I just don't understand women.

[Timma]

So it all started Sunday morning. My gf stayed the night. I woke up and went over to the couch where she was sitting and went to cuddle. I told her "i love you" and she said the same. Then she began to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she said "nothing". I tried to drag it out of her asking all kinds of questions. Then i had this sinking feeling and asked her "are you breaking up with me?" She started to cry so hard. I sat there in shock and silence for a long time. We finally talked and she ended it with i just dont want the relationship right now, but we can still cuddle and everything.

That make me totally mental like how the fuck would we not be in a relationship then?

So the day went on and i went to the gym and to my friend's house to cool off. She called me and said she made a mistake and wanted to stay together. We talked a while and everything was ok.

Well cut to today and everything was going great but i woke up with this feeling in my gut. She said come on over and you can let out the rest of your issues and you can do your laundry and stuff. Well after lunch she texts me saying maybe i should go to the laundromat and she will come over to my place after. I say why the change? And then it started.

We went back and forth on how she can't do it anymore. She doesn't want to work at things. She's going off to school in August and she doesn't want the pressure of being with me and going to school and ll this other crap.

She had told me before we started dating that she was always afraid of past relationships so she would bail. This time she will not admit she is bailing.

Im just at the lowest point of my life right now and don't know what to do.

[THE BOUNCER]

I almost said something in this thread to you. Went to Boston today.

When you said she is moving to Boston and you will go and visit I almost said, "long distance relationships never work." i didn't want to ruin the thread for you though so i didn't post it.

sorry to hear it bro but i think it is for the best. it would have ended when she moved away. she would have cheated, you would have cheated etc...

[Timma]

I know someone else said it too. We had already done a long distance relationship so we figured we could do it again. Thing is we aren't the cheating type of people, but i did have a feeling she would end up meeting someone there and dump me.

[THE BOUNCER]

she just isn't the one bro. you will find what you are looking for, just keep your head up and keep moving forward.

[Timma]

Originally Posted by THE BOUNCER

she just isn't the one bro. you will find what you are looking for, just keep your head up and keep moving forward.

Thanks man. She still wants to be good friends but i don't know if i could do it after what she did.

[THE BOUNCER]

Originally Posted by Timma

Thanks man. She still wants to be good friends but i don't know if i could do it after what she did.

just tell her you met someone at the gym and the friendship with her would mess up things between you and your new girl.

stick it to the bitch, let her feel some pain.

[FrankTheTank55]

Hey bro I know its hard but just take of yourself and everything will fall into place. It takes time to get over this shit, but you will. And maybe oneday you guys will give it another try. Just stay busy.

[Timma]

Originally Posted by FrankTheTank55

Hey bro I know its hard but just take of yourself and everything will fall into place. It takes time to get over this shit, but you will. And maybe oneday you guys will give it another try. Just stay busy.

Thanks man. It's just so hard not to think about it or keep busy. She wants to stay friends so that once she gets her shit together we can try things again.

[Timma]

Originally Posted by THE BOUNCER

just tell her you met someone at the gym and the friendship with her would mess up things between you and your new girl.

stick it to the bitch, let her feel some pain.

Haha i can't do that to her. I love her too much.

[The_Grinder]

I know how you feel. I had a 3 1/2 year relationship end last year and it felt right someone ripped my nuts off. The best thing to do is just get it over with as quick as possible. It will never be easy, for you or her, but its just a shitty part of life. That thread I made about mine is down this section somewhere.

[The_Grinder]

4 years/now its probably over

[FrankTheTank55]

Originally Posted by Timma

Thanks man. It's just so hard not to think about it or keep busy. She wants to stay friends so that once she gets her shit together we can try things again.

I know this isnt something you would want to do. But, if you meet someone else you would get over this alot faster. I always said "Nothing gets you over the last one, like the next one" even if you just have a female friend someone to do shit with. I think staying friends is hard, because it leaves so many things that could be mistaken for someone wanting to be more than friends again than the hurt comes back all over again. If that makes sense.

[THE BOUNCER]

Originally Posted by FrankTheTank55

I know this isnt something you would want to do. But, if you meet someone else you would get over this alot faster. I always said "Nothing gets you over the last one, like the next one" even if you just have a female friend someone to do shit with. I think staying friends is hard, because it leaves so many things that could be mistaken for someone wanting to be more than friends again than the hurt comes back all over again. If that makes sense.

agreed 100%.

[alwaysgrowing]

Originally Posted by THE BOUNCER

just tell her you met someone at the gym and the friendship with her would mess up things between you and your new girl.

stick it to the bitch, let her feel some pain.

