Can a married man be friends with a woman?

[Blackdream71]

Originally posted by IntensityX
Like I pay attention to anything you say :p

[crazymama]

Originally posted by Auriflex
After you talked to him about it (crazily or not), what was his response? Is he going to cease contact with her outside of the gym? You haven't mentioned the game plan from here on out.

Originally posted by urso8up
after you found out and all what was his reaction/ Does he still have contact with her outside of the gym?

When I first talked to him about this on Sunday, he didn't deny it. He did tell me that yes, they've been speaking by cell phone but didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me. He appologized and said he wouldn't talk to her via cell phone anymore. He would only see her at the gym.

On Monday, he told me that he'd come to the awful realization of what he had done and nearly done to me. He realized that any non-professional contact between a married man and woman is probably not OK. That sneaking around just made it worse. He figured all this shit out on his own. OK, after I went ballistic, but nonetheless, on his own.

Anyway, he told the gym chick on Monday not to call anymore because it was just too wierd and inappropriate and she agreed.

We are seeking a marriage counselor, so that we can prevent this kind of thing from happening again and so that we can move on!

Originally posted by dreamgirl
I find it a sexual turn on to hear about my husbands fantasies about women he knows during sex. We always talk to eachother about everything... maybe ask about her during and have him fantasize with you.

Dreamgirl - did you miss the "I'm insanely jealous" part of my story??? Sorry, I just can't relate to that comment, but hey, to each her own...

Originally posted by wrath_of_con
BUTTTTT... as I reread your post... you have guy friends... are u attracted to them? Why shouldnt he have a girl-friend, someone he can confide in, like you do perhaps?

I'm just sayin'.

Originally posted by MrsPuddlesFL
I think it's fine for married people to have friends of the opposite sex as long as they include their partner in what's really going on. Common sense needs to be used because if incorrect feelings start to develop, the friendship needs to be cut because the marriage comes first. Also, if one of the partners is of the jealous type, the other partner needs to keep that in mind and not do stuff to put their partner in an uncomfortable situation.

As for this, wrath, I do have male friends. Difference here is that I've had them since I was, like, 12, so they've been friends forever. Also, no attraction or secrets about them.

I do want my husband to have friends, male and/or female. I have no problem with that - JUST KEEP ME IN THE LOOP because I'm the extremely jealous type. btw - he knows this. And he knows that our mariage comes first. Even skipped the gym to come home to be with me last night.

Originally posted by IntensityX
Lack of communication is a very bad thing in a marriage,it can lead to nothing but problems down the road.

We always talk and that's what will ultimately save our marriage. We are best friends. He is a wonderful husband and father. He did some bad things and he knows this. I still am madly in love with him.

Originally posted by redsquirrel
It is very difficult for anybody not to get offended when being asked about something like this...guilty or not...And no matter how delicately it may be put...it's the nature of the beast, I guess.

Your're right, and this is what prompted my post. I felt like a bitch. OK, I am, but I felt completely awful for spying on the man I love and trust. The guilt over having done this will stick with me for a while...

Bottom line:

NO MAS. I've heard enough, and despite all of the above, it's nothing we didn't already know or do or think about. It's nice (?), comforting to know this has happened to other people and they overcame the situation. I know my husband and I will work this out together. We love each other too much.

Everyone, move on. We will. And thank you.

CrazyMama

[trip]

Him having said those things to you is fantastic.

If this is abnormal for him, we all have our moments.

Glad to hear good news.

Good Luck

[Starr]

Way to go girl, some things are truly worth working at and salvaging.

[SMACKAVELI]

Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

[Blackdream71]

Originally posted by SMACKAVELI
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

LOL, that about sums it up...

[Auriflex]

I'm happy that you have found a direction for yourself.

[tantra74]

I persoanlly feel he should have told you on his own, not let you "find out". That makes things look bad. Calling his cell phone not a good thing. You should meet her and she should call the house. And what is she calling for anyway? If you'r left out he's an ass and deserves whatever you give him.

[joshmel1]

"Only as faithful as their options!" as Chris Rock would say is very true for alot of people, Male and Female. However it is not true for all. It all comes down to respect, if I have to hide something from my wife, I obviously shouldn't be doing it. That is the way I look at it.

NO SECRETS, otherwise what is the point of being married???

Josh

[BiggerStronger]

Hmm....you're pretty assertive with the whole "insanely jealous" thing. It sounds like your husbands a pretty good guy from what you say, but have you ever thought that he was really telling you the truth about not wanting to upset you...you said that he knows that you're a jealous type and maybe he really just liked her as a friend...an attractive friend...just a thought, but if I were in your shoes I would be very suspicious as well.

Also make sure that he isn't just saying these things to play the good guy and continue to see her.

Red - I've seen quite a few women that were obviously doing something that they weren't supposed to be doing. We live in a society that makes this kind of behavior easier for women to get away with...you even said that women hide things better...guys are made into the pyscho, controlling type if they get a feeling that they aren't telling the truth and check up on them...it seems that in these situation guys are usually made out to be the bad guy.

