How to motivate my girlfriend....???

[Bruce Banner]

OK.... When I first started going out with my GF, her body was great.... She was no model, but I loved the way her body looked. Over time, she has put on weight (which is bound to happen, I understand....) but it seems like the weight just keeps going on.... I try to get her to go to the gym with me, and every once in a while she shows some interest and comes..... Thats usually only like 4 or 5 times a month tho.... I try to get her to eat better as well, but her will power SUCKS! She gives in so easily to junk food and other crap........
How can I motivate her, and make the changes easier for her to deal with???

[sana]

is she happy with the way she looks? or does she complain about not being happy with her body?

if she's happy with the way she looks now, i think you can only continue to be supportive and offer her suggestions. if you MAKE her do anything she will resent you. it has to be HER decision to change if it's going to be a lasting lifestyle change.

if she complains about not being happy with her physique, then push her to eat cleaner and work out more consistently. but in the end, either way - it has to be her that's made the decision to do something about it.

[redsquirrel]

Well put, sana!! Unless she wants to do it for herself, you're wasting your time, unfortunately.

The only person who will motivate her is herself. If she is satisfied with the way she looks, and you are pushing her to go to the gym, she will not be consistent. It sounds like to me she goes a few times a month to make you happy...not herself.

She's gotta want to do it. She's the one that needs to feel like a fat ass when she can't fit in to those size 4's anymore. It's a lifestyle...If she doesn't have the lifestyle, or never has it will take patience on your part, as well as your support and assistance.

[Bruce Banner]

I've asked myself the same question..... and I am ok with the way she looks, but I would be happier if she would lose a bit of weight.....

And to answer the questions above... She does complain about her weight.... but not as much since I told her to quit complaining and do something about it..... She has dieted before and lost a bit of weight, but then she doesn' t go back to normal eating gradual.... she just gives up, and eats crap again.... Maybe she is just happier eating what she wants, and constantly gaining weight..... but when I put in so much hard work to look good, it frustrates me when she will barley try at all......

I guess this lifestyle isn't for everyone... and I might have to just except that.....


Thanks for the comments and advice ladies! It's always appreciated!

[trip]

Bruce,

Lot's of folks similar to you girl lose weight and then go back, the classic yo yo. Often times it is the old eating habit of sugar/carbohydrates that cause massive insulin in the blood stream which leads back to the vicous circle of those insatiable cravings that are in most circumstances uncontrolble. Which leads the person feeling defeated after all the hard work, cause in a way they feel somewhat out of control. And until they are really really out of control, ( ie, massive amounts of pain ) do they put down the hammer and go to the opposite extreme of eating.

Good books that describe this stuff is:

Carbohydrate Addicts Diet
( think, not sure, first two words correct )

Potatoes Not Prozac
Similar book more current, little bit more on the specifics of meal plans etc.

In essence what these books say is that it is not an issue of willpower it is chemical/craving related.

Read the carbo book several years ago, and it was like, that's me to a T. Since understanding it 100% easier to control it by being more aware of insulin levels, and for most intents and purposes been eating clean for over 20 years, it was just that every now and then get out of whack with the insulin, eat like horse for 3-4 days and then force myself to work out harder eat cleaner etc.

Don't know if this is your girl, yet it's something to look into.

Good Luck

[speedracer59]

I have the same problem . My girl was in great shap 5 years ago. She eats like crap and has no will power. She goes to the gym and does alot of cardio but she eats diet junk food ( snack wells, lean cuasine, fat free this and that). I try to help her but she over does everything. I told her if she craves somthing sweet try a little natty pb, she will put away a jar in about two days. Her version of a protien bar is those atkins pb cup. She asks me to help her but gets pissed when I tell her she is screwing up. Sorry just venting a little

[Puddles]

Get your girlfriends online here! If they hear it coming from other women they will be more inclined to believe them.

[Bruce Banner]

Originally posted by speedracer59
She asks me to help her but gets pissed when I tell her she is screwing up. Sorry just venting a little

EXACTLY!!!

[speedracer59]

Originally posted by MrsPuddlesFL
Get your girlfriends online here! If they hear it coming from other women they will be more inclined to believe them.

Mrs. P, Ive tried. Thing is I know she can do it, she lost alot before. She buys into all these fad diets and it really screws her up.

[inkman]

Wow I have the opposite problem. My GF was very overwieght 150lbs 5 tall size 13+ when we first met then over the 3 years she has lost 7 dress sizes but only 20lbs ? The problem with her is the cravings keep doing her in when she is trying to lose those last few lbs or 5 % bf. She goes really well for awhile and then bam loses that self control. Old habits die hard and once a person has been obese they can return that way pretty easy. The last 2 years or so I have been standing by watching her with her day to day battle with food and trying to be as supportive as possible. I can tell you right now that being a BB for 25 years and seeing someone you love go thru that is not easy and can cause some tension in the relationship cause you are absolutly powerless to help them.

I always try to remind her to remember how far she has come not how far she has left to go to where she is happy with her body.

