Can a married man be friends with a woman?

[crazymama]

I am unsure of this.

I am married and have always had male friends. None new since getting married. My husband, however, has recently made friends with a woman he is admittedly attracted to and she to him. They see each other at the gym and he and her have exchanged some cell phone calls. When I found out (in a very bad way, I will admit!), I went pretty fucking crazy. If he had told me about her more openly and had her call the house instead of sneaking around on his cell, I would have felt better.

This is complicated by the fact that I am very insecure and jealous. Am I just plain crazy?

I don't want to hear shit like "Run, don't walk." We have a very deep comitment to one another, children are involved, and besides, we have a great sex life, so nothing's really missing at home. He has admitted to overstepping the boundaries of married conduct, but I want to know if I'm nuts.

Thanks.

[trip]

No, you're not nuts, what he did was very mean and unkind, period exclamation point.

We all make mistakes, and recieve forgiveness, which is good, it is the repetition of hurtful acts that can make someone nuts, cause their is no excuse to hurting someone repetitively you are sharing a life with, period exclamation point.

Hope all works out.

[Auriflex]

You are not nuts. It is a genuine concern for you. After you talked to him about it (crazily or not), what was his response? Is he going to cease contact with her outside of the gym? You haven't mentioned the game plan from here on out.

[urso8up]

after you found out and all what was his reaction/ Does he still have contact with her outside of the gym?

[new231]

You should be concerned. I once met a married woman and she went out of her way to talk and go out with me. She had two children and she said she loved her husband very much. But she kept coming around to be with me and wanting to go out with me. I did and for a time being it messed up her married life. We messed around a little bit but it was not worth it on both or our parts. TELL HIM NOT TO TALK TO THIS GIRL OUTSIDE OF THE GYM OR ELSE!

[dreamgirl]

I find it a sexual turn on to hear about my husbands fantasies about women he knows during sex. We always talk to eachother about everything... maybe ask about her during and have him fantasize with you.

[Nekrawulf]

Too often platonic relationships outside a marriage becme a crutch for that partner to use when they feel inadequacies in their life. This happened to me in a very similar situation, both on my ex wifes part, and on my part. My eife at the time wasnt happy in our marriage, and didnt know how to properly communicate her feelings with me. This caused her to lean on male friends for support, and eventualy sexual things happened between them.

On another note, when i realized what was going on, I came to lean on a couple of female friends heavily, same game.... initially it was only for support, then feelings began to develop.

Unfortunately the moral degredation of society has cause people to forsake their vows for the temporary feeling of happiness associated with these frivolous relationships outside of the vows of marriage.

So in my book, no.... eventually that friend will become more of a friend. period. sure there are exceptions to every rule... but esp if there is a sexual attraction there.

[rude]

Originally posted by Nekrawulf
Too often platonic relationships outside a marriage becme a crutch for that partner to use when they feel inadequacies in their life. This happened to me in a very similar situation, both on my ex wifes part, and on my part. My eife at the time wasnt happy in our marriage, and didnt know how to properly communicate her feelings with me. This caused her to lean on male friends for support, and eventualy sexual things happened between them.

On another note, when i realized what was going on, I came to lean on a couple of female friends heavily, same game.... initially it was only for support, then feelings began to develop.

Unfortunately the moral degredation of society has cause people to forsake their vows for the temporary feeling of happiness associated with these frivolous relationships outside of the vows of marriage.

So in my book, no.... eventually that friend will become more of a friend. period. sure there are exceptions to every rule... but esp if there is a sexual attraction there.

summed up everything I was going to say but better

Crazymama, you have a reason to be worried so your not nuts at all. Try to talk to him soon, and good luck

[wrath_of_con]

If your husband is sexually attracted to her and she to him... BEWARE. There will be that time that he is pissed or unhappy or whatever and she says the right thing at the right time and touches him the right way... then its bang, bang, bang.

Bottom line, paraphrasing from the comedian Chris Rock... to a guy, female friends are just women we havent had sex with yet. Another Chris Rock quote... Guys are as faithful as their options. Sad, but often true.

Good luck.

[Tinfish]

Originally posted by wrath_of_con
Guys are as faithful as their options

Totally true. You need to lay down your feeling to him about this girl. He is not as strong as he thinks when he says that nothing will happen.

[wrath_of_con]

BUTTTTT... as I reread your post... you have guy friends... are u attracted to them? Why shouldnt he have a girl-friend, someone he can confide in, like you do perhaps?

I'm just sayin'.

[redsquirrel]

You are not nuts. AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW.