[parsnip1965]

Wait a minute...it depends on your husband and it depends on the girl. About half of my friends are women. Naturally, I'm attracted to just about all of them. (And, as someone said in a movie, men want to bang the ugly ones too.) That is very different from saying I would have sex with them since I am married and took a vow not to.

By the way, wy wife and I do incorporate some of our fantasies about people we know into our sex life.

just my 2 cents - parsnip1965

[parsnip1965]

>Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.

Thanks, that is the movie I was thinking of.

[soprano9mm]

I hate this subject.....never a 100% right answer

[Stonecold54]

sure you can be friend with a woman, you just can't tell your wife!!! Man if my wife ever found out how well my hooters waitress knew me she would have my balls cut off. LOL

[bad14u]

Originally posted by stonecold54
Man if my wife ever found out how well my hooters waitress knew me she would have my balls cut off. LOL

Gotta love the Hooter Girls!!!

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by bad14u
Gotta love the Hooter Girls!!!

I will have to get a picture of her and some of the other ones some day with a disposable camera. she doesn't have huge boobs but she has such a nice body and pretty face. and an ASS that would make the pope kick out a stain-glass window!!!!

[bad14u]

Originally posted by stonecold54
and an ASS that would make the pope kick out a stain-glass window!!!!

I've got to see this chick now!!!

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by bad14u
I've got to see this chick now!!!

okay that will be my mission in the next few weeks. *note to self* get pictures of really hot chicks *end note*

[Puddles]

Shame on you boys!

Seriously though, if you have to hide going to Hooters from your wife you need to open up the lines of communication and do it now while you're still newly married. It's a normal guy thing to want to look at every nice pair of boobs and every hot ass they can, if you weren't doing it then there would be reason for concern! Not allowing a guy to look or making him feel guilty about it just goes against human nature. Just because guys are looking does not mean they're gonna do any more than that though, besides, most of the time they'd get turned down even if they try. We all have our fantasies, guys dream of plowing every hottie they see and women dream of a perfect husband, usually neither dream comes true, but we can still be happy.


Back on to the subject of this thread...Can a married man be friends with a woman? Yes. Will he want to screw her? Yes. Will he do it? Most of the time no. Even innocent flirting is fine if both parties know the boundries. It's one of those fun little perks in life. The men and women who have issues with their partners having friends of the opposite sex are usually like that due to low self esteem. People need to have more faith in the strength of their relationships and more trust in their partners. A lack of trust will tear a relationship down over time.

[lordikon]

Originally posted by redsquirrel
The most entertaining thing to me about something like this, is that men are such fucking idiots when it comes to covering their tracks. What's even funnier is when they get caught and calling us women psychos for checking up on them in the first place.

Do they not think that we can read histories on IM, or check their cell records online?? WTF? It's not even like we need to go out of our way to catch them!! Luckily, I haven't had to do that for over a year. But, don't think I don't keep my ducks in a row every once in awhile.

But isn't it sad when people have to go to those lengths to catch others? I agree what he did was wrong, and you shouldn't flat out trust him again, he'll have to earn it. I've done some bad things in my past that I would do anything to take back, and am now in a situation where my gf checks up on lots of things I do. It irritates the shit out of me, and at the same time I feel that I deserve it a little bit. But let me tell you, if she'd cheated on me, and I chose to forgive her, noone is worth the effort of me constantly having to check-up/spy on them everyday. Then she'll tell me she trusts me, but she can only go as far as to say that because she's checked up on me and it seems like I've been good.

My point is, what's the point in having a relationship that you can only stand because you've checked up on what your spouse has done every minute of the day? Then you spend half your time stressing/worrying about what they could be up to, and your only relief comes when your "checking up" has gone ok....for that day.

Is it worth it?

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by Puddles
Shame on you boys!

Seriously though, if you have to hide going to Hooters from your wife you need to open up the lines of communication and do it now while you're still newly married. It's a normal guy thing to want to look at every nice pair of boobs and every hot ass they can, if you weren't doing it then there would be reason for concern! Not allowing a guy to look or making him feel guilty about it just goes against human nature. Just because guys are looking does not mean they're gonna do any more than that though, besides, most of the time they'd get turned down even if they try. We all have our fantasies, guys dream of plowing every hottie they see and women dream of a perfect husband, usually neither dream comes true, but we can still be happy.

well we actually go a lot together to hooters but we have never been there when MY waitress is there. LOL It would be a shock to her if devon ran up to me and gave me a hug. my girl would probably knock her out. LOL-of course if they wrestly their clothes might come off. Hmmmmm.

On subject I think I can be friends with anyone else and my wife can be friends with anyone she wants to. I don't check up on her and she doesn't on me. but I can tell you this, if I ever found out she cheated I am almost 99% sure that it would be a divorce and I have told her this. I did bad things when I dated but marriage is a different ball of wax. I take that very serioulsy.

[Puddles]

Stone, from now on you are required to bring your camera to Hooters when you go with the wife! I love wrestling pics.