Sexuality in relationships - SuperiorMuscle.com

Trojanmn2 · #1 10-08-03, 12:28 PM

It seems to be in my observation that both sexes on this forum both enjoy and love sex am I correct? But to the females, let me ask you this, is or was there a time when you were gaining experience in sex that you felt uncomfortable and disgusting? How did you deal and cope with the after effects so that you are the or have become the sexual people we all are now because I want to help my g/f with her dilemma with this. Men of course enjoy and love sex, the enjoy it so much that there usually is after thoughts or second thoughts or should i say "guilty thoughts"

See my dilemma is this, of course me and g/f are young, I'm 19 she's 18. Her last relationship which blew up and regrets now changed her into sexual creature she is now. Being inexperienced at the age of 16, she got involved with this bastard who loves the feeling of being in control, thus naming this his "game" Sex can make or break because of the emotional connection it makes. But alot of times people have become comfortable and more comfortable and its an normal thing. From what I've seen on the board, you all have spouses already, or at least girlfriends or boyfriends. Going back to the story, being inexperienced as she was, not a virgin, but inexperienced, she at one point became tired of the fact of having sex all the time, feelings like these are normal for her age and herself am I right? But this guy she was with was in the game way farther than she was, he was 20 when she was 16. It came to point where she wanted to stop that he didn't respect that fact and now she feels like she was raped at times. Her mind is still intact that it hasn't been mindphucked like his other victims. Now that we're together its been and up and down with the feelings of sex because we both want it mutual for each other. The love and trust and committment is all on the table. Problems seems to arise when she gets bothered with herself as she claims that. She blames these "problems" which all revolve around sex on herself. She feels dirty, slutty, disgusting, sometimes, even though we want each other mutually. The sex has been awesome like we've never had before even though we're still teenagers who have had partners that we just banged like rabbits all day long, but I've decided to hold until she's ready. There has been some oral but no penetration. I respect the fact of her being this way and I understand. I want to help of course but I can really care less about sex. Its not what we have built ourselves on in this relationship. There are no pointless quarrels and no drama, just person realization problems. It seems to be that she feels guilty of enjoying the feeling of sex ? Should a solution be that she needs more time or needs more sex to get used to it? This is where I'm stuck at. So if you females have any feedback at all, I'd appreciate it very much.

Trojanmn2 · #2 10-09-03, 02:18 PM

so.............24 views an NO reponse? lemme trim this post down then.

Starr · #3 10-09-03, 08:15 PM

What your girl went thru is a terrible, TERRIBLE thing to happen to a girl, any girl, at any age. And unfortunately, since she was at such a tender age when this occurred, she will carry the scars for quite a while. And honestly, she many not really "like" sex right now because of the sentiments that she harbors. She may appease your requests and it may appear that she's into it. But be sensitive and aware of her true non-verbal responses. You are both young, but you show maturity by your inquiry. Take your time with her, and above all, treat her with RESPECT, because that is what she lacked before.

Puddles · #4 10-10-03, 07:48 AM

Since she had such a traumatic experience it would be wise for her to seek counselling. You're doing the best you can by being understanding, loving and supportive. She needs to learn that sex isn't dirty and that it's normal to want and enjoy it. A female counsellor would be 100 times better for her than a guy too. Poor kid...she's lucky she's with you.

**redsquirrel** · #5 10-10-03, 09:36 AM

Good call Mrs. P...on the counseling. She will need to learn to be comfortable with her body, her sexuality, and the emotions attached to sex. Unfortunately, Trojan is subconciously seen as the enemy...therefore she is not going to share her feelings of uncertainty. She didn't do it before, so I doubt she would start now.

drgoodbody · #6 10-10-03, 09:36 AM

Uh, where I live a 20 YO guy having sex with a 16 YO is statutory rape, regardless of whether she consented or not. So yes, absolutely she was raped in the eyes of the law. Now as to her mental state, I agree with MrsP, she is going to need counseling to help her cope. And I am a firm believer that our early sexual experiences, good or bad, to a large degree effect our sexuality in later life, our hang-ups, our fetishes, our likes, our dislikes, etc... This is based on my observations, but over the years I have found the correlation to hold.

Bottomline, be understanding and get her some professional help.

DrG

Trojanmn2 · #7 10-12-03, 03:21 AM

Thanks for the opinions, maybe it was the wait for the REAL advice givers on here.....j/k
Seriously though, it has been hard since she is very hardheaded and would rather figure out the situation for herself. She wouldn't take advice but would listen and be open minded. She's a strong person, but what I have planned to do is be there for her.

Trojanmn2 · #8 10-12-03, 03:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by GearTripper
Raped = yes she was... no if ands or buts about it. is her mind "fucked" ... maybe just a little. you have a tough road ahead of you IMO. she's gonna need a lot of time to mentally grow and mature. and even then, she may not ever fully recover. i have a personal issue with the whole "RAPE" thing in general, so i can't give you any advice besides, go kill the fucker!

I could, but violence doesn't solve anything.

I mean spontaneous actions filled with emotions sometimes do.......but..........nah, I'll save my strength for the gym.

Puddles · #9 10-12-03, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Trojanmn2
Thanks for the opinions, maybe it was the wait for the REAL advice givers on here.....j/k
Seriously though, it has been hard since she is very hardheaded and would rather figure out the situation for herself. She wouldn't take advice but would listen and be open minded. She's a strong person, but what I have planned to do is be there for her.

There are also a lof of self-help and healing books out for this stuff. Maybe you could go (either alone or together) to a bookstore and spend a little time checking a few of them out over a cup of coffee and when you find one or two that seem to be good ones, bring them home for her. Some people are not willing to talk to anyone about this but they will read a book in the privacy of their own home. If you get her a book without her being with you, give it to her with a cute "I love you" card so she doesn't think youre pressuring her, but mearly wanting to help her feel better. Good luck.

Trojanmn2 · #10 10-23-03, 02:54 PM

Thats great I actually got more opinions on this subject. I wanted the ladies of this forum to give me alot of feedback in case they ran through the same scenario. I'm giving her time with the idea about sex. Ever since I finished the post, thats what I decided to do. We know that this relationship is not built on that, and time will make us grow strong in time. We haven't had sex because I want her to be comfortable first. I don't want her to talk about just to speed things up so we can hurry up and have sex. Screw that, I'm not going to play games with her and lure her into feeling guilty "she ain't giving it up" I'm not going to leave her or get back at her or turn to alternative ways to get me off besides my hand. I'm not upset, dissapointed or bothered in anyway with her feelings and this situation. I want to understand her feelings and I going to be beside her that this is a REAL relationship that this is a normal healthy loving relationship. Does anybody else agree? Or this there anything anybody can relate to or suggest things for me or her to do?

Puddles · #11 10-23-03, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Trojanmn2
Thats great I actually got more opinions on this subject. I wanted the ladies of this forum to give me alot of feedback in case they ran through the same scenario. I'm giving her time with the idea about sex. Ever since I finished the post, thats what I decided to do. We know that this relationship is not built on that, and time will make us grow strong in time. We haven't had sex because I want her to be comfortable first. I don't want her to talk about just to speed things up so we can hurry up and have sex. Screw that, I'm not going to play games with her and lure her into feeling guilty "she ain't giving it up" I'm not going to leave her or get back at her or turn to alternative ways to get me off besides my hand. I'm not upset, dissapointed or bothered in anyway with her feelings and this situation. I want to understand her feelings and I going to be beside her that this is a REAL relationship that this is a normal healthy loving relationship. Does anybody else agree? Or this there anything anybody can relate to or suggest things for me or her to do?

It sounds like you're doing things perfectly.