To swing or not? Any advice from experience?

[playthegame]

OP - I'm from the Myrtle Beach area as well...Where are you?

[Puddles]

Originally posted by tantra74
It's me again. So I tell him I found this place and you all are very nice. He says when I figure myself out we will be happier. I shared some feedback from you and he says "I don't need it, it doesn't matter, I already gave up. So because in the first few years of marriage (7 now) it wasn't smooth he doesn't want to bother anymore. I am offended for some reason. Isn't being happily married never giving up on each other?

If he says he doesn't need it and that it doesn't matter, believe him. He can see that you've tried but he must feel that it's not right for you and he doesn't want to pressure you or pursue it any longer. It almost seems like you're wanting to do this to prove it to yourself that you can do it but that's not what it should be about. It should just be something fun that you enjoy doing together, no pressure, no jealousy, just a good time that you share together. If you have to work at it to make it happen, then I don't think you'll be happy with it. I can see him giving up because if he's gotten excited about it repeatedly, yet not gotten to participate and only watch you, he's being left out which would be frustrating to say the least. Sure, guys like to watch women together, but most men would want to participate and being married, if one of you is getting to be physically involved with sex with another person, then the other should be able to participate at the same time if they want to.

[Orgasmicpleasur]

im across the border in nc, tell me a little about u in private message.

[Blackdream71]

Originally posted by GearTripper
i'm not into "sharing" the one i love with anyone else :)

I concur! Unless it's another hot chic so I can watch them play....;) :D

[parsnip1965]

I don't want to offend any of the nice (and attractive) people here who are in an open marriage that is working, but I think it's pretty close to being a recipe for disaster.

Everyone I know who has tried it (as a swinger or just seeing other people) is now divorced. A pretty close friend from my 20's (he was really a freak and probably would have been divorced anyway); a childhood friend of my wife's; an ex-girlfriend who had been a swinger when she was married, before I met her - there's no such thing as proof by anecdote, but you get the idea.

Somebody either gets pissed off and splits or falls in love and splits.

But I do like looking at the pictures ;-)

Hope that helps - cheers, parsnip1965

[redsquirrel]

Originally posted by parsnip1965
I don't want to offend any of the nice (and attractive) people here who are in an open marriage that is working, but I think it's pretty close to being a recipe for disaster.

I agree, and was thinking the same thing. The three couples I knew who did swing, 2 of them are now divorced, and the other was on the verge last time I heard.

I just can't understand how seeing your husband fuck someone while you watch can be pleasurable. To me, it would be sickening.

[bonebreaker]

Redsquirrel, 66% is a bit higher than the national average, but more marriages end in divorce anyway, regardless to whether or not they were swingers. But I agree with you, there's too much to risk no matter how strong you think your marriage is. To much room for doubt and mistrust later on. Just not worth it. BB

[redsquirrel]

Originally posted by bonebreaker
Redsquirrel, 66% is a bit higher than the national average, but more marriages end in divorce anyway, regardless to whether or not they were swingers. But I agree with you, there's too much to risk no matter how strong you think your marriage is. To much room for doubt and mistrust later on. Just not worth it. BB

Right!! It's hard enough being married. It's hard enough for men and women to remain faithful as it is. In some aspects it just seems like a cop out to me. In essence, it's permission to cheat as long as you do it together, and you both know about it. Even if I did it for a short period of time, I would always have that in the back of my mind that it happened. Whether or not it's consensual is besides the point. Marriage vows don't include swinging. I

I'm not wanting ot get into a whole moral debate about this, but IMHO, married swinging couples seems to contradict everything associated with marriage. So, if you want to swing, then why get married? When you throw "approved adultery" into the mix, I find it hard to believe jealousy and mistrust wouldn't come up somewhere down the line.

[bonebreaker]

Amen Squirrel. I have only been married once and the only good thing that came from it was my two sons who I raised as a single parent and loved every minute of it. I have yet, in 20 years or so of being single, found a woman that I trusted, or for that matter a woman who trusted me. If you can't get close that way, swinging will most certainly make it worse. I like your values, want to marry an old fart, lol. BB

[Puddles]

There is a seperation of love and sex in the swinging lifestyle.

We don't swing with other couples but we do have fun with other women together. It's not that often and not with a lot of women, mostly friends who are also into having fun and sexual gratification without any strings attached. We simply have a good time together but we're naked and make eachother cum a lot. :D

[redsquirrel]

Originally posted by Puddles
There is a seperation of love and sex in the swinging lifestyle.

We don't swing with other couples but we do have fun with other women together. It's not that often and not with a lot of women, mostly friends who are also into having fun and sexual gratification without any strings attached. We simply have a good time together but we're naked and make eachother cum a lot. :D

:rofl:

IMO, your situation is different. Stromba knew your sexual orientation before you got married. Not that any man would have a problem with it, LOL, but it was understood. It's more of a thing that you 'need' than just want. You really, are the one who wants it, and I'm sure he would be just as satisfied without it. So, it's not like you both go looking for it to spice things up or to make the marriage more exciting or whatever.

As for the love and sex separation, I just can't imagine myself being able to distinguish the difference between the man that I LOVE, having SEX with someone else.