Girlfriends Decreased Interest in Sex

[BENCH355ANIMAL]

What's up everyone. I'm hoping I can get some answers, advice, or perhaps some similar experiences from others on the board. The question goes out to women whom have had children, but all help is welcomed from guys who've experienced this as well.

Just over 9 weeks ago, my girlfriend and I had our first child. A 9 lb. 12 ounce baby boy. We love him so much, and we are extremely happy to have him. My girlfriend has already been back to her ob/gyn and been cleared for sex....with a condom of course until she can start her birth control. Well here is the issue. Getting her to even have sex is a chore.....I mean.....sometimes I feel like I'm a dog in heat humping her leg. She knows I'm on cycle and blames that, but she and I were both like this before she had my son.

We've been together now for 3 years, but before we got pregnant...we would do it because the wind blew a different direction. Example: I would be standing in the kitchen making my meals for the following day, and she would come in, pull my shorts down, and blow me right there in the kitchen. I didn't even have to say anything...she would initiate it. I mean.......there were times I would come home from work, and she would be naked in bed waiting for me. We would do it at least once a day, and if she was on her period she would always give me head to make up for not being able to do it. It was AWESOME, and this was our normal pattern. She's been cleared now for 3 weeks and we've done it 3 times. It's not painful, and she enjoys it once we start, but it's getting her to do it which is the problem. It's like she's completely lost her sex drive. Hell......I have to practically shove my tongue through her lips to start a real kiss. If I don't then it's strictly pecks.

I know it's only been a couple months, but is this normal after pregnancy? Will her animal like appetite for sex return once the hormones balance or should I just get used to only getting it once a week? Are there things I can do to increase her interests?? I've offered massages, and to just give her oral, and she just says "nah". Please help me out here!!

Women who have had children----please comment. Thanks!!

[The_Jarhead]

Dude her hormones are all fucked up. She just had something the size of a watermelon push out a hole normally used for something the size of a banana. She is a new mother who I'm sure is worried about doing a good job with her new child. I'm sure she isn't sleeping as well right now. Like most women she after giving birth she's not feeling very attractive right now. With some extra weight and being stretched out. And now you are upset she won' jump your bones at ever moment. I think you need to relax it’s going to take some for her to get back to normal she has enough to think about and deal with right now without making sure you are sexually taken care of.

[BENCH355ANIMAL]

Originally posted by The_Jarhead
Dude her hormones are all fucked up. She just had something the size of a watermelon push out a hole normally used for something the size of a banana. She is a new mother who I'm sure is worried about doing a good job with her new child. I'm sure she isn't sleeping as well right now. Like most women she after giving birth she's not feeling very attractive right now. With some extra weight and being stretched out. And now you are upset she won' jump your bones at ever moment. I think you need to relax it’s going to take some for her to get back to normal she has enough to think about and deal with right now without making sure you are sexually taken care of.

Well, she's not taking care of the child alone. I'm very much involved in taking care of him, as well as getting up with him during the night as well. I guess I do need to chill out a bit, and give her some time to adjust. Thanks!!

[GreekTank]

I would just chill for a while, and let her come to me when things settle

[Pumpdogg]

Dude it is normal for now. Wait till she has postpartum then it really gets fun and that can last for up to 1 year. My wife and I have a 5 month old now and she is just starting to get her drive back somewhat. They have hormone issue's for along time after they give birth. Be patient and understanding to her needs. Buy her a gift certificate to get a manicure and pedicure, buy her flowers, make sure you tell her how pretty she is and dont make the comment sexual in the least. Ask her to set next to you on the couch and cuddle again leave sex alone her too. Women have to be romanced in their brain not their bodys. She may have been different b4 the baby, however women often times change and for the better I think. Buy her some tanning visits if she likes to tan. Get a baby sitter and take her on a date. The most important aspect in keeping a relationship going is to do just that. It may take some time, perhaps more than you want, but if you really love on another.... then you can make these small things in life that seem large now fade away. Keep the faith bro you have many challenges ahead of you now in life. It will all work out :D

PD

[BENCH355ANIMAL]

