Top 10: Things You Never Want Her To Say

[urso8up]

Number 10

I've been thinking...
If she actually tells you she's been thinking, it's serious. And you can bet it involves marriage or cohabitation, or the bitter end. This species of woman-whaler takes on many forms, such as: "Why do you love me?" and "Have you ever thought about the future?" Again, have a brilliant exit plan at hand; a severed finger, for instance.

Number 9

Be a man.
Nothing is quite as injurious as having your very manhood questioned. You could give into her shame tactics and do what she wants, or deflect it back by saying, "How about you be a woman and quit nagging?"

Number 8

My parents want to meet you.
This means two things:

1- The relationship has crossed an important milestone of seriousness.
2- You're about to be psychologically cavity-searched under the family microscope.

All you can do is hope her father doesn't mention that he has some rusty wire cutters he wants to put to use.

Number 7

I have a headache.
That means no action for you tonight, buddy. But you can beat her to it. If you sense she's particularly tired when you're horny, give her an unsolicited aspirin. If she says, "But I don't have a headache," give her a grin and do your thing.

Number 6

That's not the way my ex did it.
You never talk about your ex in front of her. So you obviously weren't prepared for this. Now you're being measured against the man she dumped. Ouch. Defend yourself, quickly.

Number 5

What are you thinking about?
Women are curious. They need to know your every thought, feeling, hunch, and inkling. Men, on the other hand, don't like to discuss and explore everything; we're content to keep quiet.

Number 4

Do you find her pretty?
She already caught you looking at that mind-blowing blonde that walked by, no matter how covert your glance. So if you say "no," she'll know you're lying and an argument will ensue. This is the time for very artful tact, such as, "Kind of, her ass is huge." Now pray.

Number 3

Do you notice anything different about me?
You know you're in trouble if you don't. And the longer you take to answer, the more frustrated she'll become, which makes you more frantic. And when you finally bellow, "Oh, you got a new haircut!" she storms out, throwing her new earrings on the floor.

Number 2

My friend is pregnant/engaged.
This seems harmless enough, until you catch that thinly veiled hint of disappointment in her voice. At this point, you know she really means, "When will we be engaged/pregnant?" Be prepared with an expert diversion at this point, such as faking a seizure.

Unfortunately, nothing will help you when she comes at you with the even more chilling, "I'm pregnant." Good luck, buddy.

Number 1

We need to talk.
What everyone should know about these words is that no good news ever follows. These four ominous words signal a problem with the relationship. Expect a breakup, or at the very least a long talk about how you're not meeting her needs. Either way, it's not pleasant. And there is little you can do to avoid it.

And though this one is a real bruiser, nothing is quite as caustic, as savage, as utterly cataclysmic as, "Do you think I'm fat?" You're on your own.

[believer]

How about: "Is it in?" I get that all the time.

[Trojanmn2]

Originally posted by believer
How about: "Is it in?" I get that all the time.

ouch......I never had that one...........oof.. That would shatter my confidence in a quickie, my g/f knows when I'm in, all the time
Damn I love when she pulls me in her...GODDAMN i'm hard

[Gilster]

Those who are married and have an EVIL WITCH for a mother in law will understand...My mother in law owns her own caldron, the bitch.

10...I was speaking to my mother the other day

9....My mother wants to see the kids this weekend

8....My mother called your mom today and...

7....Did you have words with my mother?

6....My mother invited us over for dinner.

5....We have to pick up the kids at my mothers house.

4....My mom needs you to help her out with something.

3....My mom heard.....

2....My mom is coming over

And number 1 without a doubt and one of the scariest things I ever heard in my entire life...

1....Can we invite my mom to come with us on vacation?

My answer was this.

"As long as you want a divorce, I am dead, or she is dead. Otherwise, NEVER ask me this FUCKING question again, or I will leave you where you stand."

I try to be civil to this woman, because she is my kids grandmother and my wife's mother so it is better to keep peace. But I have my limits and my wife knows it.

[urso8up]

[Stonecold54]

on a related topic of being caught in the act. me and my fiancee were at hooters the other night and she looks over my shoulder and says, "That girls got a nice booty". and wihtout out thinking I whip my head around to see who she is looking at and then when I turn back around she says, "Caught you!!!!" I said that wasn't very nice. LOL

[urso8up]

Originally posted by stonecold54
on a related topic of being caught in the act. me and my fiancee were at hooters the other night and she looks over my shoulder and says, "That girls got a nice booty". and wihtout out thinking I whip my head around to see who she is looking at and then when I turn back around she says, "Caught you!!!!" I said that wasn't very nice. LOL

Not nice but

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by urso8up
Not nice but

yeah I had a tough time explaining that because my head whipped around so fast. and also the girl did have a NICE ass.

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by fitness-girl
Thats not fair, she set you up! What were you supposed to do just say "oh, ok?" No you were supposed to look and give feedback like "yeah she's not bad" or "Nahh nothing great"

its all cool, she knows I just take it out on her if I see a hot girl, so she gets the good loving when I get turned on by other woman. she was mostly joking around too because she knows I am a horndog with so much test in my body.

[LOCO]

ok number 8 (with the cutters) is not funny at all... rather scary.. especially when u had 'a little bit' to drink...
well it wasn't her dad but her uncle... except he came upto me with those big castration cutters (for bulls)... my heart stopped for a sec...