Checking in

[the art of war]

I gotta be honest if I didn't have good people around me atm I would just fucking chop my legs off.. each day I keep hoping to wake up w/out some of these symptoms (really just the RLS the rest like i said ill cope) but it lingers. Being able to post about this might seem self centered but I first found this board for help starting to train and I came back because the people here actually gave 2 shits, it has been one of the few bright spots on my days.

[FitnessBrat]

Doesn't sound self-centered at all. It's sort of like a "journal" into your life/struggle. I find it incredibly interesting to be honest, and I'm glad to hear that just posting can help in some small way!

[Bouncer]

I gotta be honest if I didn't have good people around me atm I would just fucking chop my legs off.. each day I keep hoping to wake up w/out some of these symptoms (really just the RLS the rest like i said ill cope) but it lingers. Being able to post about this might seem self centered but I first found this board for help starting to train and I came back because the people here actually gave 2 shits, it has been one of the few bright spots on my days.

you come back because of me. :hibb:

[Mr I]

Everyone on here suffers in the gym and its the perfect example of where sacrifice can pay dividends, you have to work at anything, you have to rest as well of course. But what I mean is sometimes life gets tough but for every tough moment there's a moment of satisfaction somewhere down the line when you achieved something. So post all you like on what your doing for all I care its inspiring to hear your working through something

[the art of war]

you come back because of me. :hibb:

stop hitting on me because we like tropic thunder :thumup:

I have journaled everything from day one going cold and plan to write up a docujournal type deal... I know ill post it in a few other forums(narcotic specifically) and anyone who wants to read it when this shit is said and done is more than welcome

[the art of war]

I'm going to the gym, if I'm posting in 20 minutes somebody come to boston and fucking pile drive me.

[the art of war]

well I can honestly say that bodybuilding in general is the best medicine, the push to just go was harder than anything.. Its actually been good this week being so damn drained it makes me focus hard on the motion not the weights and I have been getting results that I'm plenty content with all things considered. Get this tho.. fucking faggot fitness delivers 20 pizzas on mondays lol... every tough guy in there with fake lats goes munching away on slices and each other.

[the art of war]

just got back from docs ... got ekg, blood ... everything done basically, I will continue this for the next 6 months every month once a month. I cannot emphasize enough how much having a doctor who you are open with and who cares about your well being matters in life.. this is a more drastic scenario but it's a good thing to remember, it took a couple hours to do it all but only because the ekg machine kept giving these faulty readings so they had to bring me to a whole new room and then it instantly gave solid readings. Or the other machine was right and I'm dead :P

[the art of war]

I got a chance to talk to my doctor again today and I talked to her about the fact that when I was getting the EKG's done I was totally in a state of ketosis (if not actually starving for all I knew) which explains why the third reading kept on coming out irregular. This is definitely a relief for me, the last thing you want on your mind coming off of this shit is that some OTHER health is coming up. As far as how it's going, I'm almost at two weeks and I am understanding more and more about how this works, days 1-4 the half life of the methadome was still active enough that while I felt bad I was in no way shape or form in the condition I'm in now. I've taken all the advice to heart and stayed mentally as focussed on the positive as possible, and I also am making myself eat complex carbs no matter how little it can be at one time and that has taking my headaches away for the most part. However, I can see why so many people cannot hack this.. you get to about 8-12 days and cannot imagine it getting much worse. Well I now know that I don't have a lick of opiate in me as I am experiencing worst physical w/ds (intense stomach pains, sweating in AC freezing in a sauna, all the rest minus the RLS, thank god). My doctor told me to call at anytime if I felt like I was going to kill myself, kinda shocked me but I found out from a few of my friends that they knew people who pushed thru a lot of the mental but found the physical literally drove them nutty and they ended their lives sadly. I'm very grateful that I have a good amount of support at home and this board has given me much more than I could return. It could well be up to another week - 10 days before it's fully done with but at this point it's black and white, I made up my mind and thats that, I am finally at peace in that regard, now I just need a hot tub :D

[the art of war]

Ate 4 meals today, all smaller than what I wanted but I have slept for the first naturally again and my body is starting to catch up w/my mind... I lifted did low impact for 30 minutes today and felt like I never wanted to leave, only thing holding me from just bringing a sleeping bag now is the fact I don't want to be over training. Mornings still suck, I wake up runny nose and very dizzy / sick to shit in the stomach. I make myself eat my oatmeal and bananas and now I've managed to add back in the shakes(i was just pukin em back up before). I can feel a lot of shackles coming off and I'm getting more and more back into the mindset that I crave.

