letting go

[bjbabe]

I am in love with this guy. But our realtionship is not healthy neither for me or him. He can't trust me and to be honest i really don't blame him. But he is no saint either. I mean we all make mistakes right no one is perfect at all, i do love him and i wish that our realtionship can work out. I really don't see myself with anyone else nor do i want to. But he tells me that he no longer wants to talk to me or see me.

My question is how can i let go of him and stop crying and hoping that we can be together cause i see know that we can't there is no way he can trust me ever again.

I need help or advice, on how to make this easier for me.

If anyone has gone trough the same thing what steps did you do make you stop calling him. :(

[Stonecold54]

Re: letting go

Originally posted by bjbabe
I am in love with this guy. But our realtionship is not healthy neither for me or him. He can't trust me and to be honest i really don't blame him. But he is no saint either. I mean we all make mistakes right no one is perfect at all, i do love him and i wish that our realtionship can work out. I really don't see myself with anyone else nor do i want to. But he tells me that he no longer wants to talk to me or see me.

My question is how can i let go of him and stop crying and hoping that we can be together cause i see know that we can't there is no way he can trust me ever again.

I need help or advice, on how to make this easier for me.

If anyone has gone trough the same thing what steps did you do make you stop calling him. :(

you need to focus on some thing postive no matter how small or big it is. Time will heal but you need to focus your energy on something else (not another guy). pick something you like and go with. I went through that with one of my ex girls and it took me a year to completly get her out of my head and now I am married and have a good life. so things can always look up if that is where you keep your head. Good luck too you. :)

[bad14u]

The best way to get over a guy is to get on top of another and I will volunteer for the job!!!:p

[TrippersGirl]

If your question could be answered you'd be a millionaire....unfortunately, time is key. Cut all ties, no calls, nocheck-ups, no contact. Breaking up is soo hard, especially when you're still in love with the guy, but if you two were meant to be he'll call you and try to talk things out later down the line. Good luck girl! Keep BUSY and hang in there!!

[Shibby]

There is no right answer. Only time will make things better. This is a time for you to take a look at yourself and where you want to go in other aspects of your life. Focus on trying to get there. You may have many failed attempts at doing so since the thing that made you strive most is gone. Also look to your friends. Spend lots of time with them. Doing things you like to do, but try to make them as un-guy related as possible. This will help you find and see the other things in your life that makes you happy. Then you can focus less on what made you happy and more on what makes you happy. I can relate in another degree. I have a girl that I so much feel is perfect for me. We went back and forth because her ex burned her so bad that it was hard for her to let out to much of her heart. Now I'm moving half way across the country in 6 months. So no matter how much we try to make things work it's just a matter of makeing it harder or easier when I leave. Try to accept that there may just not be an answer to your question. You can only try to let it fade as much as possible so the other positves in your life can bring themselves forward.

[bjbabe]

Originally posted by bad14u
The best way to get over a guy is to get on top of another and I will volunteer for the job!!!:p

I really don't think that will be wise. or the best thing to do.

All i would end up doing is hurting myself and him

[Shibby]

Originally posted by TrippersGirl
If your question could be answered you'd be a millionaire....unfortunately, time is key. Cut all ties, no calls, nocheck-ups, no contact. Breaking up is soo hard, especially when you're still in love with the guy, but if you two were meant to be he'll call you and try to talk things out later down the line. Good luck girl! Keep BUSY and hang in there!!

Exactly. Something I would like to add that I forgot, is that if you keep trying to hang on any tiny thread, you will never know if you can live without out him. That is your journey now. To see if you can live happy without him. It could take weeks, months, longer. It took me almost 3 years to be ready to be with someone again, more than just having a little fun. I can't remeber how long it took to know I could live without her, but it was a long time. We were together for 3 and half years. Look to your friends and if you have to ask them to do there best not to let you down when you need them the most. Remeber they are your friends but there are also just human too. Everytime they help may not be the right way but the intentions are good. As much as they want you to be happy and be happy with them, don't let them loose focus on themselves trying to help you too much. Alot of it will come down to you fixing things inside and only you can do that.

[bjbabe]

Re: Re: letting go

Originally posted by stonecold54
you need to focus on some thing postive no matter how small or big it is. Time will heal but you need to focus your energy on something else (not another guy). pick something you like and go with. I went through that with one of my ex girls and it took me a year to completly get her out of my head and now I am married and have a good life. so things can always look up if that is where you keep your head. Good luck too you. :)

Congratulations on you marriage and finding that special someone that keeps you going everday. Hopefully one day i will find that someone. I just really thought that he was my soulmate the one that knows more about me then anyone.

