What is the best or worse date you ever had?

[Puddles]

I think my best date ever was my first night out with Stromba, I was 17 and he was 20. We'd been friends for over a year but I broke the ice and told him my feelings for him had gone farther than just friendship. That weekend we went out on our first date.

It was a cold late February Friday night in NYC. We worked downtown, so after work we stopped off at our favorite bar for something to eat and a few drinks then caught a cab to go to a club. The line was long and it was insanely cold out. We waited for about half an hour and then decided to head closer to home. I can still remember our first kisses and thinking how wonderfully full his lips were and how the heat radiated off his body as my hands slid under his coat and around his back. I wanted him so bad. For a year I'd watched him play the keyboard and knew that this guy who's fingers could create such beautiful music on an instrument would certainly do wonderful things to my body.

As we were riding back he asked me what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to do anything he wanted to do. We wound up at a hotel and made mad passionate love for hours. I remember the very first round was so rushed and intense, I managed to get my shoes and stockings off, but my dress was just hiked up over my hips, similarly, his pants and shoes were off but his shirt was still on, half unbuttoned. Later we fully undressed and started to learn eachothers bodies inch by inch. It was amazing and better than all of my fantasies.

[hughjorgen]

I can't remember dating

[Timma]

Well the worst date I ever went on was like 5 years ago. I worked with this girl who's friend wanted to date me. So one night we all went to Canada to a bar since we were all like 19. Well I had some friends meet us there as well so that I could get a ride home from them later since the girls were gonna get a hotel. So we all got piss drunk and I told my friends that I would be back and catch a ride with them. Well I went back to the bar and they weren't there. So there I was stuck in Canada with no ride so I had to stay with the girls. Things were going ok. We started making out. Then the girl i work with tells me she had a crush on me, so we start making out. Then the girl i'm on the date with tells me she might be pregnant and she doesn't want to hurt me so she says she doesn't want to see me. I wake up the next morning to a really bad hang over. It was the worst night.

My best date was the first date I had with my current g/f of almost 4 years. We connected on that first night. We didn't even kiss that night, but when we talked we just had this connection that I knew would last. All we did that night was go to Olive Garden and then shot some pool. It was a great night.

[majoradams]

awwwwwwwww

[TheStromba]

Originally posted by Puddles
I think my best date ever was my first night out with Stromba, I was 17 and he was 20. We'd been friends for over a year but I broke the ice and told him my feelings for him had gone farther than just friendship. That weekend we went out on our first date.

It was a cold late February Friday night in NYC. We worked downtown, so after work we stopped off at our favorite bar for something to eat and a few drinks then caught a cab to go to a club. The line was long and it was insanely cold out. We waited for about half an hour and then decided to head closer to home. I can still remember our first kisses and thinking how wonderfully full his lips were and how the heat radiated off his body as my hands slid under his coat and around his back. I wanted him so bad. For a year I'd watched him play the keyboard and knew that this guy who's fingers could create such beautiful music on an instrument would certainly do wonderful things to my body.

As we were riding back he asked me what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to do anything he wanted to do. We wound up at a hotel and made mad passionate love for hours. I remember the very first round was so rushed and intense, I managed to get my shoes and stockings off, but my dress was just hiked up over my hips, similarly, his pants and shoes were off but his shirt was still on, half unbuttoned. Later we fully undressed and started to learn eachothers bodies inch by inch. It was amazing and better than all of my fantasies.

Wow. That made me hard, and I was THERE !

[rockgazer69]

I know this isn't the norm for this thread but my daughter stays with my parents alot while my son is too young to want to be away overnight. When she goes we have a date nite. Go out to eat, rent movies and he tells me about how he'll take his wife out n so on, he's 7. he says things like " there's my beautiful mother with her beautiful smile... see I tell you poetry Tesla doesn't." or tells me I look like Brittney Spears. I so do not look like her haha. It will be interesting when he starts dating to see if he is the romantic I think he'll be.

