Tool Problems

[Mr.Smithers]

Having problems keeping it up just b4 having sex. I get hard when the my girl and I fool around, but when it's time to have sex, I can't seem to keep it up sometimes. I'm not stressed and masterbation is not a problem..... Does anybody out there have this problem?

[Puddles]

Usually guys go through this when there's a lot of stress in their lives. Have you tried cialis or viagra?

[DS-COUSIN]

New medications? Do you use "super supplements?" Stress? Back track it to when it first started and go from there. If it's stress related like Puddles said, try something to keep you going regardless, like StaminaRX, liquid cialis, viagra, etc...you can get liquid cialis online without a perscription and I think liquid viagra too. The staminaRX is over the counter in your local adult shop...

good luck

[mastakillah]

have your lady smoke your cock for awhile.

[Cory]

could you possibly be gay?

[Puddles]

Originally posted by Cory
could you possibly be gay?

Is that wishful thinking on your part or a common problem with gay men?

[Cory]

Originally posted by Puddles
Is that wishful thinking on your part or a common problem with gay men?

Of course the latter, Puddles honey!!

[bigcmonster]

Get naked.... fool around.... insert penis!

[BENCH355ANIMAL]

Doctors call this "Perfomance Anxiety". The description as well as symptoms are below.

Millions of American men suffer with sexual performance anxiety. Below, clinical psychologist Dr. Robert J. Filewich, a specialist in anxiety disorders, and psychiatrist Dr. Ken Rosenberg, an expert in sexual disorders, give you the low down on how to keep it up.

Q: What is performance anxiety?
ROBERT J. FILEWICH, PhD: Performance anxiety, in sexual terms and with sexual problems, is when a person has an anticipation of some sort of problem occurring in the sexual act. As a consequence, they develop a sense of anxiety, which translates into an inability to become erect or an inability to have sex for a certain duration before they achieve orgasm, or premature ejaculation.

Q: Why does it happen?
KEN ROSENBERG, MD: We were not made to be anxious and have sex at the same time. When we're anxious, we're not ready to have intercourse. Our plumbing does not work when we become anxious, and therefore when we're extremely anxious we just can't perform very well sexually. ROBERT J. FILEWICH, PhD: And the anxiety is usually fear-based. It's the fear of being rejected, fear of disappointing a partner.

Q: How does performance anxiety manifest itself?
ROBERT J. FILEWICH, PhD: There are a few ways it can happen. You can get erect, and as you're about to have sex, you lose your erection, or maybe you're actually in the process of having intercourse and you lose the erection, or perhaps you don't get erect at all. Usually what happens is that the person is focusing on the orgasm, and not really focusing on all the rest of what goes on in the sexual encounter. As therapists, we try to get the person to focus more on the relationship and the sensory experiences that they're having as opposed to the final goal - focus on the process rather than the product

Q: What are some treatments for performance anxiety in men?
ROBERT J. FILEWICH, PhD: There are a multitude of different treatments. One of the treatments that was developed some time ago by Masters and Johnson is what is known as a sensate focus technique. Through a series of four stages, a person begins to learn to stop focusing on the orgasm, and stop worrying about whether or not he or she can provide the partner with the opportunity to achieve orgasm, and start focusing more on what the sensory stimulation is like, what it feels like to actually enjoy being stimulated. They learn to enjoy the ways in which they can pleasure each other, and it takes the focus off of what's happening at the end. So you'll start off with a stage where you'll keep your clothes on, and you'll actually just go ahead and touch each other and communicate with each other. Once you're doing that for a while and you're comfortable with that, you'll move to the second stage.

The idea is that if you're with your partner a good number of times without the expectation of orgasm, then the whole experience now starts to take on a completely different flavor. You're now realizing that there's so much more that's going on in terms of you and your partner than orgasm, and orgasm becomes less important. When it becomes less important, you're not going to be thinking about performance. You're going to be thinking about other things, and you're going to actually enjoy the experience, which will result in arousal.

KEN ROSENBERG, MD: In fact, the first homework assignment that we give our patients is, "You can't even have an orgasm. Erection is not the goal." You encourage the person to avoid thinking about that.

We even encourage them to think of it as a violation of their homework assignment to have an orgasm. So with that pressure gone, hopefully they begin to enjoy sex and not worry if they are going to have an orgasm.

ROBERT J. FILEWICH, PhD: At that point they'll move to the second stage where they'll be caressing and touching and communicating without clothes. The third stage is actually being inside your partner but not thrusting, and the last stage is actually thrusting. But the focus is on the sensations. That's why they call it "sensate focus."

Q: Some men are concerned that they're unable to have an orgasm during oral sex. Does this constitute performance anxiety?
KEN ROSENBERG, MD: Some people are just built that way. If oral sex is your thing, that's great; if it's not your thing, that's okay, too. There could be any number of reasons. It could be because they're very anxious. It could be because they have some psychological fear that the woman will devour their penis.

ROBERT J. FILEWICH, PhD: But communication is the most important thing. A woman may feel that because she can't give him an orgasm orally, that there's something wrong with her. He just may not have the certain sensory nerve endings that accommodate it, so it could be a physical thing for him. Then the issue between that couple becomes, "Is this a problem, and why is it a problem, and how can the two of you as a couple compromise and deal with this because he's not into it and you're into it." That's a really infrequent problem, by the way.

Q: Some men have the opposite problem with oral sex. They ejaculate too soon. What can be done about that?
ROBERT J. FILEWICH, PhD: Lots of different things. They can use medication to inhibit sexual response to avoid premature ejaculation. There is a technique called the squeeze and stop technique where you actually use your own body as a biofeedback device. You can learn the point of no return so that you don't get to it until you want to get to it. The partner could masturbate before sex so that he or she is very, very sexually aroused as well, and they can still achieve orgasm together

[Face]

Initially it was probably stress that caused you to go soft; but after that, it was probably the anxiety of expecting to go soft that made you lose your erection.....

Solution: Try not to worry and don't think about it

[JUICE]

i get that shit too. It sucks, cause while foreplay i was hard as hell, veins popping from everywhere. Then when i was about to put it in my girl, its goes soft. I was like damn it. This has happend a few times now.

I leanred not to rub one out before have sex anytime during the day, cause i get softer.

[6p6]

see guys we just need to talk about this!!!! Think how long women have been open to each other about stuff but guys are to macho....

....every guy has this problem and STRESS then anxiety causes it...I've been there recently and it just takes getting the stress out of your life...not always easy but at least a goal...then the anxiety will go away!

[Puddles]

Originally posted by 6p6
see guys we just need to talk about this!!!! Think how long women have been open to each other about stuff but guys are to macho....

....every guy has this problem and STRESS then anxiety causes it...I've been there recently and it just takes getting the stress out of your life...not always easy but at least a goal...then the anxiety will go away!

Guys do tend to be shy when talking about stuff like this. But having a forum like this to talk things out sure helps.

Remember too, guys, when stuff like this happens, girls are ok with it, so don't worry about what they're thinking.

[GunzInCali]

Originally posted by Cory
could you possibly be gay?

I think Cory hit the nail on the head. We also forgot to ask what his g-friend looks like. That could have something to do with it