Tweet
**written by a UT fan**
ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who have studied physics at some time in your lives, perhaps you recall the five fundamental forces. if not, this should serve as an important review of the subject
"why is this important to me?" you might ask. "i dont have any need for physics. im a (insert name of a job or lack thereof that does not require physics knowledge here)"
well, this upcoming weekend, this particular knowledge should be of paramount concern in all our lives. we are playing the university of oklahoma in football in the red river shootout, and we will need all the forces we can muster in order to overcome the forces of ou.
but back to the topic at hand, allow me to review the five fundamental forces. and yes, there are five of them
1. strong force
description: the force that holds the nucleus of atoms together
relative strength: 1
range: 10^-15 m
2. electromagnetic force
description: attraction/repulsion of charges
relative strength: 1/137
range: infinite
3. weak force
description: neutrino interaction... induces beta decay in atoms
relative strength: 10^-5
range: 10^-17 m
4. gravity
description: the attraction between two bodies
relative strength: 6x10^-39
range: infinite
5. ou sucks
description: ou sucks
relative strength: infinite
range: infinite
there is no escape from the ou sucks force. you can feel it in the fucking andromeda galaxy, on planet x and shit. even long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, luke skywalker and his buddies could feel it. why do you think everyone on the dark side has an ou-colored light saber? we are going to feel it in dallas on saturday
on earth, there are several ways that this force manifests itself: this force has been known to suck the penis of a sooner right into his sister. it has been known to shape the hair of a sooner into a mullet. it has been known to suck the teeth right out of a sooner's mouth, and turn the rest of them yellow. it has sucked numerous people into classes at the university of oklahoma, despite the fact that they had already completed 7th grade. it has also been known to spawn numerous tornadoes and ncaa sanctions. ou sucks trancends football. ou could win every football game by 1000 for the next 1000 years, and ou would still suck. only when ou ceases to exist will the ou sucks force no longer be a factor
the ou sucks force cannot be escaped. but it can be overcome, when it manifests itself in football. we have just been really shitty at doing this in the last four years
but now it is more important than ever. nobody in this country cares about oklahoma. when you think of oklahoma, what comes to mind?
1. tornadoes
2. inbreeding
3. roadside fruit stands
4. trailer parks
5. turquoise jewelry
6. bulk cigarette shops
7. charles thompson on the cover of si (that was his name right? i get all these stupid sooners mixed up)
8. brian bosworth
9. redneck terrorists
10. redneck non-terrorists
11. jason white's hair line
12. ou sucks
which of those things would be classified as "good"? turquoise jewelry and roadside fruit stands are neutral at best. everything else is shit
how embarassing is it to get worked by a team that represents a state known for the things listed above for the last 5 years? for me, it has been fucking terrible. 2000 was a blur. 2001 and especially 2002 were disappointing, as our conservative approach always seemed to put us in a position we didnt need to be in towards the end of the game. and 2003 was the absolute worst. early on, we looked like we were pretty much going to trade blows with them. theyd drive and score. wed drive and score. theyd drive and score. wed drive and fumble. theyd drive and score. wed drive and fumble. theyd drive and score. wed drive and fumble. but that wasnt the worst part. the worst part was after the game when the sooners were being nice to us. they fucking felt sorry for us. they wouldnt even talk shit to me, as pissed off as i looked. that, i assure you, is worse than a million horns downs. i would rather get yelled at and taunted by those toothless bastards than have them feel sorry for me
i remember after the game, i was walking with my friends around the fair. i dont remember where we were going, but i was carrying a beer and i was wasted. this sooner chick bumped into me and made me drop my beer. she apologized and offered to buy me another one. i said "dont worry about it. im a longhorn, and thats what we do. we fumble."
well i dont want that shit to fucking happen again. if we lose this game, i am going to go fucking apeshit. there is no reason for us to lose. we have plenty of talent, and coaches who know how to use it (whether or not they have the balls to use it is another story, but i do not doubt that they are at least potentially competant). we have the pissed off factor on our side. and we are not from oklahoma
this year is going to be different. it has to be. we have jamall charles, vince young, aaron harris, rod wright, and a great o-line. they have a bunch of toothless dipshits who fuck their sisters and chew on a piece of hay while wearing overalls with nothing underneath
we are going to kick the shit out of ou and i can't wait.
ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who have studied physics at some time in your lives, perhaps you recall the five fundamental forces. if not, this should serve as an important review of the subject
"why is this important to me?" you might ask. "i dont have any need for physics. im a (insert name of a job or lack thereof that does not require physics knowledge here)"
well, this upcoming weekend, this particular knowledge should be of paramount concern in all our lives. we are playing the university of oklahoma in football in the red river shootout, and we will need all the forces we can muster in order to overcome the forces of ou.
but back to the topic at hand, allow me to review the five fundamental forces. and yes, there are five of them
1. strong force
description: the force that holds the nucleus of atoms together
relative strength: 1
range: 10^-15 m
2. electromagnetic force
description: attraction/repulsion of charges
relative strength: 1/137
range: infinite
3. weak force
description: neutrino interaction... induces beta decay in atoms
relative strength: 10^-5
range: 10^-17 m
4. gravity
description: the attraction between two bodies
relative strength: 6x10^-39
range: infinite
5. ou sucks
description: ou sucks
relative strength: infinite
range: infinite
there is no escape from the ou sucks force. you can feel it in the fucking andromeda galaxy, on planet x and shit. even long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, luke skywalker and his buddies could feel it. why do you think everyone on the dark side has an ou-colored light saber? we are going to feel it in dallas on saturday
on earth, there are several ways that this force manifests itself: this force has been known to suck the penis of a sooner right into his sister. it has been known to shape the hair of a sooner into a mullet. it has been known to suck the teeth right out of a sooner's mouth, and turn the rest of them yellow. it has sucked numerous people into classes at the university of oklahoma, despite the fact that they had already completed 7th grade. it has also been known to spawn numerous tornadoes and ncaa sanctions. ou sucks trancends football. ou could win every football game by 1000 for the next 1000 years, and ou would still suck. only when ou ceases to exist will the ou sucks force no longer be a factor
the ou sucks force cannot be escaped. but it can be overcome, when it manifests itself in football. we have just been really shitty at doing this in the last four years
but now it is more important than ever. nobody in this country cares about oklahoma. when you think of oklahoma, what comes to mind?
1. tornadoes
2. inbreeding
3. roadside fruit stands
4. trailer parks
5. turquoise jewelry
6. bulk cigarette shops
7. charles thompson on the cover of si (that was his name right? i get all these stupid sooners mixed up)
8. brian bosworth
9. redneck terrorists
10. redneck non-terrorists
11. jason white's hair line
12. ou sucks
which of those things would be classified as "good"? turquoise jewelry and roadside fruit stands are neutral at best. everything else is shit
how embarassing is it to get worked by a team that represents a state known for the things listed above for the last 5 years? for me, it has been fucking terrible. 2000 was a blur. 2001 and especially 2002 were disappointing, as our conservative approach always seemed to put us in a position we didnt need to be in towards the end of the game. and 2003 was the absolute worst. early on, we looked like we were pretty much going to trade blows with them. theyd drive and score. wed drive and score. theyd drive and score. wed drive and fumble. theyd drive and score. wed drive and fumble. theyd drive and score. wed drive and fumble. but that wasnt the worst part. the worst part was after the game when the sooners were being nice to us. they fucking felt sorry for us. they wouldnt even talk shit to me, as pissed off as i looked. that, i assure you, is worse than a million horns downs. i would rather get yelled at and taunted by those toothless bastards than have them feel sorry for me
i remember after the game, i was walking with my friends around the fair. i dont remember where we were going, but i was carrying a beer and i was wasted. this sooner chick bumped into me and made me drop my beer. she apologized and offered to buy me another one. i said "dont worry about it. im a longhorn, and thats what we do. we fumble."
well i dont want that shit to fucking happen again. if we lose this game, i am going to go fucking apeshit. there is no reason for us to lose. we have plenty of talent, and coaches who know how to use it (whether or not they have the balls to use it is another story, but i do not doubt that they are at least potentially competant). we have the pissed off factor on our side. and we are not from oklahoma
this year is going to be different. it has to be. we have jamall charles, vince young, aaron harris, rod wright, and a great o-line. they have a bunch of toothless dipshits who fuck their sisters and chew on a piece of hay while wearing overalls with nothing underneath
we are going to kick the shit out of ou and i can't wait.
Comment