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Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia has set in.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood
and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man
shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where
to
start." We will then drink beer.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never
get as
sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never,
under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene
product" is a euphemism. (F. Y. I. guys - cumin is a spice)
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on
taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as,
much
once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
-------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while
I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking
for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't
think
we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete
stranger?
I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The
answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up
something else when you ask, so don't ask.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any
more than I
have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to
see
it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine.
With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look
fine.
Can we just go now?
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
gardening, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
----------------------------------------------
This has been a public service message for Women
wire long after hypothermia has set in.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood
and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man
shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where
to
start." We will then drink beer.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never
get as
sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never,
under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene
product" is a euphemism. (F. Y. I. guys - cumin is a spice)
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on
taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as,
much
once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
-------------------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while
I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking
for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't
think
we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete
stranger?
I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The
answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up
something else when you ask, so don't ask.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any
more than I
have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to
see
it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine.
With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look
fine.
Can we just go now?
-----------------------------------------------
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
gardening, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
----------------------------------------------
This has been a public service message for Women
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