[majorsgirl]

Gees ur lucky! The worst date I ever had I was a young naive 18 yr old workin in Sydney. It was with a much older guy I had met a few weeks earlier at a pub after work. We had a couple of drinks before he suggested we go somewhere else. On the way he wanted to stop for some 'quiet time'. Quiet time was on a stairwell down a lane in the middle of town. After kissing for a while he cut straight to the chase and asked for a blow job
:jb:
when i politely declined he remembered he had to be somewhere and left me at the train station!
nice guy hey!

[king]

I went out with a girl once in San Antonio, we'd been on a few dates before. We went out and hit a few clubs and then onto the riverwalk and had some drinks. I was nowhere near drunk and I didn't think she was either, she wasn't acting like it anyway. Long story short, we end up back at my hotel. She had two drinks with Everclear and lemonade. About 5 minutes later she threw up all over my bed. She goes into the bathroom and is in there for about an hour and didn't throw up once. I go in there to pee and she comes back into the room. I get done peeing and she had thrown up all over the floor. Worst night ever. I guess the moral of the story is= don't let your dates drink everclear!

[redMachchick]

Originally posted by king
I went out with a girl once in San Antonio, we'd been on a few dates before. We went out and hit a few clubs and then onto the riverwalk and had some drinks. I was nowhere near drunk and I didn't think she was either, she wasn't acting like it anyway. Long story short, we end up back at my hotel. She had two drinks with Everclear and lemonade. About 5 minutes later she threw up all over my bed. She goes into the bathroom and is in there for about an hour and didn't throw up once. I go in there to pee and she comes back into the room. I get done peeing and she had thrown up all over the floor. Worst night ever. I guess the moral of the story is= don't let your dates drink everclear!

LOLLOLLOL

OMG That sounds too familiar....when me and my hubby were dating we drank some everclear with grape juice...same story but I ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped by a asshole doctor. Oh and I forgot to mention the fucking charcoal...we wont EVEN go there!!! LOL I was hung over for days!!

We are still together (married 8 years in sept) and always have the best time together! I love my baby....

[king]

OMG, you didn't eat the charcoal to absorb the alcohol did you?

[bad14u]

This may not have been a date.... but I had dated this one girl for about a year until she had to move with her parents from Tallahassee to Fort Walton. I hadn't seen her or heard from her in awhile until I get this call at work one day and it was her twin sister. Her sister, we will call her "Sandy", calls me up to let me know that they were having a big birthday party for the two of them and she wanted me to be her present to her sister! I said that would be cool and I went over expecting nothing. The day before the party Sandy comes to get me at the hotel and take me to where "Sherri" is hanging out with some friends! When I walked into the room where Sherri was she jumped up ran over to me and hugged me so hard I almost farted...no joke either! We started talking and telling each other what we had been doing with ourselves and saying how we had missed one another. About an hour into the coversation she looks and me and says "I want you to make love to me!" It's a good thing I was already sitting down because when she said that my legs went limp! I asked if she was sure that was what she wanted as she grabbed me and took me to her car! We went back to my hotel room and slowly undressed each other! The tv was on Mtv for some background music, when Mtv actually played music videos all the time! I layed her down on the bed and slowly began to kiss her! I started with her lips and moved down to her neck and gradually making my way down to her breasts! God she had the nicest tits! I eventually made my way down to her wet pussy where she proceeds to grab me by the back of my head and shove my face in her! My mouth was watering as I heard her moan! I began to lick her juices that were now over flowing onto the bed! As I licked her pussy I looked up to see her stomach muscles quiver with every lick! After about 15 minutes of pleasing her and myself this way she grabs my head again and says "Fuck me!" We fucked for hours and eventually fell asleep!

The next day, at the party Sherri completely blows me off and is talking to some other guy! I proceeded to get drunk and eventually started to be an asshole! After finshing off a 5th of vodka I threw the bottle across the room nearly hitting her and the guy she was talking to! Sherri and her sister came over to ask what that was all about as I was reaching for another bottle of vodka! I asked her why the fuck she was blowing me off? Come to find out it was another ex-boyfriend that someone else had invited! I told him about the night before and told him to enjoy the sloppy seconds! He started to get in my face and Sherri stepped in between he and I! I literally picked her up and moved her from between us, like you would see in the movies! I grabbed him by the neck and started to squeeze while he was trying to remove my hand! Sherri started screaming at me and calling me an asshole! I let go of the guy and apologized and said it was not his fault! I told him to excuse my behavior while explaining what had happened the night before and why I was even there to begin with! He was mad but understood! Sherri was furious with me and I with her! I grabbed my shit and left, but before leaving I told her sister to lose my number! I never heard from either one again!

