i'm so lost

[psyko1]

i'm so confused right now that i don't even know where to begin. i've got so much going on right now that there's not enough hours in my day to get it all done. well i'll start with saying that my girlfriend is pregnant. now i love her so much, but i just don't have time for her. now hear me out before you start typing. she says i don't spend time with her and that she's lonely and she needs me. all of this i fully understand, and i know i have to be there for her and believe me i want to, but it isn't as easy as that. i go to school full time 30hrs/week and i'm working full time 48hrs/week. that really doesn't leave me with much free time. sundays and saturday mornings are pretty much all i have free, and that time i TRY and spend it with my son. i get bitched at and made to feel like shit by her because i don't see her enough, and i get bitched at and made to feel like the world's worst father by my mom because she spends more time with my son than i do. i mean it's like if i neglect my son i can spend time with her, and if i neglect her i can spend time with my son. what am i supposed to do? i've told her that i will quit school or work to see her and i mean it but in all reality i can't afford to do either. then she tells me to move in with her so i can see her more but with our schedules we really wouldn't see each other any more than we do now. she says that sleeping next to her is enough but is it really? i mean keep in mind i'm a guy i really don't see what the difference is if i sleep next to her or not. so i got this to worry about. then all i do at shcool and work is think of how i'm pushing her away by not being there. what is it that women do when they feel lonely and neglected? they find someone else to make them feel whole again. and that worries me. it happened before and i didn't find out about it for over a half a year later. as much as i love her and as much as she says she loves me she's only human. what do i do? how can i be there for her? i'm not really sure that there's an answer to be given here i just really needed to vent. sorry guys. i just feel like i have no one i can talk to and have them understand my situation right now.

[Stonecold54]

Well I can tell you that my sister and her husband hardly ever see each other and they have been married for 5 years or so...that is what a commiment is...it is long term planning for future happiness. It is harder in your case because you are just girlfriend and boyfriend. It makes it somewhat easier and harder at the same time. She needs to understand that you doing what you are doing for yours and hers future (Assuming you are getting married). I use my sister as an example because they are having all their kids now...(her third is on the way). My brother in law is working and finishing his masters degree at night. and my sister teaches during the day. they have to do it that way to watch the kids. You wrote a long post but it comes down to communication between you and her and what you both want. And understanding what the future will hold. It makes it easier with a goal or a light at the end of the stress tunnel.

[Shibby]

I agree with SC, there seems to be alot of anger there that has put walls up in your communication. Take it from me, I was overloaded also and my girlfriend is 7 months pregnant. I quite my second job and not only am I very happy I did, I wish I never would have started it. It turned into a mistake that I learned from. That little extra money was not worth sacrificing my family. They are the ones that will be there when no one else will. If you can work a fewer hours and get by I would suggest that since a semester worth of school work can be so long to put off. On the other hand you are taking 30hours. That's alot, and as much as you would hate to delay anything a little longer, maybe you should cut your hours down. It may take you an extra semester to finish everything, but in the long run that is nothing. Espeacially when it comes to your families. As far a sleeping next to her, don't make it sound so pointless. Just becuase you are not awake you are still bonding in your relationship. The comfort of just having you there and that you will take sleeping next to her over nothing means alot more than you think. Durning the first part of the week I sleep during the day. I know that I am not sleeping there with her, but there is a comfort in knowing I am right with her if she needs anything.

[Taylor]

why not spend the weekends with your son and your girlfriend on occasion, you make it as if you need to pick and choose everytime....i dont have a son, but i've had plenty of dates where i've gone out and their little brother or sister tagged along

[dreamgirl]

This should be a walking advertisement on why you should have kids or get pregnant after your out of college and married.

sorry, had to say that...

you've put yourself in a super tough situation and there isn't gonna be any easy way out now. if your gf is pregnant, those pregnancy hormones are going to make every little thing seem huge. I agree - cut back on school hours, cut back on work, it's too much. you'll have to cut back on spending too. one extra semester won't kill you. it's like 4-5 months out of your life... that is nothing. and if it helps get you more time for son, gf and yourself, it's better than running yourself ragged.

[dreamgirl]

one more thing... just thought of...

once you have kids you have to think of them FIRST. they desperately need you in their life and seeing all the time spent away, isn't good. In the long run, they could really end up more troubled and you could run into majors problems once they are teenagers. They don't know how much money you have right now, they only know whether you are in their life or not.

[Puddles]

Is there a reason why your g/f can't come with you on the weekends whey you're with your son? How about taking turns say once a week sleeping over at each other's place, say you sleep at hers on Tuesdays and she sleeps at yours on Wed. then spend the weekends together too.

Going to school and working full time is tough, even tougher when kids and s/o's are in the picture but it can be done.

She probably feels insecure when you're not around much at night, especially now that she's pregnant. It has always been hard for me to sleep when hubby isn't home. It's just in the last year where it's gotten easier and we've been together for 20 yrs. It's a very secure feeling having your man sleeping in bed with you.

[Shibby]

[quote=dreamgirl]This should be a walking advertisement on why you should have kids or get pregnant after your out of college and married.

sorry, had to say that...
QUOTE]


and you are a walking advertisement for people who should think before they speak.

[dreamgirl]

Originally Posted by Shibby

and you are a walking advertisement for people who should think before they speak.

Ya know shibby, people have choices in life, and when anyone chooses to make their life harder than it needs to be, then that's their decision and they have to live with all of the consequenses that come with it.