[bonebreaker]

I think I can speak for many of the people on this board, including myself, who have been through the very same thing before. The previous answers to this thread were all right on. You CANNOT sit and "stew in your own juices". STAY AS BUSY AS POSSIBLE, with friends and family. Don't discuss your trials and tribulations with friends and family, it'll only keep him in your head. You have to cut all ties. Don't listen to any songs that remind you of him. Don't eat any foods that remind you of him. STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHING THAT DOES. AND MOST OF ALL---NO CONTACT WITH HIM!! Maybe see your Dr. and get a mild anxiety drug like Xanax to take at bedtime or when you are really having a rough day. You'll have more bad days at first, but as time wears on, you'll start having more good days than bad. TRUST ME, "time heals ALL wounds". And NEVER see another guy to "get even", or just to have something to do. You'll be ready soon enough to see other people. Good luck sweetheart, we're all pulling for you. BB

[Shibby]

Originally posted by bonebreaker
I think I can speak for many of the people on this board, including myself, who have been through the very same thing before. The previous answers to this thread were all right on. You CANNOT sit and "stew in your own juices". STAY AS BUSY AS POSSIBLE, with friends and family. Don't discuss your trials and tribulations with friends and family, it'll only keep him in your head. You have to cut all ties. Don't listen to any songs that remind you of him. Don't eat any foods that remind you of him. STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHING THAT DOES. AND MOST OF ALL---NO CONTACT WITH HIM!! Maybe see your Dr. and get a mild anxiety drug like Xanax to take at bedtime or when you are really having a rough day. You'll have more bad days at first, but as time wears on, you'll start having more good days than bad. TRUST ME, "time heals ALL wounds". And NEVER see another guy to "get even", or just to have something to do. You'll be ready soon enough to see other people. Good luck sweetheart, we're all pulling for you. BB

I would like to disagree on the drugs. Try to stay away from that since it's just the one thing that's bringing you down. I also think listening to a song that reminds you of him ON ACCASION, notice little things that remind you of him, ect. it's healthy. It helps take you to a hard place and pull yourself back to somewhere positive. You can't let go all at once. It happens piece by piece.

[bjbabe]

We where together of and on for four years, and its hard to say goodbye. I know that as much as i am hurting, he might be suffering. I know its hard but i really can't see him with anyone else. But i do want his happiness, and if he believes that by not talking to me is what he needs as much as it hurts me to say i won't talk to him again. We do live in a small town and the chances of me seeing him will happen.
I really try not to talk to my friends as much about him and me anymore, cause half of the time they have problems on their own. And i just don't want to burden them any more with mine. But they are there for me as will as everyone here at SM and i Thank you for that.

[Shibby]

Well sounds like your on the right track. If you do run into him randomly it will be the weirdest thing ever. Don't try and do the right thing. Best if possible is just to smile and keep on your way. Don't think anything will be rude in an avodance kind of way. It's just part of the healing process. Everyone says they wish it didn't have to end badly. But it always ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end.

[Stonecold54]

Originally posted by Shibby
But it always ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end.

that is a good saying.

[psyko1]

no one can tell you how to heal it's a process that takes some people a lifetime to learn. do what feels right to you to get your mind off of him. focus on yourself for once. be about YOU. (refering to the last four years you speak of) although seeing other guys don't help some people it might help you. maybe get a hobby, definitely spend time with friends just don't let their troubles get to you. know when to shut them out cause they could easily make you feel more like crap than you already do. besides bjbabe with a name like that i doubt you'll have too much trouble finding someone to put that smile back on your face. ;)

P.S. drugs and alcohol should not even be a thought in the healing process. stay as clearheaded as you can otherwise you could get hooked or do something you're gonna regret the next morning. (like call the guy) goodluck and take care. we're always here if you need to talk.

[bad14u]

Originally posted by bjbabe
I really don't think that will be wise. or the best thing to do.

All i would end up doing is hurting myself and him

Sorry BJ...bad joke on my part! Just trying to lighten the mood! Just as everyone else has said....TIME! You need to focus on yourself, your life, your job, anything that will keep you from thinking about him! You should tell all of your friends that if they se him out and about, that they do not need to come running to you and telling you that they saw him doing whatever with whoever! These bits of info only hender the situation you are trying so hard to get out of! My heart goes out to you, as I am sure everyone else here does too! All of us have had something like this happen in our lives! Just remember TIME!!! Time heals all wounds, but TIME only heals when you're letting go!!!