confused

[uniquemr2]

OK here is my situation, warning its long (my form relieving my pain). I met a girl three years ago and we both fell in love with each other. We'd call each other everyday for atleast a year, we often went out on dates and to my friends we were like girlfriend/boyfriend. At the time i was so shy that i didnt ask her out. Well after a year or so i finally got the guts to ask her out "officially". On the day I was going to ask her out i found out that my best friend who was really close with her asked her out! and in that same day i also found out she had a crush on my other friend! This totally got way too complicated and crushed my heart so i backed off and stopped talking to both of my friends and the girl. Later on the girl ended up with no one and was single for a while and she tried to get me back but at the time i had lost trust in her so i just ignored her, even though in my heart i still had feelings for her. For the next 2 years or so she had a few boy friends on and off and everytime she'd break up with them she'd give me many calls and we'd become really close again but i never let myself fall in love again b/c i was too scared although the feelings were there. Well recently she called me and we met up and she talked to me for the first time about her hurting me and she apologized and asked if she had a chance with me. I lied to her and said she didnt because she had a boyfriend already. I told her that we should be just friends. Now for the past couple of months we became really close again, closer than we were ever before and now i'm going crazy again exactly how i felt when she told me she liked my friend (jealous). I know i like her but i'm not sure what to do. I really dont want to break her relationship up with her boyfriend b/c i believe in treating others how you would like to be treated and i wouldnt want some punk to try to take my g/f. She tells me that she doesnt even know why she is still going out with the guy and he is very annoying and are not happy together. I rejected her many times but yet i feel i'm still in love with her. She basically calls me everyday and we often spend alot of time together. what should i do?!!!

[obscured78]

you started off saying you BOTH fell in love with each other and then you went on to say she had a crush on your friend; that means to me she really didnt love you. secondly one rule i always follow is if a girl has a boyfriend already, she is off limits to you. i dont care if she tells you she is not happy with him because she is STILL with him.

my advice would be if you cant just be friends without feelings and emotions getting all stirred up, it is time for closure. good luck and welcome to SM.

[Shibby]

Ok man here we go. I was in a very similar situation. I'll start off by telling you I was best friends with this girl for two years and it never worked out before this, becuase of each other having relationships. Just unlucky timeing. Well needless to say we ended up getting together finally and stayed together for over three years. But of course in perspective now we were still young. To this day she would be the only girl I truely loved. Yes I know I was in love with her. It's over two years later of not talking to her and I'm still sure of it. As far as when you should go for her only you will know what will be the best way since your living it. But I would have to tell you after all this time, I think you should give it a chance. You may either find the love of your life or you will know what you have always wanted to know and happily be able to move on. I know niether one of you are wanting to show your true feelings until you know it will be a positive. Wait till she dosn't have a boyfriend or do it while she does. That's your call. But I think you have and obligation to you and her long before her boyfriend. Your not just some guy that is trying to take someones girlfriend. Yall have known each other longer than some guy. To some extent yall have been together long before them and spiritually he is stealing her from you.

[hitmansb]

Dude, go for it. There's no worse question in life than "What if?" Give it a shot, you've got nothing to lose at this point, since you're already so heavily invested emotionally. Win or lose, it's better to have played the game than to have sat on the sidelines.

[bluedevil]

imo from my experiences its always best to be honest upfront, say how you really feel, dont play games anymore. it just adds to the frustration. as said by hitmansb, it sucks to be what iffing all the time.
good luck!!

[JUICE]

[edvedr]

i don't think she ever did anything wrong to u. you should have not waited a year to get the guts up. i would tell her that if she does not want to be with this guy, then she has to do something about that, and she should not mention it again until she is single. then go for it!!!

[petite]

I don't really know what to say. I was in a similar situation once. I was the best of friends with this guy for years. He was like my best friend. I always knew he liked me for more than a friend but I never felt the same way. We finally started dating. And to be honest....I hated it!! No matter how much I wanted to fall in love with him..I just couldn't. He was a perfect guy! But, the feelings were just not there. They were for him, but not for me. I had to break his heart. Which was very hard for me because I loved him soooo much as a friend. It ruined our friendship for awhile, but eventually he realized that my friendship ment alot to him and he came back around. We were great friends again. It was never quite the same as it was, but we were friends.