Originally posted by Pumpdogg
Dude it is normal for now. Wait till she has postpartum then it really gets fun and that can last for up to 1 year. My wife and I have a 5 month old now and she is just starting to get her drive back somewhat. They have hormone issue's for along time after they give birth. Be patient and understanding to her needs. Buy her a gift certificate to get a manicure and pedicure, buy her flowers, make sure you tell her how pretty she is and dont make the comment sexual in the least. Ask her to set next to you on the couch and cuddle again leave sex alone her too. Women have to be romanced in their brain not their bodys. She may have been different b4 the baby, however women often times change and for the better I think. Buy her some tanning visits if she likes to tan. Get a baby sitter and take her on a date. The most important aspect in keeping a relationship going is to do just that. It may take some time, perhaps more than you want, but if you really love on another.... then you can make these small things in life that seem large now fade away. Keep the faith bro you have many challenges ahead of you now in life. It will all work out :D

PD

Thanks pump. I don't necessarily give her the impression I want to do it all the time. I try to cuddle, and try to spoon her in bed, but she doesn't respnd the same. Not because she doesn't drop her panties, but I can just sense there isn't anything there. We do lay around, and cuddle while watching tv, and I've bought her flowers so I'm with ya on that. I tell her everday how great she looks, (she's only 12 lbs. more than she was to begin with) She used to look anorexic, and was only a size 2. She's now wearing a size 6/7, so I think she looks awesome!! Her but has and thighs have really filled out finally. The only thing is the slight pooch on her lower belly, and I've told her it will go away faster than she thinks. She want's to work out, and I've offered my assistance. As far as tanning, her birthday is next week, and I've already bought her a package, and I know she'll like that. I try to understand where she is coming from, and I try to let her know I love her. I'm very romantic, and well aware of how the female mind operates under normal circumstances.....I was just needing some clarification as to why the drive is gone. I know how to get her in the mood whether it be physical or emotional, but nothing works. Since everyone is saying it's hormones, then I should just set back and wait for her to approach me. I guess my hand is going to be one busy buddy :agree:

[dreamgirl]

hi bench animal... well, everytime I had a baby, I got 3rd degree tears and I was never able to even have sex till 2-3 months after the birth... yes 2-3 months! Hormones are very different right now. She can not help this either. She's gonna be more emotional. Her body was just supporting life for 9 months and now it has to adjust back to normal. This definately can take up to a year. I know I was EXTREMELY self conscious about my body after this last pregnancy and now 9 months after, I'm feeling better about myself. (I still have 20 pounds to go too.) As for the way my belly looks now, my skin is flattening out and the bumpy stretch marks are also flattening. Even though Im heavier my belly is looking more normal and this is after 9 months.

After I had my babies it took me a long time to feel sexual. It wasn't anything to do with my husband, it was because I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. When you are pregnant, you are totally excited for what is happeneing. Then the baby is born and you are left with a totally different looking body and it doesn't go back for a long time... that is SO VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH!!! Guys, try to understand. You may think she looks good, but it's hard to accept being different that you always were. But believe me, everything will go back in place and once that starts happening I guarantee that she'll start feeling better about herself.

You're just gonna have to wait and have patience. Enjoy your new baby, he won't be that little for long. You won't believe how fast time will go! Mine is already trying to talk and walk now and he is only 9 months old.

PM me or ask any questions. Hope this helps!

[BENCH355ANIMAL]

Originally posted by dreamgirl
hi bench animal... well, everytime I had a baby, I got 3rd degree tears and I was never able to even have sex till 2-3 months after the birth... yes 2-3 months! Hormones are very different right now. She can not help this either. She's gonna be more emotional. Her body was just supporting life for 9 months and now it has to adjust back to normal. This definately can take up to a year. I know I was EXTREMELY self conscious about my body after this last pregnancy and now 9 months after, I'm feeling better about myself. (I still have 20 pounds to go too.) As for the way my belly looks now, my skin is flattening out and the bumpy stretch marks are also flattening. Even though Im heavier my belly is looking more normal and this is after 9 months.

After I had my babies it took me a long time to feel sexual. It wasn't anything to do with my husband, it was because I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. When you are pregnant, you are totally excited for what is happeneing. Then the baby is born and you are left with a totally different looking body and it doesn't go back for a long time... that is SO VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH!!! Guys, try to understand. You may think she looks good, but it's hard to accept being different that you always were. But believe me, everything will go back in place and once that starts happening I guarantee that she'll start feeling better about herself.

You're just gonna have to wait and have patience. Enjoy your new baby, he won't be that little for long. You won't believe how fast time will go! Mine is already trying to talk and walk now and he is only 9 months old.

PM me or ask any questions. Hope this helps!