[hlcn8]

my best date ever wasn't even really a "date," but a girl I had just begun seeing was going to a party with some of her coworkers and asked me along. We proceeded to all get a little drunk, and the next thing I know I'm laying on a bed with her, and this other girl facing the other direction whom I thought was passed out. My girl and I started to make out, and the next thing I know the other girl is sucking on my fingers, and just sort of jumps into the fray. The other girl turned out to be a "squirter," and by the time we'd finished we'd soaked nearly half the bed.

[jmac2222]

My worst date...

I was 17 and had just gotten a new car, a convertible. I had scored a date with this girl who I had liked for a little while. Not really much of a plan for the date, just to drive around check out my car. I was hoping she would check under the hood! (cheesy, I know but keep reading).

I grew up working outside during the summers before football kicked in. That tends to dehydrate you by the afternoon. This particular night I was ravenous from working hard all day and I ate a really big plateful of lasagna before the big date. This was a big mistake.

I picked her up and we drove around and talked. Everything was going pretty good. Then suddenly I had to fart so I tried to slide one out, silent and smooth. You know how you can tell by the smell when someone's stomach is fucked? Well you could definitely tell mine was. I was in a convertible so it wasnt that bad, but I knew I had to get home and I was at least fifteen minutes from her house. I started screaming back for her house. She asked me what was wrong and I told her "nothing", I told her that I was just seeing what the new car would do. As I flew down the road I kept farting and even with the top down it was really starting to stink. She could tell because she asked me if I was allright. I said I was fine and just kept driving.

I got back to her house in about ten minutes. With the car stopped the stench was really bad as I now had no control of my bowels whatsoever. It was all I could do to not shit on myself. I knew she could smell it now. She asked me if I was OK, I said "yes", but admitted that my stomach was hurting. She asked if I wanted to come inside. It was her parents house so this was 'come inside and use the bathroom' not 'come inside and fuck me'. I knew that if I stood up I would definitely lose it right on her lawn. This is high school we are talking about here so if you shit on a girl's lawn after a date it's going to get around. Also I didnt want to just run into her house and unleash this death upon her parents bathroom. This stuff could make the paint peal. It was awful smelling. I told her that I would be OK. Just going to head out and see some friends down the street and that she could call me later.

Her parents were very wealthy and lived in a big house in a nice suburb. Well lit. As I cruised off I realized that this was it. I wasnt going to make it home, I wasnt even going to make it to the waffle house. It was coming out, NOW, whether I want it to or not. I got four houses down, pulled over and shit right in the front lawn of somebody's house. It was a blow out too. You would have thought an animal had died right there if you could have smelled it. I also think I saw a picture of it on unsolved mysteries as proof of alien visitors. It was everywhere. Remember that this is a wealthy trendy neighborhood where there are always people out jogging or walking thier dog. I was in a hurry so I quickly took off my shirt, wiped my ass with it and threw it in a trash can by the curb. Jumped in my car and sped away.

It didnt stop there. I stopped and shat in two more yards on the way home. I couldnt stop and use a public facility because I had no shirt. I used my socks to wipe on the last one. I got home and threw away my underwear and left my pants sitting in the yard. I headed for the lawn hose and started to spray myself down. It was late so my Mom got up (this is high school) and checked outside. She noticed that I was walking around outside asshole naked taking a shower. My brother also saw me and came outside to ask me what the fuck I was doing. I told him the whole story because we are close in age and best friends. He went inside and told my Mom that I was just fucking nuts and to leave it at that.

The girl never called me. I think she had an idea of what had happened, but didnt tell anyone else. One of those things were you think you know, but it just sounds too stupid to be real so you dont tell anyone else.



That was nine years ago. That was the worst date ever.

[soprano9mm]

Worst Date- Went out on a date with a girl I get set up with, she hated me by the end of the night and went home with another guy.