[Konitz]

Ate 4 meals today, all smaller than what I wanted but I have slept for the first naturally again and my body is starting to catch up w/my mind... I lifted did low impact for 30 minutes today and felt like I never wanted to leave, only thing holding me from just bringing a sleeping bag now is the fact I don't want to be over training. Mornings still suck, I wake up runny nose and very dizzy / sick to shit in the stomach. I make myself eat my oatmeal and bananas and now I've managed to add back in the shakes(i was just pukin em back up before). I can feel a lot of shackles coming off and I'm getting more and more back into the mindset that I crave.

Very good to see you improving, make sure you stick with keeping all the demons away.

[the art of war]

Very good to see you improving, make sure you stick with keeping all the demons away.

Over the course of the last two weeks I've been around narcotics, I've seen people slam down right in front of me and try to call themselves my friends, I just walked out and told them when they are ready to call me and I will be there for them as much I can be. I know it's hard to believe this because EVERY addict at one point says "man I've kicked for good now" and atleast in my state I know the relapse rate at my clinic was 93% - well I am the fuckin 7% and I would rather die at this point then go back to the life I lived. Sometimes being a stubborn fuck has ruined me, this time it is saving me. (btw I did not by any intentions put myself in a spot where people would be using.. just part of the life of cutting off ties I guess, ppl have visitted me and ask if they can shoot up, it's mind boggling but I just feel sad.. I was that person not too long ago).

[FitnessBrat]

Over the course of the last two weeks I've been around narcotics, I've seen people slam down right in front of me and try to call themselves my friends, I just walked out and told them when they are ready to call me and I will be there for them as much I can be. I know it's hard to believe this because EVERY addict at one point says "man I've kicked for good now" and atleast in my state I know the relapse rate at my clinic was 93% - well I am the fuckin 7% and I would rather die at this point then go back to the life I lived. Sometimes being a stubborn fuck has ruined me, this time it is saving me. (btw I did not by any intentions put myself in a spot where people would be using.. just part of the life of cutting off ties I guess, ppl have visitted me and ask if they can shoot up, it's mind boggling but I just feel sad.. I was that person not too long ago).

I can imagine you probably have to cut 95% of your "friends" out of your life. They will no longer be of any "use" to you, or you to them, most likely. It's sad, but necessary. Your stubborness rocks! :thumup:

[the art of war]

I can imagine you probably have to cut 95% of your "friends" out of your life. They will no longer be of any "use" to you, or you to them, most likely. It's sad, but necessary. Your stubborness rocks! :thumup:

It's not a tough cut to make, as you put it, "friends"... lol, I will say that harm reduction is something I have researched a good deal and have managed to stop one girl I used to date (at least to my knowledge, all addiction leads to being a con artist, we all know this) from really going overboard. She has a chronic pain condition but keeps going on these, as she will call them, "mini binges". I asked her why and she told me she just uses them on the weekend because otherwise she "cannot go out because of my anxiety and depression". I gave her a boatload of stuff to read (she was actually having a dope hangover from binging a lil too long) so she read it and I told her straight up that if she doesn't stop doing these binges, sooner or later, the weekend will be monday, monday will be tuesday .. etc, I will be very sad if she winds up some alley w/black tar but I am in contact w/her daily and asking how she is doing and all seems well.

[the art of war]

This shit does not ever seem to stop fucking with you both mentally and physically, driving me nuts atm... I understand the way these drugs work and weeks 3-4 can be a comedown for some, for others it's when the body is most ditached from the opiate and a fresh new set of symptoms like to creep in. Seems like the only thing that keeps going is the stubborn fuck off to the instant gratifcation that used to run my life.