The ladies are right bro. The motivation has to come from inside her no one else can get her to do it. You have to figure out if you want to accept her for who she is and not how she looks. That is a hard thing to do in a society that is based on appearance thanks to the media, porns and other perfect bodies that we are constantly being bombarded with. Just remember my brother when everyone turns 70 no one is going to escape the winkles and the sagging and the leather skin. Peace Inkman

[Puddles]

Originally posted by speedracer59
Mrs. P, Ive tried. Thing is I know she can do it, she lost alot before. She buys into all these fad diets and it really screws her up.

If she's doing all the fad diets then she is motivated, just misinformed. I've been there myself. I probably tried nearly every diet under the sun as I always struggled with my weight since I was a young girl. Every time I went on a new diet I'd loose weight only to regain it plus more it in time. This became harder as I got older, especially after I had a child and gained 60 lbs when I was pregnant with her.

The last "diet" I was on was the Atkins diet...I developed diverticulitis and wound up in the hospital and I still suffer from it from time to time and have to be careful in what I eat just to help prevent attacks (no protein bars or shakes at all which sucks). It wasn't until about 2 yrs. ago that my husband brought home this meal plan from one of the trainers at the gym and I tried it and it worked. It was just clean eating, plain and simple. After I lost a decent amount of weight I started training with him at the gym and joined up on the fitness boards and learned tons. Understanding WHY foods do what they do to your body and how to manipulate them to your advantage is the only way a person can successfully overcome the yo-yo dieting.

If she's not willing to listen to you, then there's nothing more you can do except occasionally suggest your way when her's isn't working. When she gets fed up with the results of the other diets she may actually listen to you...or she may just give up. It's a real commitment living this lifestyle and it's not for everyone.

[Bruce Banner]

Can't I just force her to eat and train the way I want her to........???????






J/K people.........

[Puddles]

Originally posted by Bruce Banner
Can't I just force her to eat and train the way I want her to........???????

I'll lend ya my whip.

[Bruce Banner]

Originally posted by MrsPuddlesFL
I'll lend ya my whip.

And your handcuffs??? i think those will really make a statement..... lol

[Puddles]

I'll let you borrow anything you want. How about some vibrating nipple clamps?

Seriously though...you cold get her a little more active in the bedroom to help her burn a few more cal's. When I feel like I'm gaining weight I like sex as an alternative to typical cardio...a few weeks of intense sex always seems to boost my metabolism.

[Bruce Banner]

Originally posted by MrsPuddlesFL
I'll let you borrow anything you want. How about some vibrating nipple clamps?

Seriously though...you cold get her a little more active in the bedroom to help her burn a few more cal's. When I feel like I'm gaining weight I like sex as an alternative to typical cardio...a few weeks of intense sex always seems to boost my metabolism.

LOL.

I love your suggestion..... But thats opening a whole new can of worms...... I have been trying to get her more active in the bedroom forever!! It's great when we have it, but we don't have it all that often..........

Then again...... maybe it just isn't often enough for a guy who's full of Test............

[Puddles]

Maybe she could join you in a cycle. I know I'm always super motivated to get into the gym and train when I'm on cycle. My diet is especially good when I'm on cycle too. And of course training in the bedroom picks up speed and frequency.

[Bruce Banner]

I've thought about that Mrs. P. What would you suggest for a first cycle for a female??

[Puddles]

Research!

The only experience I have so far is prop. I like it for the results it gives me and haven't had much of a problem with sides. When my voice started to change I stopped my cycle and within a couple of days it was back to normal. I'm strongly considering var but I'm undecided because as with all orals, no drinking at all and with the holidays coming up, that would be quite difficult for me. Grrrrrrrr.

In reality, your girl should be training hard and regularly for quite a while before starting a cycle. Her eating should be in order already too. I just know for me, knowing that I'm on gives me the extra incentive to really push myself and I enjoy the sexual sides a lot.

[Bruce Banner]

I don't know whether I would put her on test or not... it has a high number of sides for women.....

Research would definitely be in order for her, before including any as in her training.....

Thanks again for your input Mrs. P.

[speedracer59]

Without proper diet and excercise gear is useless. I have noticed most people who use gear to "get started" rely on it too much and dont gain,a crutch so to speak. People who have everything else straight before going on a cycle seem to get more motivated and train harder and eat cleaner. Im a firm believer in getting diet and workout regimen in order before trying gear or most supps. JMHO

BTW not trying to rip on you Mrs. P because you obviously have you ducks in a row and it shows.

[rvgfrth4g]

You can try what i do. Everytime she eats something bad tell her she's getting fat. LOL j/k Don't really do that cause it backfires. And then everytime she passes a mirror she'll ask you, "So you think i'm fat huh?" Then you'll hear that like 50 times a day. Sorry, i had to vent! lol

[Puddles]

BR, if you did that to AP then you DESERVE to hear it from her at least 50 times a day!

[rvgfrth4g]

LOL yeah yeah i know...

[onswole]

I just split with my girl because of a total lack of motivation. It started with the gym and then bled over into just about every other part of her life, including me. They quit the gym and then start to gain weight and become unhappy with the way they look, and then its all down hill from there. I wish there was something I could say to help you out but I just dont know, you cant make someone do something if they just wont.