jokes

[babyblues]

A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.

Old Man:

"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands, piled it for months. But do they call me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."

Then the old man gestured at the bar.

"Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGregor-the-Bar-builder?

Nooo..."

Then the old man points out the window.

"Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo... "

Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention.

"But ya fuck one sheep ..."

[babyblues]

One afternoon, a Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves and both of their barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.

The Admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that crap on me. My wife will think I've been in a brothel!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

[babyblues]

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

"There is three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

[babyblues]

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby turns to him and says, "Sir if you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today".

[babyblues]

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

[babyblues]

bumperstickers

This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one yet.

I tried to snort coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Mustache rides 5 cents

So many pedestrians, so little time

You are the object of my ERECTION!

If a couple divorce in Kentucky, are they still brother and sister?

Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.

It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship

If you say one more word, I'm going to put my umbrella your ass and open it.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

Die Yuppie Scum.

I would rather be spanking my monkey.

Where There's A Whip, There's A Way.

The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock

Guns are no more responsible for killing people than the spoon is responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.

[babyblues]

:ghey:

post whore:D

Yes!!!! Finally!!!!! :laughnew:

[babyblues]

What, that I'm fucking with you:D Dude, I'm not a prick(sometimes I am) and I don't hold grudges either;)

No, I'm finally a post whore. :D