my little sister - my mom is taking her to the DR!

[dreamgirl]

Hi all, I know I asked a while ago about if my sister had an eating disorder. I'm so worried, I still think she really does. She's down to 113 now. (5'3) She is still constantly losing weight, not alot at one time, but consistantly loosing. She is still hardly eating anything and eating so wierd. I told my mom to write a list down of everything that she REFUSES to eat. I just hope the Dr. doesn't dismiss this.

OH, my mom also told me that my sister told her that she is so afraid of getting fat and then she used ME as an example. Me fat? Just that comment alone tells me that something is definately wrong in her head.

My weight hardly ever fluctuates. After baby #1 I got back down to my reg. weight. It's crazy, I'm kind of mad she used me as an example...can you tell?

[lxorl]

113 seems fairly normal for 5'3. my fiance is 5'4 about 117.

Although if you are saying she is obsessed with her weight, then maybe there is some sort of a problem... probably steming from her confidence levels. Did she used to be really overweight?

can you get her into fitness?

sorry to answer in the female section.

[dreamgirl]

it's ok Ixorl. no she was never fat, she was actually kind of muscluar and probably weighed about 122. She was never fat. I know you probably missed hte original thread a couple of months ago about my worries, I';ll go over them quickly. She does about 1-2 hours of cardio everyday - she never misses. She eats I would guess about 700-1000 calories a day maybe? and what I see her eat is so little, I don't know how she isn't getting light headed. SOmetimes I have seen her eat a plateful of broccoli because my parents weren't serving chicken. My mom is a very low cal/low fat cooker too, she has always fed us very healthy, always, so any meal is very good for you. She drinks decaf coffee every minute of the day to curb her appetite. I can't stress enough how little she eats at a meal. if I see her eat a chicken breast, she won't finish but 1/2 of it. She's really starving herself. I can't watch her eat anymore, it upsets me to witness her doing this to herself. My mom has begun weighing her on a daily basis and she will out and out lie about her weight if we ask her. She told me right in front of my mom yesterday that she weighs 118 and my mom was like "you are 113, we weighted you the other day" she tries to mask the problem.

She also is alwyas telling me how much Dairy Queen she eats and every conversation is about her eating... that was my red flag months ago. Like she is trying to fool everyone.

Hope this helps anyone who forgot about her story.

[lxorl]

Well im not sure what to tell you... I dont know how effective your mom weighing her daily is. IF anything it will make her disguise the problem more and more... If there is a problem, the only realy way to make it better is to make her want to change it. you cant force her. I assume you have already expressed your worries to her. does she have any stomach problems, or complain of stomach pains.

my brother has some sort of eating problems... He always complains at meal times that he is having pains, its obviously just for attention, because he only does it when we are at a table with a group of people. He has become disgustingly skinny, he has always been thin, but he just looks gross now. he gets all sorts of stomach acid pills and such perscribed to him, but nothing really works.... Maybe it is just her way of seeking attention, although from what you have described she is not making any gestures so much looking for attention.

Has she seen a doctor lately?

[dreamgirl]

my mom is taking her to the dr. this week. I've tried talking to her and I made my mom ask her what her goal is, her reply was she was trying to not gain weight... but what she is doing is trying to loose weight.

I hope the dr. can see this and recommend someone for her. My mom is going with her, so she can't lie about anything. We've all tried talking to her but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I'll keep everyone updated on what the dr. says or a treatment.. whatever happens.

[lxorl]

does she have any reasons for low self esteme ?

[dreamgirl]

my mom thinks it's because I am her big sister and she is always living in my shadow kind of thing. I'm kind of a goodie-goodie, always doing the right thing. whether or not that is true, who knows?

to me, she's always had low self esteem, just her personality

her fiance is... yep you guessed it a male shovanist who thinks and acts like one, it kills me! she has dated guys who treat her like total crap and she takes it and never stands up for herself.

[lxorl]

How old is your sis... she is engages... i was getting the impression she was like 15-17. I assume her fiance doesnt see any problems?

Maybe convince her that she is starting to look grosss, because she is too thin? but i doubt that would work... I still dont think 113 is too small for 5'3... but the way you described her attitude towards everything is what sounds bad.

[dreamgirl]

she is 24. i don't know if her fiance thinks anything of it... he's never said anyhting at all about it.

we both have gymnastics backgrounds and we have more muscle than reg girls... like when I weigh 125 i still wear a size 4, in college I cut and got down to 109 and I was in a 0. So for her to be at 113 she is probably in a 0 also. at 122 she is in a 2. maybe that helps.

I think most girls who look like her who aren't as fit weigh in around 95-100... she's getting to the edge where she isn't at a grosse stage but she is close.

I jsut want her to be better. she made the comment to my mom this weekend that she doesn't want to be fat like me (DG). im not fat, ive never even been called fat.

[lxorl]

yeah i have seen your pics, your far from fat.... well maybe a little chubby because your pregnant, but that doesnt count.

Sorry your having the problems... maybe the doctor will be of some help.

