can guys be the biggest A-holes sometimes? - SuperiorMuscle.com

dreamgirl · #1 04-14-04, 09:46 AM

This was in a baby board that I am on today. I'm not shocked that this would happen. Here's what she said:

"I am so torn up over what I found out this morning. I just found out that my DH has been subscribed to this internet site where you can hook up with other people who just want to have sex. I saw a charge on our credit card recently for that site and asked him about it and he said that he was just checking it out because he suspected a friend of ours using our computer to go to porn sites. He said it needed a credit card for you to be able to check it out and that he already tried to cancel the charge. I didn't think anything of it until I decided to check out the website myself and found his profile with his picture in it. To make matters worse, I managed to get in his web-based email account and saw where he's been emailing these women that has responded to his ad & vice versa. He basically tells them that he's involved with somebody else but that "sex is the last thing in her mind right now" and that he's just looking for discreet casual sex.

I was crying about that this morning and I'm still trying to keep myself together at this point. I'm due pretty much any day now, and my DH has been the sweetest and most supportive person throughout the whole pregnancy. He's always reasssuring me how pretty I still am (I didn't really get fat, just gained normal pregnancy weight), never lets me carry anything, always helping me get up, gone to all the birth classes with me, etc. I just don't know how to take what I discovered this morning. Now, everytime I look at myself and my big belly I feel like bursting into tears because my condition is keeping us from having sex and now he's looking elsewhere for it and lying to me about it.

Should I confront him about it or just pretend I don't know and try to somehow not give him a reason to look elsewhere? Is this a typical male reaction or am I just overreacting to the situation?"

dreamgirl · #2 04-14-04, 09:47 AM

"Whoa. I'd be pretty hurt.

1st off, you are pregnant and if you did have sex with him, you probably wouldn't use a condom. If he is having or considering having casual sex like that, he could bring home a disease to you AND the baby. And what about HIV or Hepatitus B & C?

Sounds to me like he doesn't really care because if he did, he wouldn't ever risk giving you or the newborn baby a disease.

If it was me, I'd probably leave him, because if he isn't cheating now, it's BOUND to happen in the future. How can you ever trust him? You can't.

I would definately confront him and kick him to the curb. I don't put up with anything, that's how I am. I've told my hubby from the beginning of our marriage that if he wants to be with someone else, to let me know and we can do it all together if that's the case - or leave me because I don't need to be put through that.

I'm really sorry, it's a tough situation, but don't put up with it, you are better than that. When a guy starts looking outside of the relationship there are usually other things wrong than just sex. "

JUICE · #3 04-14-04, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by dreamgirl
"Whoa. I'd be pretty hurt.

1st off, you are pregnant and if you did have sex with him, you probably wouldn't use a condom. If he is having or considering having casual sex like that, he could bring home a disease to you AND the baby. And what about HIV or Hepatitus B & C?

Sounds to me like he doesn't really care because if he did, he wouldn't ever risk giving you or the newborn baby a disease.

If it was me, I'd probably leave him, because if he isn't cheating now, it's BOUND to happen in the future. How can you ever trust him? You can't.

I would definately confront him and kick him to the curb. I don't put up with anything, that's how I am. I've told my hubby from the beginning of our marriage that if he wants to be with someone else, to let me know and we can do it all together if that's the case - or leave me because I don't need to be put through that.

I'm really sorry, it's a tough situation, but don't put up with it, you are better than that. When a guy starts looking outside of the relationship there are usually other things wrong than just sex. "

your right dreamgirl, no body deserves getting cheated on. If ur gonna cheat at least let the person know so things wont be as bad as to if ur caught in the act. If my girl wanted to see other guys and told me, i'd be happy with that cause at least she didnt cheat on me or hurt me, or vice-versa. I wouldnt never do that ot anyone , especially my girl. I cannot just betray someone like that, i hate people like that. They dont know what love is, all the time they tell their partner "i love u", i say that b.s if ur gonna cheat on them.
im with u on this one girl.

bad14u · #4 04-14-04, 10:24 AM

DH??? Designated Hitter??? Not trying to sound like an asshole but I watch too much baseball and I'm having a hard time figuring out what DH stands for!!!

dreamgirl · #5 04-14-04, 10:25 AM

DH = Dear Husband

urso8up · #6 04-14-04, 10:29 AM

Well DG No-one deserves to be cheated on and like Jucie said if you plan on cheating you should let the other person of your thoughts so it wouldn't be so hard when you find out later. As far as you being Prego and not being able tyo have sex with your hubby...Do not blame this on your belly or anything about how you are shapped because It takes two to tango he had just as mush part in this as you and he should resect you for how you are and how you look and he should wait to have sex with you until this is all over. I kinda know what you all are going through being that my little lady is due in May SEX is not something on her mind and I am good with that. I am not looking elsewhere to hook up Nor to i bug her about having sex And don't get me wrong you should know me by now taht I love Pregnant woman I think that are the most beautiful person in the world. the belly is the best being able to grow a little person inside of you that is so awesome. All i am trying to say is he should have respected you and how you feel and look and not gone out and looked elsewhere because you were not up for sex or because you don't feel like you are pretty (Which i disagree you are a very nice looking woman Pregnant or not) I think you should confront him on what you found and see what he has to say about his actions and then take the next step.

bad14u · #7 04-14-04, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by dreamgirl
DH = Dear Husband

I would have never figured that one out after reading what he has done!!! Thanks DG!!!

