Am I Overreacting?

[Curls4dGirls]

First .... thanks for all the comments. Very helpful. Let me tell you guys what's happened.

I talked to a couple of my friends as well, and they basically said the same things all my SM friends said. So, I decided to tell her exactly what I told you guys. I told her that I trust that she's not hooking up with guys or dating other guys, but that I don't think that someone in a commited relationship should be out getting drunk and flirting with / enticing other guys.

Holy shit, did she get pissed. :cursin:

First, she accused me of not trusting her. I reminded her that I just told her I trusted her and that it's not about trust.

Next, she tried the denial route. BUT, she forgot that she had told me that she did flirt with the guy from last weekend. So, she tried to say that 98% of people don't think flirting is innocent. I lauged to myself and said,"I ran this by a lot of people, and everyone said that I have a right to be pissed." Plus, if you're at a bar flirting with a drunk guy, what's he going to think?

Then, she tried to say I was insecure about our relationship. To that I said - it's not about security, it's about beliefs. And, i don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is out getting drunk and flirting / enticing other guys.

At that point, she said, "I don't know what else to say."

I said you can either choose not to do it anymore or we can split. She said she "doesn't really" flirt with guys when she goes out and that it was an isolated incident.

I say:
:bsflag:

I do care a lot about her, so I think I'm going to cautiously continue the relationship. If the pattern continues, then I'm out.

Thanks again for all the comments.

[sekcbeast]

You delt with the problem in a very mature way. You have done what you needed to do and now all you can do is see how life is after the talk. Personally, I tend to be a bit overprotective, so two thumbs up for dealing with it the way you did.

[BBAddict]

Originally posted by Curls4dGirls

Holy shit, did she get pissed. :cursin:

If this was truly an isolated incident, I think she would have been more apologetic than pissed. I think its time to practice "catch and release" and release this one-there's a lot of fish in the sea bro and it sounds like yours isn't ready to be in a committed relationship.

[dreamgirl]

curls-- when I go out with the girls, I flirt with guys and dance with them and sometimes, they buy me drinks and I tell them i am married and I ALWAYS have my ring on... I would never go any further and my hubby knows that.

My thoughts are just that some guys are ok with that and some aren't. I also know that some girls cheat behind their guys back and some don't. Maybe the other guys she has dated didn't care if she flirted... there's always that fine line and both in the relationship need to know what exactly it is.

[wheyman]

If a stable relationship is what you are looking for then I would get out now bro. If you wait longer then it will be that much harder to split. Sounds like she isn't ready to settle down to me...I look at it like this, if my girl was out with her friends drinking she would not be getting smashed for one thing and if someone tried to kiss her it would only happen once b/c she would walk away. The fact that she got so pissed tells me that she is guilty. that's just my two cents, I don't have a tolerance for shit like that b/c there are too many other girls out there.

[Puddles]

Originally posted by Curls4dGirls
I do care a lot about her, so I think I'm going to cautiously continue the relationship. If the pattern continues, then I'm out.

I think you're doing things right.

[Shibby]

Originally posted by Curls4dGirls
I do care a lot about her, so I think I'm going to cautiously continue the relationship. If the pattern continues, then I'm out.

Thanks again for all the comments.

I say your doing the right thing. Sounds like she wants to be with you, but is having a hard time accepting her feelings for you. I don't know the ages, but sounds like there is still some "wanting to be young a free" feelings in her mind and her heart is wanting to be loved now. I was very scared of getting too commited about 5 months ago. Did things to reasure myself I wasn't to serious with my girlfriend, just so I wasn't overwhelmed. Well she stook by me and let me figure things out (I did show her that she could trust that I wouldn't cheat on her) and now it's wonderful. I lover her. It does scare me some that I could actually love someone in 5 months, but it happened. I'm still getting comfortable with the idea and accepting my feelings. Sometimes I wonder if it was too fast. Then I take a good look at my other options and how the other side lives. I definitly choose loving her.

[BENCH355ANIMAL]

Personally, I don't think bars and clubs are places where people in committed relationships should be. Unless you're with your significant other, then why would you go somewhere known as a drunken pick up party. The only times I ever went to bars or clubs was when I was looking to get some new booty. Once I met my girl......we hardly ever go to a place like that unless we're together. Not because I make her or she makes me, but if we're going to be getting drunk, and wanting to have fun......then why not be with the one you love. It's alot more fun, and safer that way.

Curls------Why don't you have one of your buddies go to the same club she goes to when she's out with her "friends", and see if she is in fact flirting with other guys. Shit......show up there yourself one night, and catch her in the act. It always fun to do that.

[Curls4dGirls]

Originally posted by Shibby
I don't know the ages, but sounds like there is still some "wanting to be young a free" feelings in her mind and her heart is wanting to be loved now.

I think you hit the nail on the head. She just turned 23, and I'm 30. She's less than a year removed from the college scene, so she's still in that raw college party mode. I don't think she's ever been in a mature relationship ... in fact, I know she hasn't. The question I had to ask myself ... is she worth standing by while she learns how to act in a mature relationship.

I think she is.

[Mr I]

Originally posted by Curls4dGirls
I think you hit the nail on the head. She just turned 23, and I'm 30. She's less than a year removed from the college scene, so she's still in that raw college party mode. I don't think she's ever been in a mature relationship ... in fact, I know she hasn't. The question I had to ask myself ... is she worth standing by while she learns how to act in a mature relationship.

I think she is.

Good luck bro, you sound like you wear your heart on your sleeve and show your emotions, thats a good thing but don't get played by a green banana only to be left with nothing at the end.

There are pleanty of hotties out there that want a mature relationship but you can't have your cake and eat it bro!

My advice, cut loose and move to another green banana if you want to mess around a bit longer or get a more mature female for a longer term relationship.

Personally, I got bored with those late teenage/early twenties chicks by the time I was 26.

[BENCH355ANIMAL]

Personally, I got bored with those late teenage/early twenties chicks by the time I was 26.

Me too. I'm 26 now, and my fiance is 32 :agree: I say- go for an older woman who already knows what she wants. Younger girls still have that "exploration bug" :drunk: in them, and they don't settle down easily.:3some:

[JUICE]

Originally posted by BENCH355ANIMAL
Younger girls still have that "exploration bug" in them, and they don't settle down easily

:agree:


Its like when i was single, i used to tell people "I want a Woman, not a girl".

[BIKER_GIXXER]

Where there is smoke you can bet there is fire. Drop the drama queen bro,

My thoughts exactly!


if the pattern continues, then I'm out

IF the pattern continues? Oh, I promise you it will. Good luck, you're going to need it bro...

[Johnny Bravo]

"You have a small problem with her attitude,

there's only one way to sort that out,"


"You need to fuck her in the ass"

:rofl: well put....

[Mr I]

Originally posted by Johnny Bravo
"You have a small problem with her attitude,

there's only one way to sort that out,"


"You need to fuck her in the ass"

:rofl: well put....

Thanks..I put alot of thought into that one:agree: