Joke of the day!!

[Ditsz]

MUWHAHAHAHAH, now there is one I can relate to!!!

[njjuicer]

heheeh need any help removing? :p

[njjuicer]

what the difference btween a whore and a drug dealer?




the wrore can always wash her crack and sell it again!

[Ditsz]

Originally posted by njjuicer
heheeh need any help removing? :p

You would do that?

[Cory]

^We need more jokes guys!! I need to laugh!!

[Gongshow]

that a way juicer lol

[Gongshow]

Originally posted by Cory
^We need more jokes guys!! I need to laugh!!

we could all use a good laugh!

[Cory]

lol :rofl:

[Gongshow]

lol very nice

[Shibby]

>While I was driving down the road the other day (going a
>>little faster
>>than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop
>>on the
>>other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop
>>pulled me over,
>>walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we
>>all
>>know about, asked "what's your hurry?"
>>
>>To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
>>
>>To which he asked, "What do you do?"
>>
>>"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
>>
>>The cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher??
>>And
>>just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
>>
>>"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my
>>way up
>>to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my
>>whole hand in I work side to side until I can get both hands in,
>>and
>>then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about
>>6 feet."
>>
>>Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do
>>you
>>do with a six-foot asshole?"
>>To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him
>>behind a bridge ..."

[Stonecold54]

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
The Priest asks," Is that you little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is." "And, who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't be tellin you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now...
was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but I can't name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The Priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides
over and whispers, "What'd you get?"


"Three months vacation and five good leads."

[kwik20r]

This one is more of a funny story than a joke, but it's still worth a laugh

Workman's Comp Report


Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's accident
report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of
the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died,
he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....

Dear Sir:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block
3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details
will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone
on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found
that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be
slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I
decided to! lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the
side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I
went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.
Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow
descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh
135lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In
the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding
downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull,
minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the
accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles d! eep into the pulley. Fortunately
by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to
the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground
and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the
bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my
legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed
to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks
and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain,
unable to mo! ve, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go
of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back
down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry.,

[Shibby]

:rofl: it's like something in a cartoon

[urso8up]

:rofl: :rofl:

[Shibby]

Originally posted by INTIMID8OR3
It took me 5 minutes to read due to tears in my eyes ...:rofl: :rofl:

Bring back painful memories? :D