found out something about my Ex...Oh what to do

[urso8up]

Hello all I have been divorced now for about two months and my ex wife went back to her boyfriend that she had before she met me, She went right back to him right after I moved out and then a month after I was out she told me she was pregnant and that is was his baby. I asked her if she was sure and of course she said yes she was positive. Well yesterday she went to the doc's and found out the round about due date and after she told me and I went and counted the months that puts us together. So I ask her if it could have been mine or if she cheated on me then she said she is going to have a test done to find out who's baby it is, To put everyone's mind at rest. I am not real sure of what to do I have one son with her so I try to be as nice to her as I can but when she pulls crap like this it takes all I have to be nice and level with her.

Ok so now let me ask what should one do in this situation? What would you do?

[The_Jarhead]

There isn't much you can do. Even if the kid isn't yours you are going to have to deal with her anyway because of your son.
I know it's hard I have a liitle one with my ex too and for her sake we try and be civil with each other.

[Timber]

keep you head man, Business is Business if you know what I mean. You could wind up with that child support card played out or face she was cheating, might be better for you if she was cheating. Is you divorce final if its not it gives you some leverage if she steps out of line. Either way contact your lawyer because there may be consequences.

[saturn]

Wait for a paternity test.....Like timber said keep cool so you don't end up making things ugly during your divorce.

[redsquirrel]

I would make sure the two of you and the baby is tested so you all know who is repsonsible for the monetary responsibility to the child. Just like Timber said- if all of you don't get tested, and you're still married, you could get stuck with the child support card. I would speak with your lawyer and make sure in the Dissolution of Marriage that there is question about the paternity of the child

[urso8up]

Thank you all for your response I try to keep a civil head when I talk to her but for some reason woman know what buttons to push to push you over the edge. The marriage was final about 2 months ago and when you stand in front of the judge he asks is there anyway you could be pregnant and she said no. That is a lie in court. Wonder if I can do something about that. For my sons sake I am just talking to her to find out how he is and that is all.
Another thing is I love my son to death and he means the world to me but sometimes I wonder if she didn't cheat on me and he is not mine. That has nothing to do with how I feel towards him he knows who I am and that I love him to death no matter what. But just other things that have been on my mind since I left

THanks once again to all of you who have replied to me.

[drgoodbody]

Very painful to read - I feel for you. Your ex is really something if you have to wonder about paternity of the baby and possibly that of your son. Damn, I would push for custody of your boy (assuming you can handle him) if she was fucking around on you with that other guy during your marriage. Actually, I would do whatever was legally doable to fuck her over - talk to your lawyer about this paternity shit and her lie to the judge about being pregant. Look I'm a vindictive motherfucker who never forgets and seldom forgives - shit, there are people walking the planet from my youth that had better never run into me, so forget about it if my ex-wife pulled some shit like this. I'd spend every nickel just to make the bitch miserable.

DrG

[trip]

urso,

The only thing you can do, is to do your best in a tough situation.
Continue to be civil. She has a history it seems, of being very erratic in how she views life, what she wants and what she does.

Holding onto the notion that this will somehow change will only cause stress for you. In most folks past behavior is predicator for future behavior.

The difficulty is that because your relationship has history and intamacy you see hear and feel that erraticness first hand. Others she comes in contact will not and most will never see it because she has developed habits over time to hide those things.

Just guessing, yet, about what you believe is a lie in court could have a dozen real and legitimate explanations, what hers is who know's, just guessing again, yet, it would probably lead people to believe her though, and for you to point it out, others just will not see, they will give her benefit of doubt.

Legally would think if it's determined she got pregnant when you were still married, believe high probability you could be financialy responsible, thus talk with a lawyer.

As far as your son, what matters to him is YOU, not some quesiton from the past, and that will NEVER EVER change in his mind.

Try if you can to stop thinking those thoughts, they are a dead end and will only cause YOU more stress and anxiety, and you have much better things to do with your time effort and energy.

IMHO, think you're handling ex correctly, being kind and patient, is really the only way, otherwise you become the master mind of the war, and once you go there it is a constant battle and is no good for anyone.

It is not like she is a horrible bad person, she just is very erratic and confused, and one thing you can count on however she acts on the outside, she feels such things 10x's more on inside.

She may not show it, yet best guess her day to day inside feelings are a ball of confusion, and not much you can do.

Hoped That Helped
Good Luck

[jgb0607]

Man that is a messed up situation!

Just make sure you get that test!

[Timber]

Red is absolutely right about being tested yourself and your divorce is usually not final for 1 year after you finish with court. Many people reconcile so the court usually gives a year from the final court date before its final

[urso8up]

I just spoke with my lawyer to see if there is anything I could do about this and they are supposed to get back with me. So if i find anything new out i will post it. Thank you all once again you guys are alot of help This board is a great board and i am real glad i am hear and that there are many people who try to help eachother out.

[Puddles]

I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling inside. Stay strong, remain cool, and listen to your lawyer. Best wishes.

[Irishgirl]

I don't have much advice, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I was to hear about your horrible situation. Good luck with everything.

[urso8up]

Sometimes I just feel like taking my son and running but then I think what a dumb idea, I would never take my Son away from my ex that would be mean and i am not that mean.

[Timber]

It is good to see that you can see the bigger picture, so many people make the mistake of being so angry with the x spouse that they forget that time will march on and children rarely forgive there parents for not being around for getting caught up in there anger. In 5 years it will not matter what went on but what happens between now and then will be the most important thing in the world to your children. It is difficult to acknowledge and move on. Your children forever bind you so if it is possible you can work it out together. It is not likely that both of you will be able to do it at the same time depending on who blames who but I think if 1 person is willing to make it work then in time the other will come around.

I think a cheating spouse is difficult to forgive but never the less it is a very common event. betrayal by some one you love is painful. It is a forgivable offence in the wake of raising you children outside the marriage. Children never miss anything, they comprehend things you could never imagine very young. Parental trauma such as divorce snaps them right into awareness so you can be sure you son is paying close attention.

I think maybe deep down you have a pretty good Idea of what happened. As in everything keep your eye on the prize. In this case it is your son and maybe another. What happened to your marriage doesn't really matter anymore. It is the difficult truth. Try not to hate her you did love her once and her you. It can make a difference