Tweet
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
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3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
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5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
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6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
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9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?
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10. Is there another word for synonym?
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11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
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12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?
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13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
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14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
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16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
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19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
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20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?
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21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
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23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
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24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
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27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
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28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
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30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
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31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
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32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
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33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
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34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
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2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
---
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
---
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
---
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
---
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
---
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
---
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
---
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?
---
10. Is there another word for synonym?
---
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
---
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?
---
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
---
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
---
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
---
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
---
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
---
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
---
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?
---
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
---
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
---
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
---
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
---
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
---
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
---
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
---
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
---
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
---
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
---
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
---
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
---
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
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