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1. A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
2. At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
3. At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
4. At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
5. At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
6. At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
7. Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
8. Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
9. Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
10. In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
11. In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
12. In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
13. In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
14. In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
15. In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
16. In a PA cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
17. In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
18. In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
19. In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
20. In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
21. In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
22. In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
23. Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
24. On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
25. On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
26. On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.
27. On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
28. On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission
29. Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
30. Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.
31. Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
32. Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
33. This was seen on a car being towed by a large motor home: I go where I'm towed to.
2. At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
3. At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
4. At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
5. At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
6. At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
7. Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
8. Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
9. Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
10. In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
11. In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.
12. In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
13. In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
14. In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
15. In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
16. In a PA cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
17. In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
18. In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
19. In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
20. In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
21. In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
22. In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
23. Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
24. On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
25. On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
26. On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.
27. On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
28. On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission
29. Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
30. Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.
31. Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
32. Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
33. This was seen on a car being towed by a large motor home: I go where I'm towed to.
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