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A buddy of mine sent this to me, if you are from the south you can really preciate it.
>Ways To Avoid A Good Southern Whuppin-
> >
> >1. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will
> >get your ass kicked.
> >
> >2. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's
> >just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook
> >something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
> >
> >3. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up.
> > Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your
> >ass.
> >
> >4. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here
> >it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying rat's ass whether it's Pepsi,
> >RC, Dr Pepper, 7-Up or whatever it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing
> >otherwise can
> >lead to an ass kicking.
> >
> >5. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you
> >(e.g.Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and
> >generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies or
> >we'll kick your ass.
> >
> >6. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Sam
> >Walton, Oprah, Turner Broadcasting MTV, Netscape)., Naturally, we do,
> >sometimes, have small lapses in judgment, if you keep reminding us of
> >the
> >fact, we will kick your ass.
> >
> >7. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to
> >Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up
> >the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If
> >you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your
> >ass.
> >
> >8. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Luther, Tammy Lynn,Inez,
> >Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
> >
> >9. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly
> >know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended with
> >gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
> >
> >10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
> >better. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit,
> >Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
> >here, Delta or US Airways is ready when you are. Move your ass on home
> >before it gets kicked.
> >
> >11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
> >we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand
> >what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying,
> >and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll
> >kick your ass.
> >
> >12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR
> >lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR
> >scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
> >
> >13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
> >doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such
> >things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our
> >sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into
> >your ass just like they did ours!
> >
> >14. So you think we're quaint, or losers, because most of us live in
> >the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in
> >filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools like New York, LA, Baltimore or
> >Boston.
> >Make fun of our fresh air , and we'll kick your ass.
> >
> >15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how
> >to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is
> >kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our
> >barbecue, and
> >you will go home in a pine box..minus your ass.
> >
:D PD
>Ways To Avoid A Good Southern Whuppin-
> >
> >1. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will
> >get your ass kicked.
> >
> >2. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's
> >just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook
> >something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
> >
> >3. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up.
> > Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your
> >ass.
> >
> >4. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here
> >it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying rat's ass whether it's Pepsi,
> >RC, Dr Pepper, 7-Up or whatever it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing
> >otherwise can
> >lead to an ass kicking.
> >
> >5. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you
> >(e.g.Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and
> >generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies or
> >we'll kick your ass.
> >
> >6. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Sam
> >Walton, Oprah, Turner Broadcasting MTV, Netscape)., Naturally, we do,
> >sometimes, have small lapses in judgment, if you keep reminding us of
> >the
> >fact, we will kick your ass.
> >
> >7. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to
> >Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up
> >the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If
> >you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your
> >ass.
> >
> >8. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Luther, Tammy Lynn,Inez,
> >Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
> >
> >9. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly
> >know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended with
> >gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
> >
> >10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
> >better. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit,
> >Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
> >here, Delta or US Airways is ready when you are. Move your ass on home
> >before it gets kicked.
> >
> >11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because
> >we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand
> >what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying,
> >and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll
> >kick your ass.
> >
> >12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR
> >lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR
> >scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
> >
> >13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold
> >doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such
> >things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our
> >sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into
> >your ass just like they did ours!
> >
> >14. So you think we're quaint, or losers, because most of us live in
> >the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in
> >filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools like New York, LA, Baltimore or
> >Boston.
> >Make fun of our fresh air , and we'll kick your ass.
> >
> >15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how
> >to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is
> >kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our
> >barbecue, and
> >you will go home in a pine box..minus your ass.
> >
:D PD
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