Best date- is when There is a 2nd, for me anyway.

[FX4]

Originally posted by jmac2222
My worst date...

I was 17 and had just gotten a new car, a convertible. I had scored a date with this girl who I had liked for a little while. Not really much of a plan for the date, just to drive around check out my car. I was hoping she would check under the hood! (cheesy, I know but keep reading).

I grew up working outside during the summers before football kicked in. That tends to dehydrate you by the afternoon. This particular night I was ravenous from working hard all day and I ate a really big plateful of lasagna before the big date. This was a big mistake.

I picked her up and we drove around and talked. Everything was going pretty good. Then suddenly I had to fart so I tried to slide one out, silent and smooth. You know how you can tell by the smell when someone's stomach is fucked? Well you could definitely tell mine was. I was in a convertible so it wasnt that bad, but I knew I had to get home and I was at least fifteen minutes from her house. I started screaming back for her house. She asked me what was wrong and I told her "nothing", I told her that I was just seeing what the new car would do. As I flew down the road I kept farting and even with the top down it was really starting to stink. She could tell because she asked me if I was allright. I said I was fine and just kept driving.

I got back to her house in about ten minutes. With the car stopped the stench was really bad as I now had no control of my bowels whatsoever. It was all I could do to not shit on myself. I knew she could smell it now. She asked me if I was OK, I said "yes", but admitted that my stomach was hurting. She asked if I wanted to come inside. It was her parents house so this was 'come inside and use the bathroom' not 'come inside and fuck me'. I knew that if I stood up I would definitely lose it right on her lawn. This is high school we are talking about here so if you shit on a girl's lawn after a date it's going to get around. Also I didnt want to just run into her house and unleash this death upon her parents bathroom. This stuff could make the paint peal. It was awful smelling. I told her that I would be OK. Just going to head out and see some friends down the street and that she could call me later.

Her parents were very wealthy and lived in a big house in a nice suburb. Well lit. As I cruised off I realized that this was it. I wasnt going to make it home, I wasnt even going to make it to the waffle house. It was coming out, NOW, whether I want it to or not. I got four houses down, pulled over and shit right in the front lawn of somebody's house. It was a blow out too. You would have thought an animal had died right there if you could have smelled it. I also think I saw a picture of it on unsolved mysteries as proof of alien visitors. It was everywhere. Remember that this is a wealthy trendy neighborhood where there are always people out jogging or walking thier dog. I was in a hurry so I quickly took off my shirt, wiped my ass with it and threw it in a trash can by the curb. Jumped in my car and sped away.

It didnt stop there. I stopped and shat in two more yards on the way home. I couldnt stop and use a public facility because I had no shirt. I used my socks to wipe on the last one. I got home and threw away my underwear and left my pants sitting in the yard. I headed for the lawn hose and started to spray myself down. It was late so my Mom got up (this is high school) and checked outside. She noticed that I was walking around outside asshole naked taking a shower. My brother also saw me and came outside to ask me what the fuck I was doing. I told him the whole story because we are close in age and best friends. He went inside and told my Mom that I was just fucking nuts and to leave it at that.

The girl never called me. I think she had an idea of what had happened, but didnt tell anyone else. One of those things were you think you know, but it just sounds too stupid to be real so you dont tell anyone else.



That was nine years ago. That was the worst date ever.

HOLY SHIT That has got to be the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life....please tell me you're a and made that up

[jmac2222]

Originally posted by FX4
HOLY SHIT That has got to be the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life....please tell me you're a and made that up

If I could make stories like that up I wouldnt have to work for a living. No my friend...that is real.

I shit you not. (pun)

[Git R Done]

Originally posted by jmac2222
My worst date...

I was 17 and had just gotten a new car, a convertible. I had scored a date with this girl who I had liked for a little while. Not really much of a plan for the date, just to drive around check out my car. I was hoping she would check under the hood! (cheesy, I know but keep reading).

I grew up working outside during the summers before football kicked in. That tends to dehydrate you by the afternoon. This particular night I was ravenous from working hard all day and I ate a really big plateful of lasagna before the big date. This was a big mistake.

