Family

[Mr I]

So I've got this nephew thats about to turn 17, he was born while him mum was still living at home with me my sister and mum. Of course we have all since moved out.

Not saying he's had it easy (single mum and all) but since he turned like 14 he's been snorting shit up his nose, smoking the weed en all. Those things in isolation might be a concern but they're massively outweighed by his fucking stinking attitude.

He now lives with my mum, his gran, since he can't get on with my sister and she's pushed him on my mum since she can't cope with him.

when he was 16 and I visited my mums house his attitude was that bad I picked him up half naked and threw him out the home and his clothes after him not saying I was proud of that at all, I felt really guilty as he walked off saying what he was gonna have done to me and shit LOL

the thing is everyone in that town knows me and I gerally left with a good reputation, now the kid's getting jobs cos the employers knew me (not neccassarily in an employee capacity), just construction labour etc, and every time they're sacking him because he just swans around, asks how much he's getting paid and doesn't want to work like everyone else.

Its really bugging me how old freinds keep phoning me up to tell me what a lazy bum my nephew is, it makes me angry but at the same time I love him cos he'd family and remember looking after him as a baby. I want to phone him up and talk to him but I'm afraid he'll get all arrogant and I'll get mad

:rolleyes:

[Shibby]

It's going to come down to breaking him from his current lifestyle. No more hanging around and talking to the people he does. Maybe even a reloction of sorts where he can't communicate with his old life.

[FitnessBrat]

You're mad already - you probably aren't going to get any madder, right?

I think you should call him. Maybe he has a hard time without any men in his life. Does he have a father around?

Remember - he's 17 - he's going to have an attitude - but if you want to help him you have to look beyond the teenage attitude and try to reach out to him.....

[babyblues]

It doesn't sound like he's had much in the way of discipline. Maybe he needs someone to tell him what's appropriate behavior and what's not, as opposed to just telling him that he's lazy and firing him. I think that every child has an instinctual need to know where his boundaries are. When they don't get that instruction/direction from a father or father figure they start acting out trying to elicite that reaction from someone....anyone. That's how powerful that need is. I don't think it's something that they do on a conscious level.

You have to talk to him. He's probably going to get arrogant. So what. I wonder if that's not his defense mechanism to see who really cares and who doesn't. He's not going to like being "told what to do" but what kid actually enjoys discipline? In the end it will do him a world of good. He's begging someone in this world to love him enough to risk having to deal with his arrogance in order to help him.

[bad14u]

He needs someone to step up and be the father figure in his life, be it you or a counselor. It is gonna take some tough love to get him out of the funk he is in. He has been able to be to bum off the family for so long now that it will be hard to get him past this stage so be prepared for a fight from this kid. There has got to be programs there to help kids his age so I would look into that.

[Mr I]

Thanks guys, I think your right and I'll be seeing him in a week or so, I'll take him to one side. Its just difficult because I live a few hundred miles away now and don't the the family so regular. I can see whats going wrong and it does relate to the lack of authority, regular father figure. Also I agree that he might be reaching out. I just don't want it to be like every time he sees me it means trouble, but hey stuff needs saying!

I'll have to wait till I see him since if I've called before he just says 'well you don't live here anymore, you left ages ago so you havn't got a clue'

Leaves me feeling Guilty and getting knowhere

[bad14u]

Yeah Bro...you have to do this ASAP. He won't see it now but in the years to come he will thank you over and over. If you don't do anything and something happens to him, you will hate yourself for it.

[SonofBone]

Not to be a downer and not saying you can't straighten him out, but he has to want to be helped. In his eyes, he may really enjoy his lifestyle. It may not be one you agree with, but if it is what he enjoys, you're not going to get far with him. I'd suggest keeping that in mind when you talk to him, so tread lightly. If he seems unhappy and open to help, then maybe you can help guide him. However, if he takes the stance of "who in the fuck do you think you are", then your best bet will be to just let him know if he everything needs anything or wants to talk that you'll be there for him.

I was faced with the same situation that he was in and Fitness Brat is correct that children need a male figure in their lives. Not very proud to say but I lived with my mom until I was 12. She had lost control over me because I was starting to turn into a punk, she had to work late every night, and I knew I could run all over her. I was making D's in school. Fortunately for me, we had a little falling out and she told me to go live with my dad. He was immediately on my case and turned me into an A student. If that hadn't occurred, I was headed towards a life full of trouble.

Obviously, the difference here was that I had no choice. I lived with him and he wouldn't accept anything less than my best. If I would've had to see him only occasionally, I would've continued my mischevious ways and not been too concerned about having to deal with him. While I was living with him, I was afraid of him, and if I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I knew I would have hell to pay. Respecting a parent is always good and sometimes fearing them is even better.

Best of luck with your nephew. You seem to be thinking through things carefully and approaching it with an open mind which is definitely helpful.

[Mr I]

Not to be a downer and not saying you can't straighten him out, but he has to want to be helped. In his eyes, he may really enjoy his lifestyle. It may not be one you agree with, but if it is what he enjoys, you're not going to get far with him. I'd suggest keeping that in mind when you talk to him, so tread lightly. If he seems unhappy and open to help, then maybe you can help guide him. However, if he takes the stance of "who in the fuck do you think you are", then your best bet will be to just let him know if he everything needs anything or wants to talk that you'll be there for him.

I was faced with the same situation that he was in and Fitness Brat is correct that children need a male figure in their lives. Not very proud to say but I lived with my mom until I was 12. She had lost control over me because I was starting to turn into a punk, she had to work late every night, and I knew I could run all over her. I was making D's in school. Fortunately for me, we had a little falling out and she told me to go live with my dad. He was immediately on my case and turned me into an A student. If that hadn't occurred, I was headed towards a life full of trouble.

Obviously, the difference here was that I had no choice. I lived with him and he wouldn't accept anything less than my best. If I would've had to see him only occasionally, I would've continued my mischevious ways and not been too concerned about having to deal with him. While I was living with him, I was afraid of him, and if I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I knew I would have hell to pay. Respecting a parent is always good and sometimes fearing them is even better.

Best of luck with your nephew. You seem to be thinking through things carefully and approaching it with an open mind which is definitely helpful.

I think thats right on the button bro, thanks

[njjuicer]

id smack the mutha fucker but i am an asshole and really dont give a shit bout peoples feelings and all tha tnonesnece

[NYCmitch25]

^lol