Why won't my girl initiate sex?

[Stonecold54]

I don't have anything to say except it feels like I am begging all the time and it is such a turn off to have to beg for sex. just like once every two weeks would be fine, I just wish she would show some kind of interest in me.

[wrath_of_con]

The first thing that pops into my head is to ask her. Maybe she thinks its the guy's job to initiate. Maybe she thinks its not right for her to do that.

Then again, maybe she just wants you to grab a handful of her hair every now and then and tell her to bend over.

Hey... you never know. Seriously though - ask her first. Just like you did here.

[Gilster]

It may just not be her style...Everyone is different...Pay attention to what she wants and ask her what she likes, and tell her what you like..Asking is the best way to know what the other wants...Then give her what she needs and she might be more inclined to give you what you want.

[TrippersGirl]

A bunch of reasons could be why, maybe she has stress at work or school or with family. Now if she has never initiated then that's a different issue, but if she doesn't do it enough then it could be because she's preoccupied with something else. Other than that is she a sexual person?

[LOCO]

lol man ur not the only one :)

http://www.superiormuscle.com/vbulle...776#post108776

[rude]

I have the same problem :( lol

[Stonecold54]

I have tried to talk to her about it but as some people know men and women can get VERY defensive about sex talk. It seems her problem is that she says that her brain wants sex but her body doesn't. Not to brag but I have a very nice body and I am told that I am attractive so it really isn't that. She has made some steps foward she actually tried a herbal supplment reccomended by Fyre. she is scared of supplements so she wouldn't take to many of them. I have mentioned that she should probably get a hormone workup from a doc to see if she has any imbalances that could be affecting her drive. I know there is not much I can do and believe me she is not the type of person that wants to be domintated. in fact I think she has some unresolved issues about giving in to another person completely and just losing yourself in the lovemaking. I actually think couseling for both of us will be down the road because we need to talk about these things seeing as we are getting married in march.

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by TrippersGirl
A bunch of reasons could be why, maybe she has stress at work or school or with family. Now if she has never initiated then that's a different issue, but if she doesn't do it enough then it could be because she's preoccupied with something else. Other than that is she a sexual person?

she has a bit of stress but it is what i call unnecassry stress. like little things that don't need a lot of attention but they get it before me. she has intiated once or twice before (we have been together about a year and a half). I try to be very romantic say sweet things, buy her nice flowers, cook candle light dinners, dance with her and other things but a lot of them are joked off and we don't end up getting romantic.

[Trojanmn2]

Originally posted by stonecold54
she has a bit of stress but it is what i call unnecassry stress. like little things that don't need a lot of attention but they get it before me. she has intiated once or twice before (we have been together about a year and a half). I try to be very romantic say sweet things, buy her nice flowers, cook candle light dinners, dance with her and other things but a lot of them are joked off and we don't end up getting romantic.

lol yea I'm afraid thats what me and my girlfriend is going to end up being. I don't what that at all because we were friends already, and we always do the simple things together, we just enjoy our time being together. The thought that runs through her head and mine is that she doesn't what the relationship to be about sex, its not but everytime we do, I feel she's being forced to do it because shes had the bad experience with somebody else in her past with that problem. She's a very sexual person, and so am I, we go at like freaks when we're having sex, but I dont' know what its going to end up like. We have sex not us much as I would like to, I still have to ask her more about that because its been up and its been down. Maybe we'll get more sexual in time, we'll see.

[Stonecold54]

its funny because I would be happy with sex about 2 or 3 times a week. but seeing how I never know when she wants it I always have to hint at it just in case she is in the mood. then it makes it look like I am begging.

[Trojanmn2]

Originally posted by stonecold54
its funny because I would be happy with sex about 2 or 3 times a week. but seeing how I never know when she wants it I always have to hint at it just in case she is in the mood. then it makes it look like I am begging.

yea aka pussy whipped :whip:

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by Trojanmn2
yea aka pussy whipped :whip:

naaa ahhh.

[urso8up]

Get Your Woman To Initiate Sex
Whether you've been with your current girlfriend for a few months or a few years, chances are that you do most of the initiating when it comes to sex. While you don't mind being the one to make the first move, you wish that she'd jump you every once in a while. In fact, you can't understand why she doesn't let you know when she's in the mood, as you'd probably be happy to comply.
There are many reasons behind women not initiating sex, some of which you may have figured out by now, and others which may come as a surprise. Below, are the main reasons and tips on what you can do to undo this foul reasoning of hers, without her even being aware of it. Soon you'll be able to get her to initiate sex -- at least half of the time.

they don't have to



Let's face it, the main reason women don't initiate sex is because they don't have to. They know that you'll let them know when you want it, at which point they can decide whether or not they want to comply. Sad but true, I know. Think about it; if you're always the one asking for it, why would she even bother?

