losing interest questions

[JUICE]

hey guys, what are sign when ones losing interested in thier husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend. What is it that makes one lose interest in you partner. Things like ambitions, goals, attraction, fights, etc.

[BBAddict]

I think the first thing that makes you lose interest is totally different interests and goals in life. If you're not heading the same place, you're heading apart. I've gone through this with my wife. There was a time that I had my own friends, my own recreational activities and my own life. We just kinda did our own things all of the time and there really was no relationship anymore-its was pretty meaningless to even be married.

[johnstephenson]

IMO arguements (petty little ones).. then after a while i noticed that all the cute things my wife did when we met are not sooo cute anymore and i tended to focus on what bugs me, all the annoying things.... which in turn is just a turn off all together,
Lucky me I get to work out of town every once in a while and when i come home its refreshing, I think it may just be the fact of being around someone for to long a period of time, I lived with best friends and they even get annoying as hell..... Tough question but this is just my opinion.. Try space apart even just for a weekend..

[Shibby]

Age can have alot to do with it. Just being that times are different when you met. If you talking about you juice, at 23 and she's younger, both of you have changed alot over the last few years. Hell I think before 25 and before you go to and graduate college, you change so quickly every year. Untill you have a life that you have established will be your carreer, to raise your family, and so has your partner, things are going to change rappidly. Only a select few can find long term love at a young age. For most, that love you first had has changed. Since your intrests and goals have changed so does the way you love.

[JUICE]

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[Shibby]

Bro, to tell you what to do without knowing you personally and being there is something no one can do. We can give you are thoughts and let you sort things out from there. Maybe, not totally ignore her for the next few days, but do take time apart to think about everything. You have been trying to complete school for a while now. I don't know if it's a factor but I can tell you it truly does only get harder to finish as you get older. So many more responsiblities that affect your food, water and shelter. You were young when you first met, it's completely understandable that you have evolved into different people. Accepting that it's the truth and that it is no one's fault, should you choose to concentrate on yourself, are things that happen all the time. You can ask yourself why as much as you want, but you will never get a good enough answer. With my ex we faded appart. We were both partyer's but didn't find the home life the same as we followed our own goals more. But even though on the outside it seemed like there wasn't much different, things have changed. I now am completely different from how I was at that time. I kept changing and continued to push forward. I now have a new girl that I can honestly say I love more than before, and for different reasons. It feels more real and not as much as puppy love. The kind of love that you know you can build a future on. I accepted that it wasn't anyone's fault eventually, but it took a long time to learn. The only thing that was both our faults was that we weren't honest with what we felt sooner. I wouldn't think so much about making a decision now. This is not something to decide without alot of time and thought. Think through what you want over the next few days. Go talk to her and then take it from there. I would suggest you make it known, that when you go to talk to her that you're not looking for each other to make an immidiate decission. After talking it out, take a few hours alone, or day, or more (what ever is needed) then make a calm, informative, and clear minded decision. Remember it's NOT anyone's fault.

[JUICE]

Originally posted by Shibby
Bro, to tell you what to do without knowing you personally and being there is something no one can do. We can give you are thoughts and let you sort things out from there. Maybe, not totally ignore her for the next few days, but do take time apart to think about everything. You have been trying to complete school for a while now. I don't know if it's a factor but I can tell you it truly does only get harder to finish as you get older. So many more responsiblities that affect your food, water and shelter. You were young when you first met, it's completely understandable that you have evolved into different people. Accepting that it's the truth and that it is no one's fault, should you choose to concentrate on yourself, are things that happen all the time. You can ask yourself why as much as you want, but you will never get a good enough answer. With my ex we faded appart. We were both partyer's but didn't find the home life the same as we followed our own goals more. But even though on the outside it seemed like there wasn't much different, things have changed. I now am completely different from how I was at that time. I kept changing and continued to push forward. I now have a new girl that I can honestly say I love more than before, and for different reasons. It feels more real and not as much as puppy love. The kind of love that you know you can build a future on. I accepted that it wasn't anyone's fault eventually, but it took a long time to learn. The only thing that was both our faults was that we weren't honest with what we felt sooner. I wouldn't think so much about making a decision now. This is not something to decide without alot of time and thought. Think through what you want over the next few days. Go talk to her and then take it from there. I would suggest you make it known, that when you go to talk to her that you're not looking for each other to make an immidiate decission. After talking it out, take a few hours alone, or day, or more (what ever is needed) then make a calm, informative, and clear minded decision. Remember it's NOT anyone's fault.

