I need it more / she doesn't

[helix139]

I've been married to wonderful girl for 14 years and love her to death, but the sex isn't frequent enough. She isn't passionate enough during sex either. On top of this she could go without sex for weeks. This has been an ongoing issue that she knows about and has been willing to try and change.
No childhood trauma. Normal upbringing with both parents and she has great values...goes to church almost every Sunday. (maybe that's the problem.) Unbelieveably, she didn't masturbate until I investigated about 4 years ago when the same problem came up. (Lack of sex / lack of passion!)
When asked why she didn't play with herself she says "I don't know, I just don't think about it." So I helped her out and showed her how to pleasure herself, and I bought many books about relationships and succcessful sex during marriage. So she had sort of an awakening; which was great. Since then she has been more adventurous with sex...more into role playing, fantasizing during sex, dirty talk, etc, but now it seems we're going thru the same rut again.
She rolled her eyes at me last pm when I said I needed her for love making (different than fucking) and that she wanted to shower and go to sleep.
We are both working adults and I know how tiring it is to work and take care of two children. I work weekends and take care of both kids and she during the week. (This a big problem for intimate moments; we are never together without the kids!)
And I know she would never cheat on me!
Why is sex for her a chore?
Why doesn't she like sex?
Is anyone else in the same boat?
What is the answer?
What can I do?
thanks for any help!

[Control]

It's just life bro. Most women aren't as sexual as men. It sucks even worse when you're on gear and you're even hornier than usual.....I wish I had an answer.

[ROCKILLER]

I'm in a similar situation. Imagine being 24. My girl and I have been together for 4 years and we have sex frequently but sometimes I feel like she is not as into it as I am. The big thing with women is that they are relaxed and not stressing. My girl is in school and just got promoted to manager at her job so when school is on she gets all stressed and isnt as into it as much. I imagine its the same with having kids but worse. My girl also isnt very adventurous but I'm working on it. She had a few drinks the other night and I got a big treat when I got home. What I'm saying is, keep working on it but try not to bug her about sex so often, it just pisses them off. Try getting her in the mood with a backrub or something.

[coffee-guy]

Tell her to see a doctor - other than that - quit bugging her...

When all else fails you can use the following advice from a very smart man....

I jerk off. HEll I jerk off when she is in town, at the house, in the next room. I don't care I'll jerk off next her while she is asleep and nut on her eyes so when she wakes up in the morning she'll look like a newborn kitten.

[BBAddict]

When all else fails you can use the following advice from a very smart man....

that was hilarious!!

[meat12]

^

lol That is hysterical

[coffee-guy]

Only you fog_hat, only you...lol

:P

Hey - I gave him solid advice at first...

[helix139]

All great advise from everyone! It's great to post and not get flamed when you are asking for help...love this board.
I'll try everything you guys posted...We do need a regular babysitter to get out more. We get trapped into "making more money" and forget the important stuff.

[Puddles]

Aside from what was mentioned above, she could also have her hormone levels checked. She can go to her GYN and complain that her drive is low and she's more tired than usual. He can run a few tests and see where she is at. Get her testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone levels all checked.

I've had pretty much the opposite problem as your wife and when my levels were recently checked they were pretty out of wack for a girl.


Another thing, one of the reasons people masturbate or make love is for the pleasurable release they get from the orgasm. It is possible that your wife has never experienced an orgasm and is too embarrassed to tell you. Without that pleasurable release why be interested in sex?

[helix139]

We got the rabbit a few years back and she came like 5 times that night! So she knows what the big o is. Getting the levels checked sounds right.

[Pudgy-R]

"women need a reason to have sex, guys just need a place" - billy crystal.

Purely a guess, but i would say something in her life or your lives togethor is making her not feel as sexy as she could, or not as close to you as she could. It doesnt have to be something external , alot of times it can be a self esteem issue, a few extra pounds, aging, whatever. I would talk to her about it seriously honestly and openly (if it is self esteem your gonna need to tell her you realize that you could be the problem and you love her and want both of you to be as happy as possible for her to open up) I would do this before ever asking her to see a doctor, if she feels less for any reason making it sound like she has a medical problem will only hurt her more. Good Luck and remember if it is something your doing, even if you dont mean to it still makes her feel how it makes her feel so keep an open mind.

[helix139]

She gets up at 545 each am to go run and work out and then works a full time job and then comes home to take over child care from me. She's a busy woman and we have short term goals for her to reduce her hours. This should work...right now the sex is better.

[malibu barbie]

Some birth control pills lower sex drive.

[The_Grinder]

I'm having a very similar problem. Only difference is, me and my girl are both 19 year old college students, and have been together for just 3 years. It makes me a little more nervous though, cuz we should be in our sexual prime. She used to be horny constantly before she got into college. When she started college, she also started a job. (Which she gets pretty stressed about) I think its just stress for my girlfriend, and it sounds like its the same thing with your wife. I think I'm just going to ride it out, and hope she is just going through a phase. Post a reply and let us know if things get better. I'd love to here what changed to help out. Good luck!

[Puddles]

I'm having a very similar problem. Only difference is, me and my girl are both 19 year old college students, and have been together for just 3 years. It makes me a little more nervous though, cuz we should be in our sexual prime. She used to be horny constantly before she got into college. When she started college, she also started a job. (Which she gets pretty stressed about) I think its just stress for my girlfriend, and it sounds like its the same thing with your wife. I think I'm just going to ride it out, and hope she is just going through a phase. Post a reply and let us know if things get better. I'd love to here what changed to help out. Good luck!

You're in your sexual prime now...she won't be there till she's in her 30's. Mother nature is cruel.