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I went to my local Stop & Shop earlier today, only to find out just HOW MUCH I hate people.. Here's my banter:
1. I really don' tlike walking into the store, only to be blocked by a fat, ugly, cow of a woman.. Wearing an outfit made to fit Kate Moss, yet she appears to have swallowed 3 waif supermodels.. You try to get around her, yet she either starts checkin' you out, or she thinks you're checking her out.. YUCK! I came to get food, much like you did, only difference, my food will last me afew days, not hours..
2. I hate it when people let their kids run free in the supermarket.. I mean, there's no sign that says "We welcome destructive little shits to run around and terrorize customers!" Keep them on a leash, or in the damn car..
3. I hate it when you find what you need/want, but all the cheaper product is gone.. I mean, $1.39 for a fucking can of tuna is insane!! Does catching a dolphin make it more expensive? Did the dolphin screw the tuna, making a cross-bred fish that's more plentifull? I think not, give me the .89 cans, asshole!
4. Why is all canned meat expensive? Some ballsack felt that canned tuna was too common, so invent canned beef, chicken, ham, turkey, donkey dick, and mark up the price! Fuck you! Canned meat, regardless what kind of meat, shouldn't cost $1.99 for a damn 2 serving can.. I eat the whole can when I eat it.. I'm sorry, but a damn 15g protein ain't worth $1.99..
5. Ever notice all the "Health foods" are hidden from everything else? There's a dark corner of the store where the Rice Dream, Silk, Veggie Slices, and all that says "I'm good for you!" is tucked away.. That fat lady that thought I liked her in the halter top probably complained that the tofu was blocking the twinkies..
6. You know who really needs food poisoning? The jack-offs who load up their carriage with shit they don't need, yet you do, and you find them dumping it into another isle as you curse them 3 isles away.. Funny thing, the sign says Peanut Butter, not Canned Yams!! This dickhead should slip on a strategically placed package of summer sausage, and fall head first on a broken jar of cow penis..
7. Another freak that deserves to be stabbed to death with a cocktail toothpick: the asshole master chef who worries about how much olive oil you buy, whether it's virgin, extra light, extra virgin.. Look pal, I'm not your date.. I'll make your anus extra wide after shovein' this bottle up your ass! Here's how $5.99 feels, you prick!
8. Another clown that deserves a public hanging... The ball sweat that works there! Dumb beyond all imagination... You mean, you work here, yet you don't know what a fucking bagel is? Thanks for making my life alot less significant, my IQ 5 points lower, and my views on suicide abit more pronounced.. Suicide as in, I would like to help you try it sometime..
9. Another abomination that deserves to be disembowled with a wooden kitchen spoon: yet another grossly fat person, who unpacks their cart in line before you, then forgets the 5lb tub of lard(no, not their kid) they need to bake for their dinner party..
One, you don't need to have a dinner party.. Youlook as though you've been to one too many.. Two, you really don't need lard, your heart is having enough trouble.. Then again, run to the lard, please, do me that favor.. Run with your hands in your pockets, Tubby!
10. The freaking baggers!! This used prophylactic is way down at register 2 bagging in the express lane, I got Jabba the Hut infront of me with enough food to feed half our troops in Iraq, and the poor checkout girl is trying to force the greasy purchase into plastic bags while gummo here critiques her skill.. Uh, Porky.. Bag it yourself, ya slob!
I'm relieved to make it out alive, or without commiting murder.. I think it's safe to say next time, i'll bag my own shit... Those used tampons get paid entirely too much to crush my eggs with canned goods.. Could be worse, they could be stoned reading this like I am! :agree:
1. I really don' tlike walking into the store, only to be blocked by a fat, ugly, cow of a woman.. Wearing an outfit made to fit Kate Moss, yet she appears to have swallowed 3 waif supermodels.. You try to get around her, yet she either starts checkin' you out, or she thinks you're checking her out.. YUCK! I came to get food, much like you did, only difference, my food will last me afew days, not hours..
2. I hate it when people let their kids run free in the supermarket.. I mean, there's no sign that says "We welcome destructive little shits to run around and terrorize customers!" Keep them on a leash, or in the damn car..
3. I hate it when you find what you need/want, but all the cheaper product is gone.. I mean, $1.39 for a fucking can of tuna is insane!! Does catching a dolphin make it more expensive? Did the dolphin screw the tuna, making a cross-bred fish that's more plentifull? I think not, give me the .89 cans, asshole!
4. Why is all canned meat expensive? Some ballsack felt that canned tuna was too common, so invent canned beef, chicken, ham, turkey, donkey dick, and mark up the price! Fuck you! Canned meat, regardless what kind of meat, shouldn't cost $1.99 for a damn 2 serving can.. I eat the whole can when I eat it.. I'm sorry, but a damn 15g protein ain't worth $1.99..
5. Ever notice all the "Health foods" are hidden from everything else? There's a dark corner of the store where the Rice Dream, Silk, Veggie Slices, and all that says "I'm good for you!" is tucked away.. That fat lady that thought I liked her in the halter top probably complained that the tofu was blocking the twinkies..
6. You know who really needs food poisoning? The jack-offs who load up their carriage with shit they don't need, yet you do, and you find them dumping it into another isle as you curse them 3 isles away.. Funny thing, the sign says Peanut Butter, not Canned Yams!! This dickhead should slip on a strategically placed package of summer sausage, and fall head first on a broken jar of cow penis..
7. Another freak that deserves to be stabbed to death with a cocktail toothpick: the asshole master chef who worries about how much olive oil you buy, whether it's virgin, extra light, extra virgin.. Look pal, I'm not your date.. I'll make your anus extra wide after shovein' this bottle up your ass! Here's how $5.99 feels, you prick!
8. Another clown that deserves a public hanging... The ball sweat that works there! Dumb beyond all imagination... You mean, you work here, yet you don't know what a fucking bagel is? Thanks for making my life alot less significant, my IQ 5 points lower, and my views on suicide abit more pronounced.. Suicide as in, I would like to help you try it sometime..
9. Another abomination that deserves to be disembowled with a wooden kitchen spoon: yet another grossly fat person, who unpacks their cart in line before you, then forgets the 5lb tub of lard(no, not their kid) they need to bake for their dinner party..
One, you don't need to have a dinner party.. Youlook as though you've been to one too many.. Two, you really don't need lard, your heart is having enough trouble.. Then again, run to the lard, please, do me that favor.. Run with your hands in your pockets, Tubby!
10. The freaking baggers!! This used prophylactic is way down at register 2 bagging in the express lane, I got Jabba the Hut infront of me with enough food to feed half our troops in Iraq, and the poor checkout girl is trying to force the greasy purchase into plastic bags while gummo here critiques her skill.. Uh, Porky.. Bag it yourself, ya slob!
I'm relieved to make it out alive, or without commiting murder.. I think it's safe to say next time, i'll bag my own shit... Those used tampons get paid entirely too much to crush my eggs with canned goods.. Could be worse, they could be stoned reading this like I am! :agree:
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