THE NEW 2004 CALIFORNIA STATE EMPLOYEE GIRLY-MEN HANDBOOK by ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER
SICK DAYS We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more,
so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch
to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5
minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci
Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need
a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If
you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you
do not need a raise.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you
can do for dead friends, relatives, or coworkers. Every effort should be
made to have no employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary funeral should be schedule in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave that much earlier.
RESTROOM USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is
now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under "Chronic Offenders."
Thank you for your loyalty to our great State. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
THE GOVERNATER
SCHWARZENEGGER
SICK DAYS We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more,
so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch
to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5
minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci
Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need
a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If
you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you
do not need a raise.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you
can do for dead friends, relatives, or coworkers. Every effort should be
made to have no employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary funeral should be schedule in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave that much earlier.
RESTROOM USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is
now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under "Chronic Offenders."
Thank you for your loyalty to our great State. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
THE GOVERNATER
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