I just don't understand women.

[The_Grinder]

Yeah the friends thing doesnt work at all. I saw my ex in a parking lot somewhere a few weeks ago and it was the most akward conversation I have ever had, by far!

[Timma]

The only realistic way that could ever happen is to have enough time a part that you can rebuild it as a friendship. Otherwise you won't really talk to each other because you both aren't sure what is ok to talk about.

And that's what we are going to do. I just had a really long talk with her and the reason for all of this is our relationship started to get too comfortable and it scared her. She said it's probably best to just go our separate ways for a bit and figure things out for ourselves and how we want our own lives.

She still wants to be with me and i still want to be with her. She just feels this will help us get back to the way we were and i do agree to a certain degree.

We will start talking again and hanging out and see what happens.

[coffee-guy]

It's what you want it to be bro - you make it what it is - from the sounds of it this just happened so throwing in the towel would be insane if you really care for her enough to feel like your world is ending. Instead of feeling that way though remember that August is a long time away and you can work out a LOT of stuff in that time - at this point there is NOTHING to get over - there is nothing to move on from - at this point you should be trying to make sense of how you can work on doing the long distance thing again - don't forget that she has her own feelings and maybe she's just looking to you to prove yourself because her past relationships have all failed her - after all you've done it before AND she's also not admitting to bailing either so hang onto what you can but don't overwhelm her if you can help it - it's obvious she has been struggling with this before yesterday and isn't *okay* with trying to go through with it - giving up and bowing into despairs power now would be foolish...

Maybe you can't do it alone but if you're both on the same page and want the same things nothing should stand in your way - it's when you can't align your lives because of reasons outside of "distance" that you run into problems that can't necessarily be overcome by *love* - it sounds to me that this isn't the case for either one of you though so make of it what you will and do it with everything you've got if it's what you want....

If you run around listening to advice like "long distance" can't work then you'll never be with her in the same capacity as you would be if you stuck it out - "breaks" often times leave one or both of you broken to a point that you can't go back and if you go that route and it ends up failing you'll forever hate yourself for having made that choice - IMO it's better to tough it out and put forth the effort now instead of hoping to pick up the pieces later on after certain levels of damage have been done OR one/both of you have found someone else that ends up clouding your judgment......

I don't believe that long distance is easy by any stretch of the term though because it's nearly impossible to build a life together with each other IF you're starting from scratch but in your case you both have a solid foundation to build upon - you both have learned to communicate and work things out over the years or else you most likely wouldn't be together now so man up and convince her you are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the two of you can make it through this - that you aren't like the other men in her life that let her down in the past - chances are she is simply terrified of losing YOU when she leaves - she is likely attempting to end it now to save herself the heartache of losing you after she moves away and you move on and at this point she is probably just acting out of fear. Show her what she's worth to you and I'm positive you'll get much better results because if she's like most women who are truly in love she isn't worried about moving on to someone else or worried about her freedom when she is alone without you - she is more than likely scared of YOU and what you will do to her if you hurt her NOT her being worried about screwing things up herself.

And BTW - don't screw someone else to get over her - it NEVER works the way people think it does and chances are it could harm your efforts to ever be with her again - things like that can't be forgotten no matter how much people like to claim they can be - she'll never truly forgive you bro - that and it's WAY too soon in this situation to be thinking like that - maybe if it isn't working out in a few months but for now try preserving what you've already put so much effort into - the way your first few posts sound she's definitely someone you're willing to fight it out for so stick to those convictions and go with it....

And remember - it's only been two days - take it a day at a time - better yet - take it a breath at a time bro - all my best....

[Timma]

Fog thank you so much. Thats exactly what i needed to hear. I definitely do not want to lose her, nor does she want to lose me. When she first told me again I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Then after thinking about it and talking with her i want to do everything I can to keep her. I truly do love her for everything she is. God it's hard to hold back the tears.

Thanks for the advice Fog. I truly appreciate it.

[Bouncer]

this thread is like an episode from the view. the estrogen is strong with this one.

[Timma]

this thread is like an episode from the view. the estrogen is strong with this one.

Just accept it. :P

[Bouncer]

Just accept it. :P

the estrogen got to hard to accept when foghat came in and the thread spilled over with estrogen. i get gyno just from reading one of his posts..

just trying to give you a laugh timma.

[Timma]

the estrogen got to hard to accept when foghat came in and the thread spilled over with estrogen. i get gyno just from reading one of his posts..

just trying to give you a laugh timma.

I know you are and thanks for that.

[Shibby]

Fog thank you so much. Thats exactly what i needed to hear. I definitely do not want to lose her, nor does she want to lose me. When she first told me again I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Then after thinking about it and talking with her i want to do everything I can to keep her. I truly do love her for everything she is. God it's hard to hold back the tears.

Thanks for the advice Fog. I truly appreciate it.

To me it sounds like a bunch of denial. It's the same reason so many relationships are off and on before they are over. Someone is not happy, but both are scared of loosing the comfort each brings. In the end it all ends up being resentment. I'll give you a quote from Cocktail (I think that's right), "All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end." I know this isn't the happy ending message you are looking for but this is what everyone has gone through that's ends a serious relationship.

[Bouncer]

To me it sounds like a bunch of denial. It's the same reason so many relationships are off and on before they are over. Someone is not happy, but both are scared of loosing the comfort each brings. In the end it all ends up being resentment. I'll give you a quote from Cocktail (I think that's right), "All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end." I know this isn't the happy ending message you are looking for but this is what everyone has gone through that's ends a serious relationship.

i don't entirely agree. sometimes things end on a good note.

[Shibby]

Maybe with a sense of peaceful closer, but things still aren't ending because it's good.

[alwaysgrowing]

i don't entirely agree. sometimes things end on a good note.

usually ending on a good note means paying her and never having to deal with her again.

but seriously Timma, I try to look at every situation this way: If is just an experience, wheter it is good or bad, depends how you take it and run with it. You can use it as a learning experience or motivation. Or you can let the situation win, and sulk and become something you are not. Stay strong, and learn

[Timma]

i don't entirely agree. sometimes things end on a good note.

I agree with you. I mean yeah we want to work things out and it may end with us getting back together. it happens all the time.

[Timma]

usually ending on a good note means paying her and never having to deal with her again.

but seriously Timma, I try to look at every situation this way: If is just an experience, wheter it is good or bad, depends how you take it and run with it. You can use it as a learning experience or motivation. Or you can let the situation win, and sulk and become something you are not. Stay strong, and learn

I know what you mean man. I went through a little sloppy of a divorce last year. I def will not be a sulker. I already have my spirits up somewhat.

[Shibby]

I hope it does work out for you, I just want to give you an outside opinion of how everything sounds. Even if you would be happy working it out, the relationship won't be happy if she stays in it because it's easier and then she resents her decision or resents you because she feels she lost herself adjusting to make the situation work.