dreamgirl · #8 04-14-04, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by urso8up
Well DG No-one deserves to be cheated on and like Jucie said if you plan on cheating you should let the other person of your thoughts so it wouldn't be so hard when you find out later. As far as you being Prego and not being able tyo have sex with your hubby...Do not blame this on your belly or anything about how you are shapped because It takes two to tango he had just as mush part in this as you and he should resect you for how you are and how you look and he should wait to have sex with you until this is all over. I kinda know what you all are going through being that my little lady is due in May SEX is not something on her mind and I am good with that. I am not looking elsewhere to hook up Nor to i bug her about having sex And don't get me wrong you should know me by now taht I love Pregnant woman I think that are the most beautiful person in the world. the belly is the best being able to grow a little person inside of you that is so awesome. All i am trying to say is he should have respected you and how you feel and look and not gone out and looked elsewhere because you were not up for sex or because you don't feel like you are pretty (Which i disagree you are a very nice looking woman Pregnant or not) I think you should confront him on what you found and see what he has to say about his actions and then take the next step.

URSO8UP -- THis ISN'T about me. This was posted by someone on a baby board that I am on. It's not me. Look at my response to her.

candle25 · #9 04-14-04, 11:13 AM

I have to agree that the situation sounds bad on behalf of the guy. It wouldn't be so bad if he were in a more open relationship and issues like this were discussed, but his wife is obviously hurt and confused during an already trying time. My sympathy goes out to her.

However, I must point out that in your thread title you generalized all men by saying "guys". It's prob just an oversight, but truely anyone can be an a$$hole regardles of their gender.

balcos · #10 04-14-04, 12:30 PM

Dang thats fucked up. Especially when the dude is messing with his unborn child's life. What an asshole indeed.

lxorl · #11 04-14-04, 12:51 PM

interesting... and what is that website where you get casual sex??? lol, just playing.... that is pretty shitty thing to do especially to someone carrying your baby.

zeratulz · #12 04-14-04, 01:36 PM

designated hitter LMAO

on a serious note i think that dude is a prick for doin that.

Puddles · #13 04-14-04, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dreamgirl
Should I confront him about it or just pretend I don't know and try to somehow not give him a reason to look elsewhere? Is this a typical male reaction or am I just overreacting to the situation?"

I hope she gets it through her head that what he did was very wrong. She seems to have very low self esteem.

Irishgirl · #14 04-15-04, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MrsPuddlesFL
I hope she gets it through her head that what he did was very wrong. She seems to have very low self esteem.

NO KIDDING!!

pretend she doesn't know?? Does she think he's not going to do it again? I realize she's pregnant and probably doesn't want to be a single mother, but I'd rather raise a kid by myself than be with this jerk!

CiViC SpiKeS · #15 04-15-04, 09:10 AM

i had a friend like that... he came out with me for a weekend and cheated on his girl that was preggo...

i didnt think much of it until on the way home when he told me she was pregnant.. cheating on ur girl is one thing but cheating on ur pregnant gf is just outta control..

JUICE · #16 04-15-04, 11:30 AM

just sad.

Scotland · #17 04-15-04, 12:20 PM

The guy fails to realize the greatest gift he can his children is to love their mother.

Children identify anf objectify the immedaite relationships they see and are very sensitive to strife. They may not understand the emotions and it can lead to trauma that festers into something horrible at a later stage in life. I am not a psychologist . . . but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

DG, count your blessings for fidelity. The world has some dark corners. Hopefully this woman has a strong support structure or may be able to glean something from the forum that may help.

mick-g · #18 04-21-04, 09:06 PM

Dreamgirl, I think most women would feel as you do, but you have to consider, what was their past relationship like? Was she frigid, did she fufill his needs and visa versa? How much did she put into their sexual relationship and did she really try to please him? I know these questions seem bias, but i hear far too many women complaining about the same thing ( Why is he always looking at other women. He doesn't think i look good etc....) why not try to be alittle more open to trying new things and maybe getting alittle sexy for him once in a while. Yes there are men who just like to screw around, but there are some who have just given up on trying to improve on something that other partner will not partake in. PS: You are an exception, as you are beautiful and probably alittle more open then the typical wife.

LOCO · #19 04-22-04, 02:29 AM

LOCO · #20 04-22-04, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mick-g
Dreamgirl, I think most women would feel as you do, but you have to consider, what was their past relationship like? Was she frigid, did she fufill his needs and visa versa? How much did she put into their sexual relationship and did she really try to please him? I know these questions seem bias, but i hear far too many women complaining about the same thing ( Why is he always looking at other women. He doesn't think i look good etc....) why not try to be alittle more open to trying new things and maybe getting alittle sexy for him once in a while. Yes there are men who just like to screw around, but there are some who have just given up on trying to improve on something that other partner will not partake in. PS: You are an exception, as you are beautiful and probably alittle more open then the typical wife.

nice i was just going to write the exactly same thing...

couple of times in the past, i'd be with a gf going onto 2 months and nothing happening.. like i don't even have a gf... i'd ask her every once in a while, but she'd just refuse and find some reasons for it...... it's like she'd be begging me to go out and cheat on her....

anyways, when it comes to pregnant women/gfs then it's a different story though...

Puddles · #21 04-22-04, 05:29 AM

If there's a problem in the marriage, it needs to be discussed. If it can't be worked out, then seperate or divorce...cheating is not right. Many pregnant women feel sick, unsexy, too fat, etc. and just won't have sex for a few months. During that time her husband can use a little restraint and jerk off. Abstinence for a few months won't kill him.

Cheating is for people who don't have the balls to address and resolve the problem with their partner.