How long?

[redsquirrel]

So, I need everyone to be pretty honest.

Obviously, post partum- my body doesn't look quite the same just yet. So, I haven't really had much sex drive until lately...had to take care of it myself a couple days ago, actually. Our sex life has been sort of non-existent. I would say since we were given the green light, 6 months ago- we've had sex maybe 3 times.

He asks, and then I say, "ok- let's do that in an hour or so". But, then he doesn't say another word about it. Then I brought up the fact it didn't happen 2 days later, and he's like "well, you didn't say anything after that" WTF does this mean? Is he asking to cover his ass & he really doesn't want, and because he thinks I won't initiate anything?

Also, how much sex does a guy really NEED before he goes elsewhere. I still think he was banging someone when I was PG. I don't have any real proof- other than one of his training clients called him on Christmas Eve...But, I just don't get how a guy can JUST beat it for 10 months.

[bigscott]

hi red ,

you were in great shape pre baby and i am sure your not that bad off post baby .

i didnt have sex with my wife for a good 10 months -- yup alot of me time lol - so i did just beat it for a long extended period of time . hell we have sex alot now and i still make sure things are in working order on my own :)

do you initiate ? if so does he look for excuses ? did you ask sonis if it was issue on how your body looks . i was very honest with my wife , just was NOT turned on at all with the extra weight she was carrying -- yes very selfish and we as men need to realize how shitty that is since you just carried our child !! - on the flip side i would still beat off if we did it all over again its just how i feel .

some men can go a long time without sex and not stray and some dont !! good sex life keeps a happy home life !! if either side is unsatisfied sooner or later they will try the grass on the other side of the fence

so be blunt and ask him if you turn him on anymore !! you have needs you would like met !!

on the other issue -- does the client call him all the time like that ?? what makes you feel he cheated on you when you were pregnat ? staying later at the gym ? not answering phone ? does he always keep his phone on him and when not on him does he turn it off ? most guys get a prepaid these days -

i walked that path , my behavior change , keeping phone with me at all times , staying longer at the gym etc etc .. see i am very regimented so as soon as i changed my habits red flags flew and she dug and found the womans # in my phone

has he changed his everyday common shit he usually does ? spending more time away from home ? etc etc --

red you need to sit sonis down and tell him how you feel ! will give you peace of mind !! hope things work out for you !!!!!!!!!

on a side note -- hows the baby

ohh and i hope i made sometype of sense with my post -- up working all night sooo no sleep yet - sorry if i am just rambling

[redsquirrel]

Ok, that makes sense...makes me feel a little better.

No, I don't really initiate. But, the past couple of nights I've asked "WTF?" He's always the one to ask if I want to...He'll ask, but then doesn't follow through, though.

No, the client doesn't call all the time like that. Nothing really specific makes me think that- moreso just the fact that he didn't want to have sex, and I was convinced he couldn't beat it for that long. I did catch wind of a different email account...tried to hack but was unsuccesful.

He hasn't really changed his habits, either. I'm probably jsut really paranoid since my 1st husband (starter marriage) fucked around on me alot.

Baby is GREAT. She gets sick too much, IMO- though. I love her to bits.

[Bouncer]

good post scott.

red i gotta tell ya, from here your marriage does not sound fun nor healthy.

you guys dont seem to be able to communicate, dont seem all the interested in each other, and there is just no trust. this sounds cliche but i think some marriage counseling is in order.

[ROCKETW19]

I can only speak on one thing and thats when he asks and you say in a hour or so. Wrong anwser red. I would never ask you again if it was me. I think you should just go over to him and start it off. I personaly wouldnt go to long before I went somewhere else but I have made that clear up front when we first started going out.

[redsquirrel]

good post scott.

red i gotta tell ya, from here your marriage does not sound fun nor healthy.

you guys dont seem to be able to communicate, dont seem all the interested in each other, and there is just no trust. this sounds cliche but i think some marriage counseling is in order.

Actually, it's really a lot of fun- except this. There's almost nothing we don't discuss...we talk about everything in depth except this issue. This is really my issue- the sex & the trust thing. We did baby sex for 3 effing years- that's why I'm not so interested in sex in general. I'm now finally trying to get back into the swing. And, he honestly has done nothing to ever violate my trust. We actually had a really long constructive talk about his MIL last night.

Rocket- I hear you- I figured it was the wrong answer. You say it wouldn't be too long before you strayed- are you married? Not that it matters as much as it should, but it is a factor. And what's "too long"? I'm not going to push the envelope, but just as an FYI.

[Bouncer]

And, he honestly has done nothing to ever violate my trust.

pretty sure you posted something about him talking to some chick in the car late at night or something one time. :P

[Shibby]

I agree with Bouncer. It sounds like there are a lot of small issues that have become big ones since its easier, but not better, to just not talk about.

Just a thought that maybe restart the sex habits. Maybe try giving him head or something without wanting something in return. Maybe more then once...

[ROCKETW19]

Just a thought that maybe restart the sex habits. Maybe try giving him head or something without wanting something in return. Maybe more then once...

I am glad you said that I wanted to in my first post but didnt want to offend her. Thats what my girl did the last few months of pregnancy and still 2.5 months after she still is. 1 time per week weather I like it or not.

[Bouncer]

yea girls can be fucken gay when it comes to sex. i always gotta be the one to start the shit. just once i want to be cooking my food or something and she just starts blowing me. haha. bitches need more hormones or something.

[ROCKETW19]

Rocket- I hear you- I figured it was the wrong answer. You say it wouldn't be too long before you strayed- are you married? Not that it matters as much as it should, but it is a factor. And what's "too long"? I'm not going to push the envelope, but just as an FYI.

