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Diary of a California couple...

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  • Diary of a California couple...

    Diary of a California couple who move to the east coast to escape the
    earthquakes.

    Jan. 24 - It's starting to snow. The first snow we've seen in years.
    The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the window watching
    the snow flakes drift down, clinging tot he trees and covering the
    ground, it was beautiful.

    Jan 25 - We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the
    landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub was covered
    with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in
    years and loved it. I did both the driveway and our sidewalk. Later,
    the city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway and
    compacted the snow from the street, but the driver smiled and waved, and
    I waved back and shoveled it again.

    Jan. 26 - It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature
    dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs
    snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again.
    Shortly afterwards, the city snowplow came by and did his trick again.
    Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

    Jan. 27 - Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which
    soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires
    for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway, $145.00 for the physical
    therapist, but nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.

    Jan. 28 - Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought 4x4 in order to get
    her to work. Slid into a guardrail and did considerable amount of damage
    to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of white shit last
    night. Both cars covered with salt and crud. More shoveling in store
    for me today. That damn snowplow came by twice today.

    Jan. 29 - Eight degrees outside. More fucking snow. Not a tree or shrub
    on our property that has not been damaged. Power was off most of the
    night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene
    heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to
    put out the flames, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost
    all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car slid on ice on the way to the
    emergency room and was totaled.

    Jan. 30 - Mother fucking shit keeps coming down! Have to put on all the
    clothes we have just to get to the fucking mailbox. If I ever catch the
    son-of-a-bitch that drives that fucking snowplow, I'll chew his chest and
    rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me
    to finish shoveling, then comes down the street about 100 mph and buries
    our driveway again! Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof
    has started to cave in.

    Jan. 31 - Six more fucking inches of fucking snow and fucking ice and god
    knows what other kind of white shit fell last night. I wounded the
    fucking snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he got away. The wife left
    ne, the car won't start and I think I'm going snow-blind. I can't move
    my toes, haven't seen the sun in weeks, and there's more snow predicted.
    Wind chill: 22 fucking degrees below zero. I'm moving back to California.

  • #2
    needs more cowbell

    Comment


    • #3
      :rofl:

      Comment


      • #4
        And that, my friends, is why I live in florida...lol

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        • #5
          I lived in that type of weather in Canada for awhile...after that California was for me. Hilarious post!

          Comment


          • #6
            LOL...sounds like a normal winter here, minus all the snow, just plenty of rage

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