i'll just give it time and see how it goes, where time takes us. If we were meant to be, let it be. If not, well i gotta move on and forget about the past. Its hard

[Primal Instinct]

You might want to do something together that you haven't experienced before, like take a weekend trip somewhere together. No cell phones, other friends or stuff like that. Just both of you in a place without the usual distractions and outside influences. Like a camping trip or something. Perhaps you will both rediscover what each of you found special about the other in the first place. Don't focus on your troubles there though. Just enjoy your trip and each other's company. Let things happen as they unfold. Watch the sunset, see the stars, have a campfire, take hikes together, go fishing or canoeing or something. See what happens.

[JUICE]

..

[shortz]

Originally posted by Shibby
Age can have alot to do with it. Just being that times are different when you met. If you talking about you juice, at 23 and she's younger, both of you have changed alot over the last few years. Hell I think before 25 and before you go to and graduate college, you change so quickly every year. Untill you have a life that you have established will be your carreer, to raise your family, and so has your partner, things are going to change rappidly. Only a select few can find long term love at a young age. For most, that love you first had has changed. Since your intrests and goals have changed so does the way you love.

This is the very frist thing that popped into my head also.

[Shibby]

I like Primal's idea, just to add. I would make sure it's something you would both like really like to do. I wouldn't do it as a test of your relationship. It may work like a fairy tale, but you would hate to spend that kind of money and at the very least, feel tension the whole time.

[Puddles]

It's hard if you don't approve or get along with your partners friends. They have a right to choose their friends but you don't want to see them go in the wrong direction. There really isn't much you can do about it though. She will make her decisions as will you.

Aside from the friends she chooses, is there much else that bothers you?

Early into a relationship you tend to notice the good stuff more than the annoying things, then as time goes on the little annoying things can become the main focus. You can choose to redirect your focus though and get back to the things that attracted you two to begin with.

[romancaesar]

Juice -- I believe it is simply sex. If you can't keep it going in the bedroom, it will permeate all aspects of your relation. While you may still continue to respect and work with the spouse in the maintenance of the household, the raising of kids, paying of bills, and all the other assorted and sundry items of day-to-day life, , there will always be increased friction cause you ain't gettin' any, or that which you're getting ain't varied enough or quality.

I believe some of this happens to couples as they hit their 40's and then their 50's, if they don't maintain their bodies, supplement heavily with sex hormones and growth hormones,
and as they gradually decline into middle-age.

Workload also plays a factor. If she is busy taking care of a huge house, tons of bills, kids all over the place, and doesn't have much help, or simply too much to do overall for the both of you, that saps time away from the two of you getting it on in the bedroom. A hard career can be a pain in the ass and also
very dangerous to one's health, yours and hers.

Sex, even so-so sex, can be a tremendous energy-inducer
and healer. Days or weeks of issues can be forgotten by the
man in a few minutes of a good blowjob and by the woman
in a half-hour or hour of great intercourse -- I simplify of course.

But if ya ain't doing it, the healing never happens and the
two of you simply harden your stances and positions. It's
at this time and before that affairs creep in. Where that new
person looks incredibly good and attractive.

Usually, the female in the relation has a reason for not
wanting sex. It is often interest-level which can be related
to hormones, if she is older. An endocrinologist should
check her out thoroughly with a female hormone panel.
For younger women, that is a more difficult situation in
my opinion since their hormones are still in control and
driving them this way and that. Most women are somewhat
masochistic and if they stop being concilliatory after being
somewhat mistreated, in order to make peace with the
dominant one, then I would think things are probably
breaking down. I would not advocate being too gentle
with younger women in general, even spouses. They
respect strength and confidence and don't want to have
to do your job for you. They want to be able to be a
woman. So I would recommend toughening up with them
personally. Don't let them push you around. Remember,
they've been raised in a man's world, are frustrated by it,
and will test you and all men at every opportunity. Only
the really, really nice ones don't do that. And if you run
into one of them, take very good care of her!

