont knock it till you try it. Like Redmachchic said it takes a very strong relationship to make it work. Alot of people don't pocess that strength. Number one reason people end relationships is cheating. Most of the time it is just sex with a stranger out of curiosity. Wouldn't be nice if you could cheat with permisson from your loved one...People dont own each other when they are in a relationship contary to popular belief. They are not property and they are not real estate they are men and women who share thoughts and ideas together and apart who have common goals of living happyily ever after ....

Dragonmona and I were together for a few months before we started playing with other couples because she loves women but I had been in the life style with my 2nd ex for 5 years and really enjoyed it.

I started by accident when I asked my wife at that time if she would be with another women for me on my 40th bday. It started out as a joke until we got to the swing resort in Oakland. Then I knew she was really going thru with it...

We started out slow having same room sex which means you fuck in front of the other couple but thier is no contact with them and then we worked our way up to were we were cool having sex with other couples.I asked her afterwards if she wanted to keep doing the swinging and she said hell yeah. From then on things were great we even went on a Mexican Cruise with about 3o couples that were swingers and talk about a blast.

As long as we are with in view of each other it is cool.We love to watch each other get off or get others off. Talk about your imagination running wild huh?Ever wonder what it felt like to have two women or men at the same time. It is all a reality when you get into the lifestyle.

It was a very smooth transistion. The main thing is to let your partner know ahead of time where the you draw the line and what you feel is right for both of you.

Dragonmona and I have a wonderful sex life there is nothing we will not do to please each other and swinging is just the iceing on the cake. The possibilites are endless. Imagine a resort in Mexico or Jamica or A Sea Cruise where swingers are the main guests and sanctioned by the resorts or Cruize line. Lifestyle people come from all backgounds and all ages from 18 to 80, lawyers, doctors, CEO"S, Cops, teachers, you name it and there are clubs around the world where you can meet and greet and play..

Even Website personels NewFriends.com West coast Swingers.com for my area. As far as disease and pregnancy you have the same amount of risk meeting someone in a night club. It is really safer with swingers cause most of us get tested every 6 months and news travels fast in our circles. If someone came to a party with a wart or something weird that person gets 86ed. and the reptution follows that person from party to party. The house rules almost always are you have to wear a condom and most all parties supplie there own.. I have a v section so I am not going to knock anyone up.... Any more Q' feel free to ask.

tantra74 · #14 02-10-04, 04:00 AM

You all are so very helpful. You have definitly answered my concerns. I'll be sure to ask many more questions.

Orgasmicpleasur · #15 02-10-04, 01:22 PM

tantra, i may be able to give you some advice from someone who has tried it a few times and it has worked for us. we only do it discreetly and we always expect nothing. it has ranged from playful flirting and dancing at a few hot spots in myrtle beach where we can get away to some hot phone involving another couple. safe stuff. we roleplay all the time, i have so much stuff to tell you but i wanna know u are interested. write back... orgasmic

playthegame · #16 02-10-04, 03:01 PM

OP - I'm from the Myrtle Beach area as well...Where are you?

Puddles · #17 02-10-04, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by tantra74
It's me again. So I tell him I found this place and you all are very nice. He says when I figure myself out we will be happier. I shared some feedback from you and he says "I don't need it, it doesn't matter, I already gave up. So because in the first few years of marriage (7 now) it wasn't smooth he doesn't want to bother anymore. I am offended for some reason. Isn't being happily married never giving up on each other?

If he says he doesn't need it and that it doesn't matter, believe him. He can see that you've tried but he must feel that it's not right for you and he doesn't want to pressure you or pursue it any longer. It almost seems like you're wanting to do this to prove it to yourself that you can do it but that's not what it should be about. It should just be something fun that you enjoy doing together, no pressure, no jealousy, just a good time that you share together. If you have to work at it to make it happen, then I don't think you'll be happy with it. I can see him giving up because if he's gotten excited about it repeatedly, yet not gotten to participate and only watch you, he's being left out which would be frustrating to say the least. Sure, guys like to watch women together, but most men would want to participate and being married, if one of you is getting to be physically involved with sex with another person, then the other should be able to participate at the same time if they want to.