What to do: This is going to require some self-control on your part, but if you can pull it off, it's well worth it. If you usually have sex a couple of times a week, chances are she expects this frequency by now. So, for a period of one week, tease her subtly by giving her long, passionate kisses, sensual massages, or caress her softly while you're watching a movie, and when you feel that she's getting turned on, slowly pull away and continue whatever non-sexual thing you were doing. A week of this will drive her up the wall, and she will be all over you by Saturday night -- the latest.

taboo



You can thank society and her mother for this one. Some women have been raised to believe that a woman who initiates sex is invariably a slut. For a lady, such behavior is strictly taboo. She has been conditioned to believe that if she initiates sex, her boyfriend will think that she's a whore, so she never does. Unfortunately, you're dating a prude.

What to do: You have to eradicate this way of thinking from her mind altogether. How? Simple: one day, when you're out having a drink or lounging around the apartment, ask her what turns her on. After she gives you her response, tell her that what would really turn you on, is if she initiated sex every so often. If she says that she couldn't, tell her that since you're a couple, it's really okay to do so.

Give her a little time to think about her next move, and keep your eyes open for it, as it could be so subtle at first that you may not even pick up on it. Be sure to give her lots of positive reinforcement for every move she makes. Pretty soon, she'll realize that her mother was wrong.
afraid of rejection



Just like men, women are afraid of rejection. However, they have the advantage of not being expected to put their egos on the line every time the opportunity strikes. Therefore, they aren't accustomed to dealing with this feeling nearly as often as men. Some women don't initiate sex because they don't want to risk potential rejection. Perhaps their egos are so fragile that they feel they wouldn't be able to deal with such a blow. Boo hoo, I know.

What to do: Encourage her every move. If she puts her hand on your thigh, keep it there. If she gives you a kiss, actively kiss her back. If she runs her hand through your hair, turn to putty in her hands. Sounds cheesy, but it'll work. Take it one step further by telling her that you really love it when she (insert favorite move here).

After building up her confidence and giving her tons of positive reinforcement, she will no longer feel afraid of rejection. Once this happens, she may start initiating sex on her own. If not, just let her know that you would really like it if she did. Since you made her feel so good, she will be happy to comply. But be sure to not reject her, even if you're not in the mood, as this will be permanently ingrained in her mind; at least in the beginning.

not in the mood



If you've heard "I have a headache" so many times that you've started walking around with a bottle of aspirin in your pocket, the reason your woman may never initiate sex may be because she simply isn't in the mood nearly as often as you are. Either she has a low libido, or is no longer as attracted to you as she used to be.

What to do: This is probably the toughest one to deal with, as you have to determine the cause of her lack of interest, before you can try to fix the problem. If she has a low libido, you have to decide if you really want to be in a relationship with someone whose sex drive is incompatible with yours. If her level of interest has simply dropped over time, you may have to figure out why, and try to fix the situation. For instance, if the sex has become routine, try spicing it up and see if her interest level perks back up. Or perhaps you've stopped being as charming and considerate as you used to be, in which case you should revert to your old self and watch the sparks fly.

Once you've gotten her interest level in sex back up (if possible), you can use any of the above-mentioned techniques to get her to initiate, including teasing her, asking her to initiate sex, and giving her tons of positive reinforcement.

she's all over you



With a little patience and perseverance, you can get even the shyest woman to start initiating sex almost as often as you do. All it takes is a little subtle manipulation of sorts, and she'll be all over you in no time. Before you know it, she'll start wearing you out.

[TooPowerful4u]

God damn theres so many of us in this boat. Mine really sux, cause if shes in the mood, and i dont guess or figure it out, she wont say a word. Shel tell me like the next day, i was horny as hell last night. Gee thanx for fuckin tellin me now. NEVER initiated sex with me in her life. I even have her damn virginity. She is a very sexual person, and never shy about it, and when u get her started WHOAH. But the problem is id like to have her at least SAY something once in a while.

[Blackdream71]

Re: Why won't my girl initiate sex?

Originally posted by stonecold54
I don't have anything to say except it feels like I am begging all the time and it is such a turn off to have to beg for sex. just like once every two weeks would be fine, I just wish she would show some kind of interest in me.

That sux man, if you have to beg your girl for sex that really is a big turn off, i like to know my girl is into it as much as me so we both can enjoy ourselves.....