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"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
"God bless those pagans."
"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."
"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."
"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"
"Trying is the first step towards failure."
"Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them." (to aliens who abducted Simpson family)
"I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaaaaaming."
"And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned."
"Being popular is the most important thing in the world!"
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."
"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such ."
"Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."
"Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems
"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
"God bless those pagans."
"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."
"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."
"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"
"Trying is the first step towards failure."
"Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them." (to aliens who abducted Simpson family)
"I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaaaaaming."
"And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned."
"Being popular is the most important thing in the world!"
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."
"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such ."
"Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."
"Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems
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