I picked her up and we drove around and talked. Everything was going pretty good. Then suddenly I had to fart so I tried to slide one out, silent and smooth. You know how you can tell by the smell when someone's stomach is fucked? Well you could definitely tell mine was. I was in a convertible so it wasnt that bad, but I knew I had to get home and I was at least fifteen minutes from her house. I started screaming back for her house. She asked me what was wrong and I told her "nothing", I told her that I was just seeing what the new car would do. As I flew down the road I kept farting and even with the top down it was really starting to stink. She could tell because she asked me if I was allright. I said I was fine and just kept driving.

I got back to her house in about ten minutes. With the car stopped the stench was really bad as I now had no control of my bowels whatsoever. It was all I could do to not shit on myself. I knew she could smell it now. She asked me if I was OK, I said "yes", but admitted that my stomach was hurting. She asked if I wanted to come inside. It was her parents house so this was 'come inside and use the bathroom' not 'come inside and fuck me'. I knew that if I stood up I would definitely lose it right on her lawn. This is high school we are talking about here so if you shit on a girl's lawn after a date it's going to get around. Also I didnt want to just run into her house and unleash this death upon her parents bathroom. This stuff could make the paint peal. It was awful smelling. I told her that I would be OK. Just going to head out and see some friends down the street and that she could call me later.

Her parents were very wealthy and lived in a big house in a nice suburb. Well lit. As I cruised off I realized that this was it. I wasnt going to make it home, I wasnt even going to make it to the waffle house. It was coming out, NOW, whether I want it to or not. I got four houses down, pulled over and shit right in the front lawn of somebody's house. It was a blow out too. You would have thought an animal had died right there if you could have smelled it. I also think I saw a picture of it on unsolved mysteries as proof of alien visitors. It was everywhere. Remember that this is a wealthy trendy neighborhood where there are always people out jogging or walking thier dog. I was in a hurry so I quickly took off my shirt, wiped my ass with it and threw it in a trash can by the curb. Jumped in my car and sped away.

It didnt stop there. I stopped and shat in two more yards on the way home. I couldnt stop and use a public facility because I had no shirt. I used my socks to wipe on the last one. I got home and threw away my underwear and left my pants sitting in the yard. I headed for the lawn hose and started to spray myself down. It was late so my Mom got up (this is high school) and checked outside. She noticed that I was walking around outside asshole naked taking a shower. My brother also saw me and came outside to ask me what the fuck I was doing. I told him the whole story because we are close in age and best friends. He went inside and told my Mom that I was just fucking nuts and to leave it at that.

The girl never called me. I think she had an idea of what had happened, but didnt tell anyone else. One of those things were you think you know, but it just sounds too stupid to be real so you dont tell anyone else.



That was nine years ago. That was the worst date ever.

OMG,
I aint laughed that hard in a long time!
Thanks for sharing!

[Puddles]

Originally posted by jmac2222
If I could make stories like that up I wouldnt have to work for a living. No my friend...that is real.

I shit you not. (pun)

Terrible date but a great story to have to tell!

Have you ever read the Ryan's Steakhouse story?

[bad14u]

Originally posted by Puddles
Terrible date but a great story to have to tell!

Have you ever read the Ryan's Steakhouse story?

I think I have! Is that the one where the guy shits everywhere and cleans it up with a hose in the bathroom?

[bad14u]

The Ryan's Steakhouse Story

by Anonymous

Now, I know that there is a lot of embellishment that occurs on this group and I am aware that a small number of things are perhaps sheer fabrication, but I have a story to tell that is the absolute truth.

Funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you - in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.

I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first I thought it was only gas, which could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much concern.

Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress... I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good shit. But in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire-cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a shit.

I went to the normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical portions. I began "The Move."

For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that one’s ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.

I was about halfway into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night. It was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch.

What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events is a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can. In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus.

Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted. At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of shit the consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ass.

But remember, I was only halfway down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such force, and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat, that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall - at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down. Recall that when that event occurred, I was already halfway to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the shit wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls - unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one-third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon.

Now, back to the vomit...

While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly-opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweatpants with elastic on the ankles. In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet. In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended. Yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in shit that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic-tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shi