Yep married! Not sure how long to long is I guess it would be feeling? Probably alot longer now that I have a kid. The marrage shit means nothing to me personaly but my baby girl is the world so would be able to take more than normal. As Shibby said just go over to him and hook him up without expecting anything back. And please next time he asks if you cant at that time make sure you go right over when you can and attack him. If any of this stuff sounds weird to ya then maybe you guys lost that connection?????

[redsquirrel]

Yep married! Not sure how long to long is I guess it would be feeling? Probably alot longer now that I have a kid. The marrage shit means nothing to me personaly but my baby girl is the world so would be able to take more than normal. As Shibby said just go over to him and hook him up without expecting anything back. And please next time he asks if you cant at that time make sure you go right over when you can and attack him. If any of this stuff sounds weird to ya then maybe you guys lost that connection?????

LOL. Well, easier said than done. Here are my 2 problems:

1) I was pretty upset with him when I was pregnant because he didn't want to have sex. In fact, he didn't want to do anything. He doesn't know this, but I actually saw him in the shower beating it once- I WAS MORTIFIED. It felt like he was cheating on me. I wanted to have sex and he chose to beat it?!?!?! So, it's hard to forget those things & especially hard for me to go blow him. I'm a stubborn bitch- I base a lot of my ideals on principle. This is one of them. After feeling that way, I don't want to do him any more favors. I mean I carried his child for 10 months for chrissake.

2) I would say the connection has been lost for quite some time. Trying to rekindle it is tough. I know it's there, but buried. After we lost our first child in 06, we had baby sex alot that year. It became a real chore- no passion, no spontanaeity, etc. Nothing happened...so we continued on this cycle for 2 years until finally last July. That alone kills any connection. I'm trying to get back into the swing because I for sure don't want to be one of those couples who don't have sex.

And bouncer- yes, there was that instance...but that was about 8 years ago, before we got married. You're right about 1 thing- we for sure need some hormones or test or something.

[ROCKETW19]

LOL. Well, easier said than done. Here are my 2 problems:

1) I was pretty upset with him when I was pregnant because he didn't want to have sex. In fact, he didn't want to do anything. He doesn't know this, but I actually saw him in the shower beating it once- I WAS MORTIFIED. It felt like he was cheating on me. I wanted to have sex and he chose to beat it?!?!?! So, it's hard to forget those things & especially hard for me to go blow him. I'm a stubborn bitch- I base a lot of my ideals on principle. This is one of them. After feeling that way, I don't want to do him any more favors. I mean I carried his child for 10 months for chrissake.

2) I would say the connection has been lost for quite some time. Trying to rekindle it is tough. I know it's there, but buried. After we lost our first child in 06, we had baby sex alot that year. It became a real chore- no passion, no spontanaeity, etc. Nothing happened...so we continued on this cycle for 2 years until finally last July. That alone kills any connection. I'm trying to get back into the swing because I for sure don't want to be one of those couples who don't have sex.

And bouncer- yes, there was that instance...but that was about 8 years ago, before we got married. You're right about 1 thing- we for sure need some hormones or test or something.

ya that changes alot if he turned you down and then hooked himself up I would be pissed to. I sure wouldnt want to do him any favors. I think you guys need to sit down and talk it all out before it gets worse.

[Mr I]

I think people are potentially being a little hard on reds relatioship here and jumping to conclusions early.

There's isn't a set frequency that a couple should have sex, things vary, you go through changes, stress plays a part, its no good saying this should happen or that should hapopen or there's a problem.

In my case juice has been a problem at times, sometimes I want it loads, sometimes not at all and my poor lady is expected to fit in, its not very fair and then we've thought about having kids, I was worried about all the gear I'd done, then got my test done and they said your fine, now hey presto I want sex more, so its alot about self confidence and self image also.

My advice try have one day where your relaxed, kids out, play around, doesn't have to be intercourse, can just be a close cuddle, maybe just jerk him off, maybe not but first thing is you need time for fun and relaxation and don't be on a downer if it doesn't turn into full blown banging session, leave eachother feeling good about themselves and then you'll want it again. We're on about 1-2 days a week on weekends at the moment, I'd like a lil more but she's been working all the hours so thats cool she's shattered when she gets back

[Mr I]

LOL. Well, easier said than done. Here are my 2 problems:

1) I was pretty upset with him when I was pregnant because he didn't want to have sex. In fact, he didn't want to do anything. He doesn't know this, but I actually saw him in the shower beating it once- I WAS MORTIFIED. It felt like he was cheating on me. I wanted to have sex and he chose to beat it?!?!?! So, it's hard to forget those things & especially hard for me to go blow him. I'm a stubborn bitch- I base a lot of my ideals on principle. This is one of them. After feeling that way, I don't want to do him any more favors. I mean I carried his child for 10 months for chrissake.

2) I would say the connection has been lost for quite some time. Trying to rekindle it is tough. I know it's there, but buried. After we lost our first child in 06, we had baby sex alot that year. It became a real chore- no passion, no spontanaeity, etc. Nothing happened...so we continued on this cycle for 2 years until finally last July. That alone kills any connection. I'm trying to get back into the swing because I for sure don't want to be one of those couples who don't have sex.

And bouncer- yes, there was that instance...but that was about 8 years ago, before we got married. You're right about 1 thing- we for sure need some hormones or test or something.

Sounds to me like you need to forgive and chill out, holding grudges is no good, my lady laughs if she goes for the towel on a morning and its all hard because she went straight to sleep so I beat one out all over the bath towel:thumup::thumup: