Help

[JUICE]

Im starting to realize alot of things on a relationship I was in. We were going for 4 years in April 2006. She ended things this Christmas that passed 2005. So we didnt speak for 3 weeks. Until last weekend Friday I spoke to her and we spoke for a good while. I asked her out for Sunday Night. So we went out and spoke a good while, then I left her home. Made me feel good.

The things she said to me during the split made me cry, they hurt bad. I never put thought into the words she would tell me before. I wanted to die and not feel pain. I got fucked up New Years night thinking about it, hoping not to wake up. I just did not want to go through the pain anymore. I had friends coming over, cheering me up but nothing worked. I even gone out clubbin and chillin and nothing. Ive never felt like this towards a person before. I know theres plenty of girls out there but this one is special. We been through and done alot in our almost 4 years together.
I took her for granted, knowing she was always gonna be there for me. Well this time something inside me told me she meant business. Im 24, shes 22, we are both young and all, with our jobs, and school. Also, she comes from a very good, a super close family. They are religious and all, family loves me. My ex has good morals, smart, beautiful, never done drugs, drinks moderately only when going out, stuff like that.

Here are some mistakes I did:
1. Most of it was my fault. I gotta admit, I was the jealous type. Her friends since the begining would invite her to go out with them, and sometimes invite me, but me like always would say NO. I would judge there friends, which Im no one to judge people. I gotta say, I had my fun my high school years and all, didnt want to date no one cause I wanted to have fun. Well till I hit 20 years of age, I had a girlfriend, her. The reason why I would say no to her was that I thought her friends were gonna take her away from me. Since shes been a good girl to me and the person I love. Till recently, her friends have been there before me, so she knows me and tells me they respected the fact that she was dating me and wouldnt let any other guy mack on her. I was wrong there, feel like shit.

2. I never cheated on her, lied to her, used drugs, nor even drank excessively, or was even abusive towards her. But one thing I would do is say stupid little things that would tick her off. I would always tell her, "do you love me", which she thought I was questioning her love towards me. I told her to join the gym with me, she got offended. I told her reasons, also because of health wise. She would also tell me she didnt like the way her clothese was fitting her and stuff. I should have keep quite. What wold tick her off was when she was on a bad mood, I used to make it worst by questioning her and stuff. Even more her time of the month, she used to get major cramps. At times I used to annoy the shit out of her when she was on it. Stuff like that.

3. I stayed in the same jo for 3 years now. The pay stayed the same 9 bucks an hour. Doesnt go up nor down. WeLL, i got more payments so that meant less money to spend. Which I became greedy. I wouldnt take her out too much anymore, nor buy her stuff here and there like I used to before. She thought I was going to stay in the same place forever and never progress. With school Im cool cause I graduate this summer, I hope if i pass my courses.

4. Since we were gonna have 4 years in April, she thought we were wasting time. Thought I was never going to commit to her. My job is whats keeping me from doing this money wise. I also took her for granted, knowing she was always going to be there for me. I wouldnt call her much anymore, nor go to her house anymore. Everything seemed like a routine. She was being sweet to me and all, giving me little gifts and I was like "ahhhh ok". I became distant. Well after a while she started noticing and told me about us, where we were heading, till we split.




Ive been feeling like shit ever since. Shes been going out like crazy now with her co-workers, close friends, and some cousins of her. She told me, she wanted to be single because of no worries and pressure. Not having to call the boyfriend(me) to tell me where shes at and stuff. Ive been talking to her little by little and all.
I told her that Im a huge believer in "faith". I believe in things. I told her that I believe deep down inside me that we will get back together. But im not going to pressure her or try to buy her. Im going to do it naturally with time and see how it goes. I wanna win her once more. If that comes true, I promise I will not mess up lilke before. I lost her once, im not losing her again.


MOst of the time sin the past I would do posts on us and stuff. Like they say theres always two side to a story. Im honest here, its my fault for most of the things that happend between me and her. Knowing me in person, you will understand how i am. Im sorta subborn, have to learn the hard way, which I did.

Should I give her more time? How am I supposed to know when to go for the kill? as in when shes ready. Im afraid in a way. I dont want to bring my hopes up and then nothing happens. Right now I spoke to her and she was going out to a club, which bugged me but couldnt say anything. Hey guys I miss her very much. Nights and days are not the same without her. I can't sleep at nights, cannot concentrate in school, nor work. Im depressed as shit. She was/is the world to me. What do you guys think of this?

[rude]

Here are some mistakes I did:

2. I never cheated on her, lied to her, used drugs, nor even drank excessively, or was even abusive towards her. But one thing I would do is say stupid little things that would tick her off. I would always tell her, "do you love me", which she thought I was questioning her love towards me. I told her to join the gym with me, she got offended. I told her reasons, also because of health wise. She would also tell me she didnt like the way her clothese was fitting her and stuff. I should have keep quite. What wold tick her off was when she was on a bad mood, I used to make it worst by questioning her and stuff. Even more her time of the month, she used to get major cramps. At times I used to annoy the shit out of her when she was on it. Stuff like that.

3. I stayed in the same jo for 3 years now. The pay stayed the same 9 bucks an hour. Doesnt go up nor down. WeLL, i got more payments so that meant less money to spend. Which I became greedy. I wouldnt take her out too much anymore, nor buy her stuff here and there like I used to before. She thought I was going to stay in the same place forever and never progress. With school Im cool cause I graduate this summer, I hope if i pass my courses.

She told me, she wanted to be single because of no worries and pressure. Not having to call the boyfriend(me) to tell me where shes at and stuff. Ive been talking to her little by little and all.
I told her that Im a huge believer in "faith". I believe in things. I told her that I believe deep down inside me that we will get back together. But im not going to pressure her or try to buy her. Im going to do it naturally with time and see how it goes. I wanna win her once more. If that comes true, I promise I will not mess up lilke before. I lost her once, im not losing her again.

I hope the best for you juice, I really do. I dont know how to do that fancy quotes, so bare with me :druggie:

on point 2 you made, you pretty much were a faithful good guy towards her, and anytime you said something that she may disagree with, she treats you like shit. No one is perfect, your going to make her angry she needs to calm the hell down with the attitude.

On point 3, your already going to finish school in the summer, she cant wait for the guy she is dating for 3 years, whats one semester more to her???? p.s, 9 bucks isnt so bad for a college student ;)

She told you " she wanted to be single because no worries or pressure, not having to call a BF". That sounds like a girl that doesnt want a relationship with anyone, she wants to enjoy her "freedom", she got into a new lifestyle, some girls change, nothing you can do about it bro. People break up everyday,me and my girlfriend, we have nearly 8 years together and it might be over soon as well. I know how you feel but I sure as hell wont blame myself only if we do.

The bad thing about this is, she has you blaming yourself. Everything is your fault, last time I remember their were 2 people in a relationship. Get back on your feet and move on, sorry I know you dont want to hear it, but its time to move on and let go.

[JUICE]

I hope the best for you juice, I really do. I dont know how to do that fancy quotes, so bare with me :druggie:

on point 2 you made, you pretty much were a faithful good guy towards her, and anytime you said something that she may disagree with, she treats you like shit. No one is perfect, your going to make her angry she needs to calm the hell down with the attitude.

she was like that with her family too. So within time I started backing off when she I knew she was in a bad mood. Stuff like that. Attitude, both of ours is/was bad.

On point 3, your already going to finish school in the summer, she cant wait for the guy she is dating for 3 years, whats one semester more to her???? p.s, 9 bucks isnt so bad for a college student ;)

I guess it was all influence from her friends. Most of her friends are married and some of them thier bf's with full time job and money. But heres the catch, none of them have an education nor degree. Which means some are on low wage but shitloads of hours. Some have careers but no school. I want the degree and the money. She told me once that all her friends bf/husbands had good jobs and would take them out here and there. I told her about my plans and dreams. But she is not going to find a guy like me ever.

She told you " she wanted to be single because no worries or pressure, not having to call a BF". That sounds like a girl that doesnt want a relationship with anyone, she wants to enjoy her "freedom", she got into a new lifestyle, some girls change, nothing you can do about it bro. People break up everyday,me and my girlfriend, we have nearly 8 years together and it might be over soon as well. I know how you feel but I sure as hell wont blame myself only if we do.

I blame influnce on this one big time. She has a chick friend whos life is fucked up right now. She cheats on husband, husband kicks her ass. Shes been hanging out with some 20 year old immature girl (dont mean to offend anyone), and some new friends shes met. They all wanna go out since thier single and stuff. They try to take her out and she goes with them. I know one must be stupid enough to follow. I guess all the pressure from me being the way I was made her go out and enjoy herself. In the past, all her bad influence I got rid of fast. If I didnt like anyone, I was blunt and told them, "Hey I dont like you, lay off her". Boom they were gone. But these bitches she hangs out with are acums, low lifes. Yeah they dress nice and all, some good lookin but thier shits.
She will realize who are her close people sooner or later.

The bad thing about this is, she has you blaming yourself. Everything is your fault, last time I remember their were 2 people in a relationship. Get back on your feet and move on, sorry I know you dont want to hear it, but its time to move on and let go.

Hey buddy, I gotta admit, its my fault too bro. Theres time that I tend to become a party pooper, not wanting to go out. Times im pissed off all day, take it out on people. Stuff like that. But in heart im a good guy, I'd give anything to help others. You need help, im the first one there.
I just can't let go of this one bro. Shes special, I know theres something there but i cannot get it right now.

If things do go well, Im gonna do what Ive always wantedo to do and give her a ring. Im not letting this one go. By next year, I will have my career job if it all goes well.

[trip]

Oh man, juice, welcome to the "The Wide World of Life"

Everyone has big ups and downs.

Overall gotta say you seem to be a 100% better person because of this. Those points you brought up and acknowledge were huge, just huge.

The ability to sit down and have self-reflection on one's own life, is something a majority of people never even consider. Plus, the fact you have a good eye on the future.

You're 4 points over time, as you noticed were not changing, and maybe getting a little worse. It just become to overwhelming for her in the long run, more pain then pleasure.

Trust is a big issue, and trust is underneath each one of those points. IMHO, you trust yourself completely in lot's of area's, area's that you have control over. You're confident how you will handle a cycle completely, how successful you will be in school, you're nutrition and lifting.

Notice, these are all items you SEE and HEAR daily, which just confirms to you your own confidence.

Notice II, when see is not around you obviously you can't SEE & HEAR things to confirm your confidence, thus your mind tends to think of BAD SHIT that will happen, and then you get a tad stressed and start to get some re-assurance.

Most folks tend to focus on "What Folks Do Wrong" this type of thinking pushes people away.

Start to "Focus on What Folks Do Right" and you will begin to get an understanding of human nature over time, and develope a good sense of trust with others.

Also, just like you , you need to understand that everyone here on earth STRUGGLES.
We tend to think oh this guys or gal has it better or think they do etc. Yet, deep down inside we are pretty much all the same we have struggles and we have all kinds of smart ways, stupid ways, weird ways, and just plain out of this world ways on how we handle our struggles.

Try not to think ill of others because they do not handle thier struggles how you would.

Each and everyone of us has had a different past, and a decidedly different future, which is what makes us unique.

Like everything else, cliched as hell, this too shall pass.

No one can predict the future and how things will turn out, yet, best bet continue to do what you do, let her spread her wings fly a little, she is not a bad person, has not done bad stupid things in the past, and there really is no reason like a light switch one day she will wake up be turned on and start doing dumb stupid things, most folks just aren't like that.

