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> > The Darwin Awards
They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's
an
> > annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest
service
> > by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
> >
> > >Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
which
> > toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
of
> > it.
> >
> > >And the nominees this year are:
> >
> > >9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
> > because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk.
> > Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
> > fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
house
> > down, killing both him and his sister.
> >
> > >8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of
> > suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
> > weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
> > white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
> > create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military
gasmask
> > that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
> > place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow
tube
> > approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted
into
> > his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police
> > found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family
> > very awkward.
> >
> >
> > >7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when
> > another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants
> > of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
They
> > were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
ankles.
> >
> > >6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
> > before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was
not
> > breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the
couch
> > naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR,
she
> > noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
> > removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital the
> > police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
> > handmade a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
> > discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of
> > putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between
two
> > electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
> > According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one
of
> > the sanders, electrocuting him.
> >
> > >5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
> > Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
> > killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
> > qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
> > driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring,
which had
> > started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to
press
> > the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her
own.
> >
> > >4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
> > tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
trestle.
> > Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
bunch of
> > these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the
other
> > end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
> > Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
was
> > alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
had
> > assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
ground"
> > Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major
trauma."
> >
> >
> > >3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
> > friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The
> > friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
> >
> >
> > >2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of
> > a gas leak. sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing
all
> > potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building
had
> > been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon
> > entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
> > dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
> > described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket
and
> > retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation
of
> > the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces
> > of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
the
> > lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected
> > of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
> >
> > >AND THE WINNER
> >
> > >1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez
> > tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
> > Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed
> > to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much
to
> > his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on
the
> > machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in
the
> > mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed
> > and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
> > ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles
> > are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's
> > scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked
from
> > him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle
was
> > compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
washer,
> > and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez
broke a
> > new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
> > using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for
surgery,
> > and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
> >
> > >NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
die.
> > But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
> > stupidity, we have allowed it.
> >
> >
> > >
They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's
an
> > annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest
service
> > by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
> >
> > >Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
which
> > toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out
of
> > it.
> >
> > >And the nominees this year are:
> >
> > >9. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
> > because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk.
> > Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
> > fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
house
> > down, killing both him and his sister.
> >
> > >8. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
died of
> > suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
> > weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
> > white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
> > create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military
gasmask
> > that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
> > place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow
tube
> > approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted
into
> > his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police
> > found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family
> > very awkward.
> >
> >
> > >7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when
> > another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants
> > of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
They
> > were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
ankles.
> >
> > >6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details
> > before arriving, except that someone had reported that his father was
not
> > breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the
couch
> > naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR,
she
> > noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and
> > removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital the
> > police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
> > handmade a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
> > discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had a habit of
> > putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between
two
> > electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
> > According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one
of
> > the sanders, electrocuting him.
> >
> > >5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near
> > Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
> > killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
> > qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
> > driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring,
which had
> > started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to
press
> > the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her
own.
> >
> > >4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
> > tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
trestle.
> > Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
bunch of
> > these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the
other
> > end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
> > Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
was
> > alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
had
> > assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
ground"
> > Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major
trauma."
> >
> >
> > >3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
> > friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The
> > friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
> >
> >
> > >2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of
> > a gas leak. sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing
all
> > potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building
had
> > been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon
> > entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
> > dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
> > described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket
and
> > retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation
of
> > the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces
> > of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
the
> > lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected
> > of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
> >
> > >AND THE WINNER
> >
> > >1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez
> > tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
> > Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed
> > to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much
to
> > his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on
the
> > machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in
the
> > mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed
> > and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
> > ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles
> > are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's
> > scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked
from
> > him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle
was
> > compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
washer,
> > and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez
broke a
> > new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
> > using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for
surgery,
> > and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
> >
> > >NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
die.
> > But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
> > stupidity, we have allowed it.
> >
> >
> > >
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