I have to agree with bouncer. but this would work better if you hit it one more time, then when you are done, you tell her you met someone else, so you can't talk to her anymore.

[Shibby]

Originally Posted by Timma

Thanks man. She still wants to be good friends but i don't know if i could do it after what she did.

The only realistic way that could ever happen is to have enough time a part that you can rebuild it as a friendship. Otherwise you won't really talk to each other because you both aren't sure what is ok to talk about.

[The_Grinder]

Yeah the friends thing doesnt work at all. I saw my ex in a parking lot somewhere a few weeks ago and it was the most akward conversation I have ever had, by far!

[Timma]

Originally Posted by Shibby

The only realistic way that could ever happen is to have enough time a part that you can rebuild it as a friendship. Otherwise you won't really talk to each other because you both aren't sure what is ok to talk about.

And that's what we are going to do. I just had a really long talk with her and the reason for all of this is our relationship started to get too comfortable and it scared her. She said it's probably best to just go our separate ways for a bit and figure things out for ourselves and how we want our own lives.

She still wants to be with me and i still want to be with her. She just feels this will help us get back to the way we were and i do agree to a certain degree.

We will start talking again and hanging out and see what happens.

[fog_hat1981]

It's what you want it to be bro - you make it what it is - from the sounds of it this just happened so throwing in the towel would be insane if you really care for her enough to feel like your world is ending. Instead of feeling that way though remember that August is a long time away and you can work out a LOT of stuff in that time - at this point there is NOTHING to get over - there is nothing to move on from - at this point you should be trying to make sense of how you can work on doing the long distance thing again - don't forget that she has her own feelings and maybe she's just looking to you to prove yourself because her past relationships have all failed her - after all you've done it before AND she's also not admitting to bailing either so hang onto what you can but don't overwhelm her if you can help it - it's obvious she has been struggling with this before yesterday and isn't *okay* with trying to go through with it - giving up and bowing into despairs power now would be foolish...

Maybe you can't do it alone but if you're both on the same page and want the same things nothing should stand in your way - it's when you can't align your lives because of reasons outside of "distance" that you run into problems that can't necessarily be overcome by *love* - it sounds to me that this isn't the case for either one of you though so make of it what you will and do it with everything you've got if it's what you want....

If you run around listening to advice like "long distance" can't work then you'll never be with her in the same capacity as you would be if you stuck it out - "breaks" often times leave one or both of you broken to a point that you can't go back and if you go that route and it ends up failing you'll forever hate yourself for having made that choice - IMO it's better to tough it out and put forth the effort now instead of hoping to pick up the pieces later on after certain levels of damage have been done OR one/both of you have found someone else that ends up clouding your judgment......

I don't believe that long distance is easy by any stretch of the term though because it's nearly impossible to build a life together with each other IF you're starting from scratch but in your case you both have a solid foundation to build upon - you both have learned to communicate and work things out over the years or else you most likely wouldn't be together now so man up and convince her you are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the two of you can make it through this - that you aren't like the other men in her life that let her down in the past - chances are she is simply terrified of losing YOU when she leaves - she is likely attempting to end it now to save herself the heartache of losing you after she moves away and you move on and at this point she is probably just acting out of fear. Show her what she's worth to you and I'm positive you'll get much better results because if she's like most women who are truly in love she isn't worried about moving on to someone else or worried about her freedom when she is alone without you - she is more than likely scared of YOU and what you will do to her if you hurt her NOT her being worried about screwing things up herself.

And BTW - don't screw someone else to get over her - it NEVER works the way people think it does and chances are it could harm your efforts to ever be with her again - things like that can't be forgotten no matter how much people like to claim they can be - she'll never truly forgive you bro - that and it's WAY too soon in this situation to be thinking like that - maybe if it isn't working out in a few months but for now try preserving what you've already put so much effort into - the way your first few posts sound she's definitely someone you're willing to fight it out for so stick to those convictions and go with it....

And remember - it's only been two days - take it a day at a time - better yet - take it a breath at a time bro - all my best....

[Timma]

Fog thank you so much. Thats exactly what i needed to hear. I definitely do not want to lose her, nor does she want to lose me. When she first told me again I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Then after thinking about it and talking with her i want to do everything I can to keep her. I truly do love her for everything she is. God it's hard to hold back the tears.

Thanks for the advice Fog. I truly appreciate it.

[THE BOUNCER]

this thread is like an episode from the view. the estrogen is strong with this one.

[Timma]

Originally Posted by THE BOUNCER

this thread is like an episode from the view. the estrogen is strong with this one.

Just accept it.