You're both young and learning about life, and from all appearances both doing it very well.

Gotta have a little bad to appreciate the good.

Hope That Helped
Good Luck

[JUICE]

Oh man, juice, welcome to the "The Wide World of Life"

Everyone has big ups and downs.

Overall gotta say you seem to be a 100% better person because of this. Those points you brought up and acknowledge were huge, just huge.

The ability to sit down and have self-reflection on one's own life, is something a majority of people never even consider. Plus, the fact you have a good eye on the future.

You're 4 points over time, as you noticed were not changing, and maybe getting a little worse. It just become to overwhelming for her in the long run, more pain then pleasure.

Trust is a big issue, and trust is underneath each one of those points. IMHO, you trust yourself completely in lot's of area's, area's that you have control over. You're confident how you will handle a cycle completely, how successful you will be in school, you're nutrition and lifting.

Notice, these are all items you SEE and HEAR daily, which just confirms to you your own confidence.

Notice II, when see is not around you obviously you can't SEE & HEAR things to confirm your confidence, thus your mind tends to think of BAD SHIT that will happen, and then you get a tad stressed and start to get some re-assurance.

Most folks tend to focus on "What Folks Do Wrong" this type of thinking pushes people away.

Start to "Focus on What Folks Do Right" and you will begin to get an understanding of human nature over time, and develope a good sense of trust with others.

Also, just like you , you need to understand that everyone here on earth STRUGGLES.
We tend to think oh this guys or gal has it better or think they do etc. Yet, deep down inside we are pretty much all the same we have struggles and we have all kinds of smart ways, stupid ways, weird ways, and just plain out of this world ways on how we handle our struggles.

Try not to think ill of others because they do not handle thier struggles how you would.

Each and everyone of us has had a different past, and a decidedly different future, which is what makes us unique.

Like everything else, cliched as hell, this too shall pass.

No one can predict the future and how things will turn out, yet, best bet continue to do what you do, let her spread her wings fly a little, she is not a bad person, has not done bad stupid things in the past, and there really is no reason like a light switch one day she will wake up be turned on and start doing dumb stupid things, most folks just aren't like that.

You're both young and learning about life, and from all appearances both doing it very well.

Gotta have a little bad to appreciate the good.

Hope That Helped
Good Luck

thanks brother.

[Puddles]

Some people need to spend a lot of time with their friends, not just their partners. It's in their personality to do so, and to restrict that will may you seem like a father to her more than a lover and confidant. Trust her to make wise choices and learn from her mistakes. Be encouraging and understanding. Do something for yourself alone every day to give you plesaure. Allow her to be your friend. Be happy for her when she's happy doing something without you.

With a temporary break in your usual dating, in a few months you two may come to the decision that you should be together again but take it slow and work on developing a normal trust/friendship relationship as the first building blocks to a solid relationships foundation. If she invites you out to hang with her friends, do it! You're her friend and if given the chance I bet you could focus on good things about her friends you don't really like if given enough time to get to know them. They may not be your first choices for friends but they are hers and it's really much more fun when everyone gets along.

If things don't reconcile, then take with you for the rest of your life the wonderful memories and learn from mistakes so you don't repeat them.

The earliest years of a relationship are the toughest, especially if you're young, still going to school, and making little money. I admire you sticking with school for so long, not everyone is willing to sacrifice a little now for their long term future...a very important thing to do as youth dissapears quickly and before you know it you're looking at retirement.

Good luck, hun. Please don't focus on the blame but just learn how to positively respond to situations in the future.

[JUICE]

Some people need to spend a lot of time with their friends, not just their partners. It's in their personality to do so, and to restrict that will may you seem like a father to her more than a lover and confidant. Trust her to make wise choices and learn from her mistakes. Be encouraging and understanding. Do something for yourself alone every day to give you plesaure. Allow her to be your friend. Be happy for her when she's happy doing something without you.

