What would you guys do?

[redsquirrel]

Ok, so we had a BBQ for the 4th. Invited like 4 of our neighbors & their families, and some of our BBing friends. All the BBing people showed up.

Well, about halfway through, 3 of the neighbors show up- just the husbands. And I was asking them if they wanted anything to eat, needed a beer, etc. They said no thanks. Then I asked them where the wives & kids were...They said they were all up at one of the other neighbors house. I was thinking..hmm- wtf? Mind you- the person's house they were at was invited, and was one of the husbands who showed up. They didn't socialize with the rest of the crowd at ALL. So, I went into the living room to chat w/ them again, and got a little more info. Turns out- they all went up to that guys house for their own BBQ, after they were invited to ours!!! The one guys said "Blame my wife, blame my wife..." Then it clicked- And I said, "Oh, oh- now I get it... Well, thanks for stopping by." With a BIG dose of sarcasm.

Now, I'm not in high school- if they want to be anti social and only hang out with people they know well, then fine, but can someone please tell me WHY they would come down to my house, only for me to find out they all did their own BBQ?? I mean, just don't come! You don't have to come & rub it in my face & hurt my feelings? I mean, who does that? While, I can understand maybe the guys didn't realize how it would make me feel, you KNOW the wives had to say "wait- that might not be a good idea".

What should I say to them?

[Bouncer]

just don't talk to your neighbors. more trouble then its worth.

[redsquirrel]

just don't talk to your neighbors. more trouble then its worth.

Oh, absolutely; with the exception of one...One of them came to the house, and we have been friends with him for about 10 years. I have no problem not talking to the rest of the douche bags. We only hang out with them because it's convenient. I think part of the problem is his wife- she can really only have one friend at a time, claims she hates drama & gossip, yet is in the thick of it all the time. That's why this whole situation is so upsetting to me- because we are good friends with them, and they did this.

[NewbieChris]

..but can someone please tell me WHY they would come down to my house, only for me to find out they all did their own BBQ?? I mean, just don't come! You don't have to come & rub it in my face & hurt my feelings? I mean, who does that? While, I can understand maybe the guys didn't realize how it would make me feel, you KNOW the wives had to say "wait- that might not be a good idea".

Maybe the guys thought it was a dick move of their wives? Maybe the husbands decided to come down not to be dicks. On the note of them not socializing, sometimes people don't intermingle because they feel like asses before they got there and make themselves uncomfortable and anti-social (in this case the wives second BBQ). Not always true, but I know that has happened to me.

[Mr I]

You did a good thing inviting them, its all helpful in the long term, don't take it personal, some people don't think, I mean my wife is like ultra about stuff like that and would never have done that to you or another lady, she would have something if there was a reason she was going something else, not just do whatever on the day.

Sometimes people just arn't very sociable, I took the Mrs to a BBQ once that a lady at work threw, when we were leaving I shook her hand, and both her and my Mrs just looked at me like WTF? then wifey said "well kiss her cheek then!" and they laughed

[Timber]

Sucks being the hot chick in the neighborhood, I do very little socializing with neighbors because people a jealous of what you are,what you have, what you can do. You are more than likely and example of everything they are not. I wouldn't take it personal, it's just the way people are.

[liftsiron]

I think the guys probably came to at least show up and be polite.

[redsquirrel]

I think the guys probably came to at least show up and be polite.

Well, that's what I think, too. But, the wives are smart enough to think "hey, maybe that won't look very good of all of us if just the guys show up". Then it makes me thing the wives were being even bigger dicks than the guys. And how freaking rude of the wives to say behind my back "Well, Red is having a BBQ, but I don't want to go to that. Let's have our own"

I really don't care if they socialized with the other guests or not- but what they did was worse then if they didn't show up at all. It was like they were rubbing it in my face, & that they didn't want to hang out. And it was just totally shitty...Albeit good intentioned, it still really hurt my feelings. I get the part that the men didn't think...still doesn't make it right- especially since one of them that came is a really close friend...well, was a close friend.

[Bouncer]

know what i think? i think you care to much. fuck other people, sometimes you gotta do for yourself and fuck the rest.

[Konitz]

I would act as nothing bothered you. Say hello when you see them and all that. Kill'em with kindness.

[Bouncer]

I would act as nothing bothered you. Say hello when you see them and all that. Kill'em with kindness.

agreed 100%. call her up and just say whats up.

never let anyone get under your skin. smile at her and invite her over for tea. :agreed:

[NewbieChris]

...but what they did was worse then if they didn't show up at all. It was like they were rubbing it in my face, & that they didn't want to hang out. And it was just totally shitty...Albeit good intentioned, it still really hurt my feelings.

I know, I know, I'm young and I don't know the world. I still think the guys definitely came because they thought what their wives wanted to do was a bitchy move. They probably felt awkward and didn't want to socialize because of it. I think you have to understand, for guys its like, fix what you can. They couldn't not have the BBQ because they would be in the dog house. They were NOT trying to rub things in other peoples faces.

[mofo]

it makes total sense. you anticipated for them to come and they didn't until their bellies were already full. i just wouldn't socialize with the neighbors because it's not like you CHOSE to have them live there. a few neighbors on good terms is a good thing to have but it doesn't necessarily mean you invite them over. but that is just me.

at my old house, our neighbor would invite us and all the other people on the street to every party he threw throughout the year. i don't think he anticipated us to show up but it was just a little hint as to the fact that there will be people coming in and out of his house and that there might be a little too much noise. but that was about it.

[redsquirrel]

***Update***

So, I was cooking dinner, and sonis was outside. The neighbor, who is our good friend, came down to chat...well, sonis was like "hey- we gotta have a chat about something" So, he told him how we felt, and that I don't want to really speak to any of them until they apologize. So Chris- you're semi right. He DID want to stop by & say hi. What he didn't realize is how upsetting it would be to find out he went over to the other people's house when they were invited. He said he didn't know they were invited as well. He then said they were at the pool like a week ago, and the other neighbors asked them what they were doing for the 4th. THey didn't really say they were doing much (although we had already invited them, but whatever). He said the other neighbors called at like 2pm on Sat and asked if they were still coming over.

Anyway, sonis said it would have been much better had they not come over at all, because it really hurt my feelings...he then said he didn't mean to do that. Lastly, he would have his wife call me? WTF?? She's equally responsble- she had to know how it would make me feel. I'd LOVE to be a fly on their wall tonight. Now, I can guarantee his snotty wife was like "I didn't do anything wrong, so fuck her. I'm not calling her" She's just that way, too.

And Bouncer- keep in mind I do have to live here, and being on bad terms with your neigbors isn't the funnest thing in the world. In addition, we've been friends with this guy for 10 years, so it's not as easy at may seem to just write them off.

Props to sonis for telling them that I'm mad as hell, and not talking to any of them until I get an apology. The ball is in their court. So, if they don't do anything, they look like even bigger assholes.

[Mr I]

Hey FB, you wanna swap, I got two wierdo gays live opposite and down one with a bad attitude, a kept woman who's guy is clearly married to someone else but comes and sees her in the house he prolly bought for her and no one talks to each other sept us and couple opposite and next door