[psyko1]

[quote=Shibby]

Originally Posted by dreamgirl

This should be a walking advertisement on why you should have kids or get pregnant after your out of college and married.

sorry, had to say that...
QUOTE]


and you are a walking advertisement for people who should think before they speak.

now hold on shibby, i took no offense to what dg said. it may be harsh but it's absolutely true. we're both in the same ballpark more or less and i'm sure she meant it with no bad intentions.

as for the anger putting up a wall between us it really hasn't we still talk about it and we communicate about it we just can't find a solution.

about my future with her, she's the woman i love and i would be lucky to be able to spend the rest of my life with her.

there is a reason that i don't bring my son around her. it's something that was said and done after he was born that i can't forgive.

and as for taking time off of class i can't it has to be full time. i could try and cut my hours at work but i doubt they're gonna let me. besides i need the money. as for not being in my kids life because of my schedule, it's not going to be like this forever. i'll graduate from school around this time next year. then i'll quit my job and get a morning job and work regular hours. like i tell her it's just gonna be hard for the next year but i know we can make it.

[bjbabe]

Psyko1

You are in a tough situation and by your post; i understand your point of view. If you girlfriend has asked for you to move in with her, it’s probably not, that she is not being understanding it’s that she just needs you there. No matter if it’s only to sleep, she just probably feels insecure or afraid to be alone. Especially if she is pregnant then her hormones are out of control. She needs a sense of security that you are there for her, no matter if its only a couple of hours a night. You say she is pregnant why do you think that she if going to find someone else to make her whole. Why would a girl or anyone leave someone to be whole? If the love that you both have is great then you have nothing to worry about.

Good luck!

[Taylor]

[quote=psyko1]

Originally Posted by Shibby

about my future with her, she's the woman i love and i would be lucky to be able to spend the rest of my life with her.

there is a reason that i don't bring my son around her. it's something that was said and done after he was born that i can't forgive.

what you said just sounds like it contradicted itself in a way....you say you love this girl, could marry her, could live with her...yet you won't allow her by your son....u can't have a good relationship if your wife to be and your son cannot be in the same room

if you can't get over whatever it was, then you should probably find a new woman because you can't just trade your son in for another one

[psyko1]

[quote=Taylor]

Originally Posted by psyko1

what you said just sounds like it contradicted itself in a way....you say you love this girl, could marry her, could live with her...yet you won't allow her by your son....u can't have a good relationship if your wife to be and your son cannot be in the same room

if you can't get over whatever it was, then you should probably find a new woman because you can't just trade your son in for another one

i never once said that i would trade my son in for another one. my son is my life and my unborn child will feel the same love from me. if it's between my children and any other living person then the choice is easy it'll be my children. this post wasn't about my son or child to be. they will be taken care of regardless of what happens between me and her. i simply am not sure how to go about my relationship with her. and yes i do love her, and no it isn't a contradiction. although i have already thought about what you mentioned before and i really don't know how it's going to work out.

[Taylor]

i'm just saying, for a relationship to exist with this girl of yours, she and your son will eventually need to develop their own relationship of sorts, and the sooner the better

[bjbabe]

Psyko

"You said that you are not sure how to go about your relationship with her?"

What do you mean by that, do you mean that you are not sure how to spend time with her, or how to work things out with her. If you say that you love her and you would be luck to spend the rest of your life with her. Then you really need to think about your options, either you forgive her for what ever was said or done when you son was born or you have to figure out how to spend time with her, then seperate time with your son. Without wearing yourself out, but to be honest with you i really dont see how thats is going to work out!

[Puddles]

Originally Posted by Taylor

i'm just saying, for a relationship to exist with this girl of yours, she and your son will eventually need to develop their own relationship of sorts, and the sooner the better

I was thinking the same thing.

We don't know all of the particulars of the situation, but as times goes on, if you plan on being with this girl long term or marrying her, then keeping them apart will not work well. I would imagine you want your children to know one another, don't you?

[psyko1]

Originally Posted by Puddles

I was thinking the same thing.

We don't know all of the particulars of the situation, but as times goes on, if you plan on being with this girl long term or marrying her, then keeping them apart will not work well. I would imagine you want your children to know one another, don't you?

yes i do and honestly if i try and explain more about the situation and how i feel then you're all going to tell me how much this isn't going to work. not that it hasn't occured to me i think about it all the time. i just don't know anymore. what to do, how to handle it, how to forgive, it's like i feel that we're just not meant to be. but i'm afraid of that. i'm really just going to take it day by day. it may not be the best way to approach it but i need to keep a clear head and that's the only way i feel i can do that.

[bjbabe]

Originally Posted by psyko1

yes i do and honestly if i try and explain more about the situation and how i feel then you're all going to tell me how much this isn't going to work. not that it hasn't occured to me i think about it all the time. i just don't know anymore. what to do, how to handle it, how to forgive, it's like i feel that we're just not meant to be. but i'm afraid of that. i'm really just going to take it day by day. it may not be the best way to approach it but i need to keep a clear head and that's the only way i feel i can do that.

Psyko

If you feel that you and her are not meant to be, then why try to work things out with her. All your going to do is hurt her in the long run, and to be honest if i was your girlfriend and you were not sure about us, then i would appreciated you just telling me instead of prolonging the realtionship. Puddles is right your son and your child to be need to get to know one another. You can't keep them seperate, it would be like your leading a double life and thats is not fair for you, nor her, or them. But you do whatever is best for you!

[Slashmonay]

Your working hard and going to school.....things are rough right now for ya and i know nothing can change that, but i think that your going to be very sucessful and once u graduate ull be able to work a high paying job and support your whole family. Just stick it out bro your doing great.

[psyko1]

i appreciate the words of encouragement. i hope you're right.