With a temporary break in your usual dating, in a few months you two may come to the decision that you should be together again but take it slow and work on developing a normal trust/friendship relationship as the first building blocks to a solid relationships foundation. If she invites you out to hang with her friends, do it! You're her friend and if given the chance I bet you could focus on good things about her friends you don't really like if given enough time to get to know them. They may not be your first choices for friends but they are hers and it's really much more fun when everyone gets along.

If things don't reconcile, then take with you for the rest of your life the wonderful memories and learn from mistakes so you don't repeat them.

The earliest years of a relationship are the toughest, especially if you're young, still going to school, and making little money. I admire you sticking with school for so long, not everyone is willing to sacrifice a little now for their long term future...a very important thing to do as youth dissapears quickly and before you know it you're looking at retirement.

Good luck, hun. Please don't focus on the blame but just learn how to positively respond to situations in the future.

thanks for the kind words Puddles. Yeah for now im just gonna focus on myself, keeping busy cause if i think too much about it its gonna kill me.

If things go well between us, because we talk good. Probably see each other once a week or so. But time will tell.

[beefcake]

Juice bro, do whatever you can to keep your mind off the situation and to not dwell on it. Go out with friends. Surround yourself with things to do. See her whenever you can, but don't force things. Let them just happen and take there course. Things will just fall into place. Take it day by day, but keep your head up man. Move on, not saying let her go and forget her, but to move on with your life and do what you gotta do, don't screw your life up thinking about her all the time. Take her out every once in a while and spend time, but like I said before, don't make waves bro.

[JUICE]

Juice bro, do whatever you can to keep your mind off the situation and to not dwell on it. Go out with friends. Surround yourself with things to do. See her whenever you can, but don't force things. Let them just happen and take there course. Things will just fall into place. Take it day by day, but keep your head up man. Move on, not saying let her go and forget her, but to move on with your life and do what you gotta do, don't screw your life up thinking about her all the time. Take her out every once in a while and spend time, but like I said before, don't make waves bro.

i hear u bro. Im trying to keep busy with my things now.



Would it be bad if ive been talking to her once a day. Not even more than 20 minutes, probably the less has been 2 minutes. We talk like as if normal. She picks on me, calls me nicknames, like the way we used to before. But theres a wall the separates us by me knowing not to call her things such as babe, nor try to bust moves on her. I spoke ot her a while ago for about 10 minutes. Probably tomorrow nor Wednesday I will not call her, dont want her to get bored or frustrated with me.

[beefcake]

i hear u bro. Im trying to keep busy with my things now.



Would it be bad if ive been talking to her once a day. Not even more than 20 minutes, probably the less has been 2 minutes. We talk like as if normal. She picks on me, calls me nicknames, like the way we used to before. But theres a wall the separates us by me knowing not to call her things such as babe, nor try to bust moves on her. I spoke ot her a while ago for about 10 minutes. Probably tomorrow nor Wednesday I will not call her, dont want her to get bored or frustrated with me.

That's all good. Don't lose touch or the connection. Just don't overwhelm her with the things that used to be. Just carry on like you do as normal and be friends for now. Sooner or later that wall will chip away. It takes time, she may just need that break for now, but as long as you're still there, but not pressuring her and just being a cool person to be around, it'll all work out bro. Don't sweat it too much. You're still in a good position.

[Shibby]

Juice, I have been reading through this and one thing has popped out at me. You talk about how you need her back to fill the lonelyness. I just want you think about what's best for you. Have you taken the time to see if getting her back is what you need, not what you want? Like I told you before, you two got together at a pretty young age, her espeacially. We change everday and the relationships the last are the ones that change together. But at that age it's rare. My ex and I were both 17 when we got together, after 3+ years we had both changed but slighty towards each of our intrests which didn't match. It's a whole other world outside highschool, so it takes different things to hold a relationship together than before. Best of luck to you and remember change isn't always bad, but it is inevitable.