drinking problem...

[LOCO]

my gf drinks way too much... her dad and mom are alcoholics and that's the way she grew up... her whole family in general drinks like crazy... it really pisses me off... none of them can go out for a dinner, to the bar, to a party etc, without getting totally trashed... to the point where they pass out and puke...
my grandfather was an alcoholic, and when my dad grew up he told himself that that's bad, and he won't follow his dads steps... he has like few beers a month and maybe few glasses of wine, but that's about it... and i grew up like that too..... i barely drink... and if i do it's either beer or wine, or those coolers.. no hard liquor (i hate that shit)...

i asked her many times to SLOW down when drinking and not to do it as much (i'm not asking her to quit)... once we almost ended up breaking up because of it... and she told me many times she will change... BUT she never did...
we decided to get engaged some time this year... i can understand she's used to it (she grew up with alcoholics around her) but i do not want to be married to some alcoholic and have big fights every time she ends up drinking...
did anyone go through same (or similar) problems..... how did u deal with it... is there a solution to it?

i told her if she can't do it herself to get help..... something like AA or so..... but apparently when she was little her mom dragged her there with her few times and she sais those meeting are BS...
she keeps telling me it's like when u tell a little kid not to do sometihng, it will do it even more... on purpose... and apparently that's how she works... if i stop bringing it up, she said she will apparently change it... it's been a year now and it's still the same old bs... she does slow down a bit after we have our little fight about it, but it always goes back to square one after a while...


(another thing is her fkin smoking, but that's another story)

[DJ_Rockett]

It'll always be the same BS until she decides it's a problem. You are not powerful enough to make her stop or change. all you can do is take care of yourself. When you've had enough you'll know. all you can do is speak how you feel and what you will and won't do.

Say a prayer too, they help, good luck

[Stonecold54]

Re: drinking problem...

Originally posted by LOCO
she drinks way too much... her dad and mom are alcoholics and that's the way she grew up... her whole family in general drinks like crazy... it really pisses me off... none of them can go out for a dinner, to the bar, to a party etc, without getting totally trashed... to the point where they pass out and puke...
my grandfather was an alcoholic, and when my dad grew up he told himself that that's bad, and he won't follow his dads steps... he has like few beers a month and maybe few glasses of wine, but that's about it... and i grew up like that too..... i barely drink... and if i do it's either beer or wine, or those coolers.. no hard liquor (i hate that shit)...

i asked her many times to SLOW down when drinking and not to do it as much (i'm not asking her to quit)... once we almost ended up breaking up because of it... and she told me many times she will change... BUT she never did...
we decided to get engaged some time this year... i can understand she's used to it (she grew up with alcoholics around her) but i do not want to be married to some alcoholic and have big fights every time she ends up drinking...
did anyone go through same (or similar) problems..... how did u deal with it... is there a solution to it?

i told her if she can't do it herself to get help..... something like AA or so..... but apparently when she was little her mom dragged her there with her few times and she sais those meeting are BS...
she keeps telling me it's like when u tell a little kid not to do sometihng, it will do it even more... on purpose... and apparently that's how she works... if i stop bringing it up, she said she will apparently change it... it's been a year now and it's still the same old bs... she does slow down a bit after we have our little fight about it, but it always goes back to square one after a while...


(another thing is her fkin smoking, but that's another story)

do not get married, do not think that marriage will change her or make her want to change. all ailments are pretty much the same. she must WANT to stop before anyone can help or make her stop. it is up to her. you can support her and help her if she wants and needs it but do not put yourself in a postition to get hurt that bad.

[IAMHUGE]

AA works, tell her to give it a chance.

[dreamgirl]

I agree with the don't get married until it's all worked out. That could devastate a marriage. Be careful, hopefully she'll understand that you care and that's why you want her to slow down the drinking.

[mountainman]

Originally posted by IAMHUGE
AA works, tell her to give it a chance.

exactly

i am an alcohaulic sober 8 yrs trust me when i say there is nothing you can do except tell her how you feel about it when she drinks
she is gonna have to fall down and crash b4 she`ll give it up for good and for gods sake man do not marry her untill this is resolved and she is sober at least a yr

i feel for yah bro and i wish there was something you could do but sadly alcohaulism is a lonely road that she is gonna have to run alone
best advice i could give to a guy is find an alanon group ,,, get a big book ,, and share your thoughts there is alot of ppl that are rideing the same rollercoaster as you are



reach out bro
good luck

[richpk77]

You can't change someone who is not ready. Went through the same shit with my mom groing up. Then repeated it with my ex.
When someone drinks to that level when they do drink have some deep issues that they are trying to mask. Until they confront these issues the drinking will stay the same. Maybe trail off for a while but will always come back. I'm with you. Had some bad run ins with the same situations.

Good luck

[richpk77]

Oh, don't get married. It won't help you or her. A ring doesn't solve a drinking problem.

Later

[Shibby]

I'll tell you what. Drinking as much as she does the first couple months at least may be unbearable for you and her. If she makes an honest effort to quite and you stay by her side, try your best not to abondon her during the roughest times. I was not nearly as bad, but the first 3-4 weeks were a major strugle. I was drinking 3 -4 times a week for about 3 years. I stopped for 14 weeks before I had a drink again. It made a huge difference. The only down fall is that sometimes now when I do drink (when I'm in a great partying mood) I will think I can drink like I use to and get waaaayyy to drunk.