[uniquemr2]

Okay heres an update:
She tells me she likes me and i told her all my feelings after she broke up with her boyfriend. Now she's getting all depreseed with breaking up with him. They still talk on the phone and basically see each other on a daily basis. The guy purposely flirts with other girls and she gets jealous. This is making me think she is going to go back to him. I'm starting to doubt her feelings that she has for me. She'd call me everyday and tell me how sad she is feeling which is making me feel like crap b/c i have to comfort her even though she probably still has feelings for another guy! I really dont want to be so generous and just stay there for her this time even though i'm hurting. Should i just stay and comfort her and hope she forgets about the other guy or just leave her now?

[hitmansb]

How long have they been broken up???

[uniquemr2]

about a month.

[Starr]

It sounds to me as though she's using you as a shoulder to lean on, as a sounding board to vent about her boyfriend and as someone who is a constant in her life. I'm sure she cares about you, but from the sound of it, I don't believe she posses that "romantic love" that you have for her. Perhaps she's telling you that she "likes" you because she believes it's easier to say that and give you false hope instead of telling you the truth, that she loves you, but doesn't romantically love you and risk losing your friendship and constant support.

[Auriflex]

I think it's time to get out the chocolate revolver. Because I have a bad taste in my mouth, and I'm hungry.

[Shibby]

Well, I think it could be so much. She is holding on two what she thinks there is between her and the other guy. You may be someone she does like. Alot of girls tend to want to have a back up plan, espeacialy when a possible break up is going on. Not wanting to be alone is a powerful thing. If you really want to be with her and are willing to stick it out and wait for the right time. Then I would suggest be her friend and give her the support in makeing her decission. If they break up, then take her out, do stuff with her. But all without romantic actions. In time you will either become close friends and you will feel that is more importand or maybe she will see in you what you have been trying to show her. You can force anybody to feel anything. You can just make the best of a situation as long as it dosn't totaly bring you down and see what happens.

[JUICE]

brother all i can say is let her go man, if she cannot make up her mind she will never do it. She loves u she says but has a boyfriend. What if she breaks up with that guy and is with u, and she all of a sudden likes another guy and wants to leave u. Girls like that ain't worth it brother. THEIR THE TYPE THAT NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. They will always be like this, they are more like the confused type of person. Just remain friends with her bro, and u will find someone truley that will be there for u and will always love u man. It all takes time bro, but there is always the ONE for every person out there.

[Olmk1]

Damn man - she is tagging you along by a string....move on with your life........many fish in the sea.

Besides, you waiting for her / on her is making you be a selfish prick, as there is many other fine woman out there that is losing out on you , or worse, you losing out on.

WAKE UP BRO

[rude]

Originally posted by THE JUICE
brother all i can say is let her go man, if she cannot make up her mind she will never do it. She loves u she says but has a boyfriend. What if she breaks up with that guy and is with u, and she all of a sudden likes another guy and wants to leave u. Girls like that ain't worth it brother. THEIR THE TYPE THAT NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. They will always be like this, they are more like the confused type of person. Just remain friends with her bro, and u will find someone truley that will be there for u and will always love u man. It all takes time bro, but there is always the ONE for every person out there.

Agreed

[mrsgoodbody]

Originally posted by Olmk1
Damn man - she is tagging you along by a string....move on with your life........many fish in the sea.

Besides, you waiting for her / on her is making you be a selfish prick, as there is many other fine woman out there that is losing out on you , or worse, you losing out on.

WAKE UP BRO

Moi aussi - AGREED, that is!

She is TOTALLY playing you. Move on. Dump her and try to forget your feelings for her. She's never gonna reciprocate. She's keeping you on a string so she always has a guy to go out with, talk to, and make her feel wanted. I'm a woman, and I knew LOTS of women like this when I was younger. She'll never be your girlfriend and if she does go out with you, you shouldn't take your eyes off her for a second. She can't be trusted.

Sorry, but that's just the plain, hard truth.