Ok, I need everyone's advice here...

[redsquirrel]

P.S. Red, I would resist the urge to take pot shots at her, regardless of how justified they may be and how good it might make you feel. Be bigger than that. Calling her out on her grandmothering and matchmaking skills will only make things worse. Trust me on this.....

I know...and you're so right- it would feel SO good. But, seriously- it's already bad, so what would be the difference. But, I hear you. I may not call her out in front of everyone, but I will definitely make some sort of reference to it...Like, yeah- the longer you go, the more chance you have of her not knowing who you are! LOL.

Oh, and the other kicker- she always has Christmas. Last year, we asked everyone to come to our house because I was prego, and didn't want to do all that bustle. She of course refused...said no one wants to drive to our house. Well, she's got another rude awakening- we will NOT be coming for Christmas this year. They are all more than welcome to come to our house for Christmas dinner & gifts. But, I am not going to pack up an 8 month old in the dead of winter, right after I woof down my own Christmas dinner in 10 minutes, and gather all the correct gifts, and stuff ourselves into the car to stay at her house til 10 that night. We are just not gonna do it.

[Bouncer]

I know...and you're so right- it would feel SO good. But, seriously- it's already bad, so what would be the difference. But, I hear you. I may not call her out in front of everyone, but I will definitely make some sort of reference to it...Like, yeah- the longer you go, the more chance you have of her not knowing who you are! LOL.

i dont think you get it.

that little comment will do nothing but show her she has the upper hand, she has the power. you will be letting her know that she has gotten under your skin. it will make you look foolish and catty.

[Konitz]

She is who she is. She doesn't like you. It doesn't make it right, but sometimes that's the way it is . If I were you, I would just move on. It would be nice if DILs and MILs always got along but a lot of times, they don't. When people get older, they also get more rigid and inflexible. You don't need her. It would have been nice if everyone was a nice happy family but I would be thankful that you, your husband and your daughter are happy together and move on.

Be thankful for the friends and family members you get along with and don't sweat about the ones that you don't get along wtih - nobody has it perfect.

Just my two cents....

:agreed:

[Turbo3000]

I don't even call my mom's parents grandparents. I usually refer to them by name or just call them my mom's parents. I had a pretty good relationship with them until I was around 8-10, and then they just started really only paying attention to one set of the grandkids.

I don't really care for them, and it hasn't had any negative implications on my life.

[3v1lj03]

I have six kids and only the three older ones could pick my Dad and step mom out of a line up. They are just not interested in us. It is what it is. My mother saw the younger 4 of my children for the first time on her death bed. Don't worry about it. The parents are what matters to the kids most. I agree with Turbo.

[Konitz]

I don't even call my mom's parents grandparents. I usually refer to them by name or just call them my mom's parents. I had a pretty good relationship with them until I was around 8-10, and then they just started really only paying attention to one set of the grandkids.

I don't really care for them, and it hasn't had any negative implications on my life.

Same thing here, but they still send me checks for my B-Day :rofl:

[Bouncer]

hmm, i cant say that i can relate to you guys. i have always had great relationship with my grand parents (moms side). dont know them on my dads side.

[Konitz]

hmm, i cant say that i can relate to you guys. i have always had great relationship with my grand parents (moms side). dont know them on my dads side.

Same thing here that what I thought Turbo meant, always been close with my mom's, after my parents got divorced I rarely saw them, then when I grew up I never see them.

[FitnessBrat]

Don't worry.... kids don't care about it as much as you might fear. Yeah, sure, they usually love their grandparents but I can guarantee your daughter isn't going to mope that she hasn't seen her grandma in months.

Very true.

I have never been a real fan of my in- laws either. When my ex and I separated, I moved back to FL where we are from. My FIL lives about 45 minutes away. He made a statement to my ex about "stepping up to the plate" blah, blah blah - he has not called me ONE SINGLE TIME to see his grandchildren. It angers me to death, but there isn't a thing I can do about it. In my opinion, it's his loss.

You can not change people, so stop wasting so much time and energy worrying about it.

[Bouncer]

so stop wasting so much time and energy worrying about it.

thats the main thing.

red, you let other people control you by your anger.

lots of wrongs in the world, if you concern yourself with it all it will consume you.

[redsquirrel]

i dont think you get it.

No, I get it- really I do. Regardless of how vindicated it would make me feel, I would pay for it dearly for God knows how long

[Bouncer]

No, I get it- really I do. Regardless of how vindicated it would make me feel, I would pay for it dearly for God knows how long

if you ignore a person like that and make her feel like she isnt there, you have the power.

[redsquirrel]

red, you let other people control you by your anger.

Not sure I get what you're talking about here. If I'm taking it the way I think it's intended, I don't agree, really.

While I can understand what you're saying- it makes me angry that she's hurting my husband, and potentially my daughter- which in turn hurts me. So, yes- I'm angry that she is doing that to us. I thought this would be a happy time.

And FB- it's easier said than done. It would be different had she not given a $hit from the get-go. But, the 180 is what is most upsetting. I'm not asking for her to like me- I really couldn't care less. While your situation is similar, and while it is the in-laws' loss, we are still married...my parents and his parents both are all still married. So, it's not like we have any broken ties where people would be uncomfortable.

Scrum- thanks for the advice. It's good to know she won't be scarred or feel she did something wrong when she gets older. See, I was always just about equally close with both sets of my grandparents, they visited or we visited pretty evenly. So, it is very difficult for me to understand this- and since my mom is so attentive, and his mom pretended when I was pregnant that she would be attentive, and she's almost non existent.

[Bouncer]

Not sure I get what you're talking about here. If I'm taking it the way I think it's intended, I don't agree, really.

While I can understand what you're saying- it makes me angry that she's hurting my husband, and potentially my daughter- which in turn hurts me. So, yes- I'm angry that she is doing that to us. I thought this would be a happy time.

i am saying by you letting her get to you. she is winning. simple as that. much more important things you have to deal with. dont let her be a cancer in your mind.

[redsquirrel]

i am saying by you letting her get to you. she is winning. simple as that. much more important things you have to deal with. dont let her be a cancer in your mind.

Agreed. And, by saying something to her would only reiterate the fact that she got to me- and that's exactly what she wants- the things she does are done in spite, and to get a reaction from me. Point taken. :)