Thank you very much dreamgirl!! My son tore her up on the way out. She ripped all the way through....is that a 3rd or 4th degree tear? I think it was a 4th. The doctor cleared her for intercourse, but I know that isn't the issue. I'm sure it's hormonal as well as her feelings about her body and stuff. My son is awesome, (already pushing 13 lbs. & 25" long at 9 weeks old), and she is a great mother and girlfriend whom I adore so much. I will stop being so selfish, and enjoy my time with them both. Thanks to all again for your support, and suggestions.

Dreamgirl.....you're the best!!!!! I'm sure you're dreading the snow coming for us huh? I'm down here in Columbus, and I am not happy hearing about 6 potential inches coming by Friday night :(

[Puddles]

Like the others said here already, her hormones are not normal now and it can take quite a while for them to return. Her emotions will be different as there is this tiny person she's falling deeply in love with who also requires a lot of attention. As soon as the baby is sleeping, other things need to be tended to. She will be exhausted. A little alone time for the new mom would probably be a good idea. Maybe for a few hours every weekend you could take the baby out of the house so your girl can just be alone without any responsibilities, or send her out with her girlfriends while you keep the baby at home. Even something as simple as taking a shower isn't an easy task with a newborn in the house. If the baby's sleeping, mom's worried the baby will wake up crying while she's in the shower, the mental strain of being a new mom is greater than most realize.

Once your girl's hormones calm down and the baby and her find their groove your sexlife will improve. It's all a matter of time so just do your best to let her know she's loved and wanted but don't pressure her.

Another thought is that she may not be responding to your simple cuddling as well as you'd like because she may be thinking that's not all you're wanting. She may also be feeling guilty for not wanting to give you what you want. Talk to her, it may relieve some of the pressure from both you and her. Let her know you can enjoy just cuddling and it's not a sign that you're expecting more to come out of it. She herself may not understand what's going on within her own body, she should be told if she doesn't already know about the hormonal changes affecting her sex drive because otherwise she may think she's just fucked up.

Good luck!

[Bouncer]

Im a virgin.

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by THE BOUNCER
Im a virgin.

thats cuz you don't shower

[redMachchick]

I totally agree with dreamgirl, she just needs more time. Damn it was only 9 weeks ago, now if it was 8 months ago I could understand...

I don't blame her for not wanting to have sex....being torn and then sewn back up takes more than 9 weeks to heal enough to have sex! Our skin is sensitive down there!!! She may not be ready yet. I just had surgery to marsupualilize a bartholins cyst and I was cut and sewn on down there and I havent felt sexual in quite a few weeks and I still have lots more weeks to go before I heal completely! It makes me rethink my decision to have children someday.

[Puddles]

Originally posted by redMachchick
I just had surgery to marsupualilize a bartholins cyst and I was cut and sewn on down there and I havent felt sexual in quite a few weeks and I still have lots more weeks to go before I heal completely!

How many times did the cyst bother you before you had surgery on it? Mine's flaired up a few times in the last couple of years but has been managable with hot baths/compresses and only put me out of comission for maybe a week each time. Grrrrrrrrrrr...the things us women go through at times!

Hope you feel better soon hun. :kiss:

[redMachchick]

Originally posted by Puddles
How many times did the cyst bother you before you had surgery on it? Mine's flaired up a few times in the last couple of years but has been managable with hot baths/compresses and only put me out of comission for maybe a week each time. Grrrrrrrrrrr...the things us women go through at times!

Hope you feel better soon hun. :kiss:

Sorry to hijack this thread, but this is for puddles....:D


I've had it for over 2 years and I wish mine was that manageable, the final year and a half I would get the fluid extracted by needle every 3 months which then turned into every month and then it would swell up immediately after doing so and got to be to painful and I was missing out on lots of good sex all the time so the doc decided to Marsupualize it which is basically cutting the cyst and gland open, and stitching it open so it can drain and hopefully a hole will stay so the gland will drain normally. (though the dr lied and told me the hole would be permament, it is not...just a quick fix) Advice: Don't do it!! Two weeks after my surgery it closed up and I am back at square one only now its worse and VERY painful! I am looking at another surgery in the very near future.:D Going to another doctor who is going to do the same thing but also going to remove the duct which will supposedly make the gland stop producing...we shall see I guess. :D :drunk:

[Mr I]

Whats the problem? get a top shelf magazine and a slice of pizza and chill bro