ROMAN

[JUICE]

Originally posted by Puddles
It's hard if you don't approve or get along with your partners friends. They have a right to choose their friends but you don't want to see them go in the wrong direction. There really isn't much you can do about it though. She will make her decisions as will you.

Aside from the friends she chooses, is there much else that bothers you?

Early into a relationship you tend to notice the good stuff more than the annoying things, then as time goes on the little annoying things can become the main focus. You can choose to redirect your focus though and get back to the things that attracted you two to begin with.

i dont really know if this is true or not but like the saying goes "u are who u hang out with". I know shes not like her friends but the view, like as in me seeing her with them, makes me think.

Thats very true what u say, in the begining theres love and all, u like the persons ways and all. But after a time, things just change. Its been happening to us recently.

[Shibby]

I don't know if I agree with it being that you start looking at the petty things. I think you just look deeper into the person and see different things other than just lusful love. It dosn't make it any less of who they are if you're noticing it more now. But it is up to you not to get hung up on it if it's not important. It seems to really bother you Juice so it is important. You have to decide how important it is to your future with her.

[rude]

Originally posted by JUICE
i dont really know if this is true or not but like the saying goes "u are who u hang out with". I know shes not like her friends but the view, like as in me seeing her with them, makes me think.

Thats very true what u say, in the begining theres love and all, u like the persons ways and all. But after a time, things just change. Its been happening to us recently.

Just let her go bro, I have known you on these boards for over 2 years now and your always having problems with her and her friends. If she was going to change she would have already. Can you imagine dealing with that crap for the rest of your life?

It seems like the only reason you all stay together is becuase you all have years invested in the relationship instead of staying together becuase you love each other.

I bet once you let her go, you will be better off in the long run

[buccaneer19]

Originally posted by rude
Just let her go bro, I have known you on these boards for over 2 years now and your always having problems with her and her friends. If she was going to change she would have already. Can you imagine dealing with that crap for the rest of your life?

It seems like the only reason you all stay together is becuase you all have years invested in the relationship instead of staying together becuase you love each other.

I bet once you let her go, you will be better off in the long run

i agree, but i know this is hard juice

[bad14u]

There have been a lot of good ideas thrown at you Juice, but you are the only one that knows YOU and what is good for YOU! Take some time off from one another, like a week or two! While you are apart the first thing you need to do is go and get a nice long massage to help release the tention that has built up in your body! After that, take a walk or a drive somewhere and think about about what you want, what you need, where you are, where you are headed! Ask yourself "Can I keep doing this for the rest of my life?" Continue to focus on yourself while you two are apart, but do not lose sight of what you want from her either. Everyone has their bad habits or quirks that can really get on our nerves but that is no reason to break up with them. As for friends everybody has a friend or two or fifty that we do not like. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it and associate with them though. My gf has friends and relatives that I just absolutely hate, but you know what, I will associate with them once in a blue moon just so she knows I am trying.

When you two get back together, remember this....a relationship isn't 50/50! You both have to put in 110%. If you are giving your all and she is not and the tention starts to creep back in................GET OUT OF IT! To love someone is awesome but sometimes love is not enough!

Best of luck Bro!

[dreamgirl]

to me the relationship with my husband is easy. I don't have to do much at all to keep him happy... and fr him to keep me happy, I don't think he has to do much either.

I think of all the past relationships that I had and WHAT A PAIN!!! I'm so glad Im not with them. ALl the worrying and crying and fighting... I wouldn't want it.

So to know that a realtionship can be pretty easy and work out is wonderful. Maybe just keep that in the back of your head.

[dreamgirl]

you know what else? I just thought of...

I've had problems that I brought up with my friends about all my past bf's and we talked about how to resolve them... I don't think I ever did that with my hubby. Every once in a while I ask someone for advice but never complain about my hubby to them.

That's the difference.... wow, look at what I came up with today... it makes me feel good knowing this is who I married...

[JUICE]

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[Shibby]

I'm dreamgirl, look at me wooooooo

[BBAddict]

Maybe I'm , but I'm happy she's so happy. As long as I don't have to hear about all that romantic crap!

[Shibby]

No, it's that Juice has something important going on and she keeps talking about how happy and how great she thinks her life is.