Orgasmicpleasur · #18 02-11-04, 06:20 AM

im across the border in nc, tell me a little about u in private message.

Blackdream71 · #19 02-13-04, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by GearTripper
i'm not into "sharing" the one i love with anyone else

I concur! Unless it's another hot chic so I can watch them play....

parsnip1965 · #20 05-13-04, 11:56 PM

I don't want to offend any of the nice (and attractive) people here who are in an open marriage that is working, but I think it's pretty close to being a recipe for disaster.

Everyone I know who has tried it (as a swinger or just seeing other people) is now divorced. A pretty close friend from my 20's (he was really a freak and probably would have been divorced anyway); a childhood friend of my wife's; an ex-girlfriend who had been a swinger when she was married, before I met her - there's no such thing as proof by anecdote, but you get the idea.

Somebody either gets pissed off and splits or falls in love and splits.

But I do like looking at the pictures ;-)

Hope that helps - cheers, parsnip1965

**redsquirrel** · #21 05-14-04, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by parsnip1965
I don't want to offend any of the nice (and attractive) people here who are in an open marriage that is working, but I think it's pretty close to being a recipe for disaster.

I agree, and was thinking the same thing. The three couples I knew who did swing, 2 of them are now divorced, and the other was on the verge last time I heard.

I just can't understand how seeing your husband fuck someone while you watch can be pleasurable. To me, it would be sickening.

bonebreaker · #22 05-14-04, 03:22 PM

Redsquirrel, 66% is a bit higher than the national average, but more marriages end in divorce anyway, regardless to whether or not they were swingers. But I agree with you, there's too much to risk no matter how strong you think your marriage is. To much room for doubt and mistrust later on. Just not worth it. BB

**redsquirrel** · #23 05-14-04, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bonebreaker
Redsquirrel, 66% is a bit higher than the national average, but more marriages end in divorce anyway, regardless to whether or not they were swingers. But I agree with you, there's too much to risk no matter how strong you think your marriage is. To much room for doubt and mistrust later on. Just not worth it. BB

Right!! It's hard enough being married. It's hard enough for men and women to remain faithful as it is. In some aspects it just seems like a cop out to me. In essence, it's permission to cheat as long as you do it together, and you both know about it. Even if I did it for a short period of time, I would always have that in the back of my mind that it happened. Whether or not it's consensual is besides the point. Marriage vows don't include swinging. I

I'm not wanting ot get into a whole moral debate about this, but IMHO, married swinging couples seems to contradict everything associated with marriage. So, if you want to swing, then why get married? When you throw "approved adultery" into the mix, I find it hard to believe jealousy and mistrust wouldn't come up somewhere down the line.

bonebreaker · #24 05-14-04, 06:17 PM

Amen Squirrel. I have only been married once and the only good thing that came from it was my two sons who I raised as a single parent and loved every minute of it. I have yet, in 20 years or so of being single, found a woman that I trusted, or for that matter a woman who trusted me. If you can't get close that way, swinging will most certainly make it worse. I like your values, want to marry an old fart, lol. BB

Puddles · #25 05-14-04, 10:20 PM

There is a seperation of love and sex in the swinging lifestyle.

We don't swing with other couples but we do have fun with other women together. It's not that often and not with a lot of women, mostly friends who are also into having fun and sexual gratification without any strings attached. We simply have a good time together but we're naked and make eachother cum a lot.

**redsquirrel** · #26 05-15-04, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Puddles
There is a seperation of love and sex in the swinging lifestyle.

We don't swing with other couples but we do have fun with other women together. It's not that often and not with a lot of women, mostly friends who are also into having fun and sexual gratification without any strings attached. We simply have a good time together but we're naked and make eachother cum a lot.

IMO, your situation is different. Stromba knew your sexual orientation before you got married. Not that any man would have a problem with it, LOL, but it was understood. It's more of a thing that you 'need' than just want. You really, are the one who wants it, and I'm sure he would be just as satisfied without it. So, it's not like you both go looking for it to spice things up or to make the marriage more exciting or whatever.

As for the love and sex separation, I just can't imagine myself being able to distinguish the difference between the man that I LOVE, having SEX with someone else.