[dreamgirl]

thank you, I really hope so. I don't want to see her any less than she is now. She is really scaring me! I hope they can help her. -DG

[urso8up]

Dreamgirl ...Any new news on your sister?

[dreamgirl]

nope not yet... my mom DIDN'T take her last week, I don't know why she didn't, so far nothing has changed

[janie3]

Hi Dreamgirl, sounds like your sister has one or a combination of issues. She may very well admire you, and compete with you by trying to emulate your appearance. I don't know about the appearance as I haven't seen you, I can only guess. She may have psychological issues. This would seem the case if what you mention regarding her partner is correct. Some women seem to be drawn to men that the rest of us can't stand or can't figure out why our friends are in a relationship that doesn't offer equality to both partners.
Some men (a lot in fact) are chauvanistic or domineering and want there partners to be something other than what the women is. Your concerns are valid, especially if she continues to lose weight and gets herself into a fixated state of mind. She may have the same view of herself in a similar manner to what we see in an anorexia sufferer.
See if you can gain her confidence to enable her to talk freely and openly with you about life in general. Maybe she feels that drawing attention to herself in this manner is a substitute for the closeness of a good loving sisterly relationship.
Long winded reply but you need to get close to her to find out what's really going on in her mind. Cheers.

[the_inkslinger]

Sounds like she might be a little obessive compulsive...
the fact that she is stayingwith a guy who treats her like shit says she has low self esteem and that she truely thinks that he is a "good guy" ..and is in denial of the B.S he puts her through...
Has he ever called her fat or made comments about her looking a bit chubby ina pair of jeans ? etc etc... this can be one of her problems.. but you need to look a little deeper here and take a look at her past.. has she ALWAYS dated men like that ? ...about her weight... it can be a situation with her getting a little bit older..my sister went through te same thing and started doing cardio kick boxing and things like that ... once she started getting a little older and she never did it while she was younger..

has your sister ever experienced trauma at a young age ? (you dont have to answer this if its too personal) ..lose a friend ? (death) ..the fact that you and your mom are obsessing about her weight more and more is DEFINITELY going to make her worse... start to get concerned when she is 90lbs... ..it sounds like shes a little OCD ..

I know girls who got really bad and were down to like 70lbs had to be hospitalized.. so it can be worse..

What was said above is trie about trying to get close to her..befriend her instead of ridiculing her.. if she is in a sensitive state she might think that your caring.. is really you attacking her ..

I hope you find out whats up with her soon.... it seems like you truely do care... if she only knew ..

regards ,

inky

[Timma]

My g/f's sister is doing the same exact thing. And it all comes down to the guy she is dating. He told her she was a little chunky and that she should lose some weight. She was perfect about a year ago. She's like 5'4" and was like 120lbs at most. Now she weighs less than my g/f, and my g/f is a tiny girl. My g/f said her sister weighs about 100lbs now. Everytime I see her she looks drained and unhealthy. And it's all because of the boyfriend. He's a typical shovanistic italian ass. Everytime I see him I want to kick his ass. But she is getting to the point where it's unhealthy. What you need to do is tell her fiance to shove a pork roll in his mouth and shut the fuck up. And the best thing to do is get your sister to see her doctor. He will be able to help her out so she doesn't hurt herself.

[the_inkslinger]

what does being italian have to do with being shovanistic ? lol

[Timma]

I am italian and have grown up with italians so there is a typical shovinistic italian type.

[Taleigh21]

Hey Dreamgirl,

My friend has an E.D. She works at a facility called Westwind here in Canada, its actually pretty famous, being featured on Maury Povitch show and that girl who has been on Entertainment Tonight, Melissa, stayed there. Anyways, here is the link, it may tell you a bit about E.D's and you could email them for some information.

http://www.westwind.mb.ca/

[AsianPersuasian]

Dreamgirl you have a PM

[soprano9mm]

If she does has some type of eating disorder then she should defently seek help. Her wieght seems to be in line with her hight. My X is 5'10 135

[rubberduckyo]

As much as people like to think eating disorders stem from self esteem issues they do not. Sorry if I'm going against the trend here.

Eating disorders have more to do with exerting control over something. I'm not a psycholigist so I can't begin to project....

Example: Girl graduates school, life out of control, has to go to college, family has her whole life set out as to what she will do. She feels it's beyond her control. Like everything is being decided for her. Plunges into an eating disorder.

I'm not saying that's what's going on of course. My sister suffered anorexia for 10 years and it's still an ongoing struggle. She's 4 years older than me. I can still remember my Mom's phone call when she'd recieved a call from her blaming her for her disorder. Of course Mom wasn't to blame. She was shifting attention off herself so she could continue her self sabotage.

Her remarks towards you are meant to piss you off, DG. Maybe if you're mad you won't pursue getting her help??? Just a hypothesis.

As much as people think it's an easily understood disease it is not. It's often deep seeded and has nothing to do with "feeling fat", "being teased"...... really. Nothing at all.

If you'd like I'll post some research I've done over the years as we've tried to help my sister.

In any instance I feel for ya, hun. It's rough. Hang in there.

[dreamgirl]

thank you everyone for posting on this topic! DG