Something very similar happened to me about a year ago with my now husband. He had been talking to some gal he met on these boards over IM....no big deal, until one night at 2am I found him on the driveway outside talking to her on the cell!! Oh, and he was so sneaky about it. He said he knew I'd get mad if he told me he was going outside...she needed help w/ her IP addy. WTF ever. (She lived in Cali, we are in the MIdwest) WTF!??!? I WAS IRRATE!!
And of course, the first male defense mechanism is to act like women are overreacting, and like it's no big deal.
Well, he continued to talk with her and they talked more and more on the cell phone..I kept checking the cell bill, and found out.. They talked on IM all the time.
Then, all of a sudden my husband wasn't sure if he wanted to get married. We broke up for a day, but he continued to talk to her, but on a much more plutonic level...IT STILL INFURIATED ME EVERYTIME THEY WOULD TALK/ I didn't trust that trifflin whore...some of you may know her from the old BBX- good old wonderwoman. Sorry if this offends any of you who know her, but this is exactly how I fell about that homewrecking bitchEspecially when I was reading an IM history once, and saw a little cybersex going on....That was almost as bad as being cheated on. ..it sure felt like it. Especially when I saw a conversation while they were having it (he knew) and she said she was moving to our city! !!! !WTF!!!!
I had a hard time trusting him after that. There is still a little voice inside that tells me something more had to happen. But, logic tells me he was thinking with his dong, which is typical. It was completely an internet relationship. Virtual or not, I felt like she was right next door. She knew he was engaged, and that fucking gutter slut continued to pursue him. Of course, he didn't do his part to cut all ties either...most men love the attention, and they always think the grass is greener.

NIP IT IN THE BUD NOW!! Otherwise, you will drive your self crazy.

[Blackdream71]

NO! oh man don't even get me started on this topic because i'll flip the fuck out........

[Blackdream71]

Like everyone said you better nip this in the bud now or next thing you know him and her will be having a romp in some sleazy motel in another town, trust me on this.......

[Blackdream71]

Originally posted by Nekrawulf


Unfortunately the moral degredation of society has cause people to forsake their vows for the temporary feeling of happiness associated with these frivolous relationships outside of the vows of marriage.

So in my book, no.... eventually that friend will become more of a friend. period.

A fuckin MEN brother, A fuckin MEN!

[redsquirrel]

The most entertaining thing to me about something like this, is that men are such fucking idiots when it comes to covering their tracks. What's even funnier is when they get caught and calling us women psychos for checking up on them in the first place.

Do they not think that we can read histories on IM, or check their cell records online?? WTF? It's not even like we need to go out of our way to catch them!! Luckily, I haven't had to do that for over a year. But, don't think I don't keep my ducks in a row every once in awhile.

[Nekrawulf]

Originally posted by redsquirrel
The most entertaining thing to me about something like this, is that men are such fucking idiots when it comes to covering their tracks. What's even funnier is when they get caught and calling us women psychos for checking up on them in the first place.

Do they not think that we can read histories on IM, or check their cell records online?? WTF? It's not even like we need to go out of our way to catch them!! Luckily, I haven't had to do that for over a year. But, don't think I don't keep my ducks in a row every once in awhile.

Please dont turn this into a male bashing thread.... Im sure just as many men have been hurt in this manner as women.


Stupidity and likewise, infidelity, transcends gender.

[redsquirrel]

This comment was in no way directed as a male bashing comment. I was saying that some men can act like women are "going behind their back and checking up on them". When in all actuality all it can take is a couple clicks of the mouse. They can turn it around on women like "How dare you question me?"

In the same token, women can be as dumb as well. Men can make it quite simple to check them out. Whereas women can be a bit devious and more sneaky and calculated in hiding their tracks. When women cheat, they seem to put more though into it, more logic...like what their answer or defense will be in a situation. Some women don't make it so easy to get caught is all I was saying.

[Nekrawulf]

=-p its ok red.. i sense a great deal of independence from you... =-]

[Puddles]

Originally posted by crazymama
If he had told me about her more openly and had her call the house instead of sneaking around on his cell, I would have felt better.

Bingo! If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't be sneaking his conversations with her. He obviously knew that his feelings weren't completely platonic so he hid what he was doing from you. I think it's fine for married people to have friends of the opposite sex as long as they include their partner in what's really going on. Common sense needs to be used because if incorrect feelings start to develop, the friendship needs to be cut because the marriage comes first. Also, if one of the partners is of the jealous type, the other partner needs to keep that in mind and not do stuff to put their partner in an uncomfortable situation.

[IntensityX]

You need to nip this thing in the bud before it becomes a problem which will esculate into somethine much worse(divorce and other shit)you need to talk to him about this and tell him how you feel about it and work this out.

Lack of communication is a very bad thing in a marriage,it can lead to nothing but problems down the road.

[Blackdream71]

Originally posted by IntensityX
You need to nip this thing in the bud before it becomes a problem which will esculate into somethine much worse

I already said this you turdburglar.... :p

[Trojanmn2]

You know, I wonder sometimes in situations like this, it was reversed. If it was a relationship in marriage or normal courting. Lets say the guy was doing the checking up and how will that make us look like? Will it show traits of trustworthiness? Is the situation different in gender? I believe in being straight forward with everything regardless of sex. But how people say that when other people claim that when a guy starts sneaking around and checking up on his girl is wrong, and females will go say that they hate when their man doesn't trust them. Is crossing that boundary of nothing to worry about break when she gives him a reason to cross it? I don't mean this situation is for guys only, but the same goes for the opposite as well.

But I agree with everybody else, shoot this thing down now, as fast as possible.

And my final question is? How could a person, male or female, come across in a positive, humble, and patient manner, to ask their partner/significant other whats going on when it starts involving someone else in the picture? Playing the blame game is where it starts and I solely believe in coming across in non-accusing manner.

[redsquirrel]

Originally posted by Nekrawulf
=-p its ok red.. i sense a great deal of independence from you... =-]

How did you guess? I thought I always come off so meek and timid....HA HA HA!!!! It coudn't be that I'm the bread winner of the family, could it? LOL!!