arranged marriages. thoughts?

[NewbieChris]

you didnt? lol. that what crosses my mind immediately. its an abuse of everything.

i dont understand people like your parents. they obviously came to this country for a reason. but they say things like "you have been white washed" and they want to continue doing everything the same they did back in pakishit. why the fuck didnt they stay there if they liked it so much? for fuck sake, is it so hard to understand that those very same "traditions" they seem to love so much is part of the reason that country is a 4th world shit hole.

Issue with that statement is you are assuming there is a correlation to the religion/arranged marriages and shitty country/moving to America. A lot of people come here for the economic freedom and the personal freedoms (that we seem to lose daily). Some people appriciate their religious herritage and all that goes along with it. I undErstand why you are following that train of thought, just don't think it transcends all boundaries you want it to.

All and all marriage, or rather being with someone the rest of your life, is an attempt to fulfill cultural requirments. I think it's funny that you guys don't see that as the same pressure as religion and marriage. I mean a family unit isn't necessary for the human race to continue. Just a vag and a guy. Hell, a guy could be gay and still impregnate a woman.

[Bouncer]

Issue with that statement is you are assuming there is a correlation to the religion/arranged marriages and shitty country/moving to America. A lot of people come here for the economic freedom and the personal freedoms (that we seem to lose daily). Some people appriciate their religious herritage and all that goes along with it. I und

type 5 pages of shit if you want.

fact remains. many of those "traditions" need to stay in the country of origin. we have no more room for suppressive practices such as "arranged marriage".

[mofo]

A lot of people come here for the economic freedom

Yes. That's true. My dad's main reason for moving here and not taking my mom back to pakistan. My mom has been here for a while. She went to 4 years of high school here and i even had some of her old teachers. My mom lost her parents at the age of 13 and came here so I feel like she doesn't know what it's like to grow up as a teenager in a western society. But I consider myself an American before anything else. I'm a crazy brown girl with a white girl's mind. :P

[Shibby]

Issue with that statement is you are assuming there is a correlation to the religion/arranged marriages and shitty country/moving to America. A lot of people come here for the economic freedom and the personal freedoms (that we seem to lose daily). Some people appriciate their religious herritage and all that goes along with it. I undErstand why you are following that train of thought, just don't think it transcends all boundaries you want it to.

All and all marriage, or rather being with someone the rest of your life, is an attempt to fulfill cultural requirments. I think it's funny that you guys don't see that as the same pressure as religion and marriage. I mean a family unit isn't necessary for the human race to continue. Just a vag and a guy. Hell, a guy could be gay and still impregnate a woman.

You actually think family is nothing more that trying to fit in culturally? Where did you turn to when you got laid off?

[NewbieChris]

type 5 pages of shit if you want.

fact remains. many of those "traditions" need to stay in the country of origin. we have no more room for suppressive practices such as "arranged marriage".

I don't mean to say it is good, or even bad forthat matter. I am talking about arranged marriages on a personal level, not a mass societal level. Personally I thi k we have a very distorted view of "marriage" in this country.

[Bouncer]

I don't mean to say it is good, or even bad forthat matter. I am talking about arranged marriages on a personal level, not a mass societal level. Personally I thi k we have a very distorted view of "marriage" in this country.

arranged marriage is mass societal though. my point was that those traditions are part of what makes pakistan the stone age country that it is.

sure, marriage in America is kind of a joke with over 50% failure but that's not really the subject. its about control and being told who to get married to. that is not acceptable in a civilized country.

[mofo]

Personally I think we have a very distorted view of "marriage" in this country.

How so? I don't understand. For some people marriage is just having kids or because they are already expecting, yes. But 99% of the people that i have seen get married because they want companionship for hthe rest of their lives. Another reason why some elderly people get married. They do it for the innate need for a social life. Yes, there is a higher divorce rate in western societ but that's because in the middle east you can't get a divorce without getting looked down upon.

[Shibby]

How so? I don't understand. For some people marriage is just having kids or because they are already expecting, yes. But 99% of the people that i have seen get married because they want companionship for hthe rest of their lives. Another reason why some elderly people get married. They do it for the innate need for a social life. Yes, there is a higher divorce rate in western societ but that's because in the middle east you can't get a divorce without getting looked down upon.

or simply divorce is only the a choice the man can make.

[Bouncer]

or simply divorce is only the a choice the man can make.

and that's the control. control of the parents over the child and then control of husband over the wife.

arranged marriage is much like religion...CONTROL

[Bouncer]

Yes. That's true. My dad's main reason for moving here and not taking my mom back to pakistan. My mom has been here for a while. She went to 4 years of high school here and i even had some of her old teachers. My mom lost her parents at the age of 13 and came here so I feel like she doesn't know what it's like to grow up as a teenager in a western society. But I consider myself an American before anything else. I'm a crazy brown girl with a white girl's mind. :P

so your parents came here for "freedom" and they are not smart enough to see that many of these traditions they still practice and want to apply to you is the very opposite of freedom. :wack:

[mofo]

What sucks is that even if a couple does go through with the arranged marriages is that traditionally, the girl goes from the control in her own parents' house to the control of her in-laws. I don't do well under restrictions.

[NewbieChris]

You actually think family is nothing more that trying to fit in culturally? Where did you turn to when you got laid off?

For what aspect of it? Moral support, financial support? I mean, I didn't turn to anyone. Told my father first, but I have a unique relationship with him. Talked to my friends the most about it and even then it was sparingly. Talk to my best friends parent about personal matters more than I do my mother. So, in response I see family as a cultural thing. Parent child relationship as an instinctual thing.

[Bouncer]

What sucks is that even if a couple does go through with the arranged marriages is that traditionally, the girl goes from the control in her own parents' house to the control of her in-laws. I don't do well under restrictions.

thats what the fuck i just said. read bitch

[mofo]

thats what the fuck i just said. read bitch

I'm a sheltered pakistani girl that speaks no english. My apologies.

[NewbieChris]

its about control and being told who to get married to. that is not acceptable in a civilized country.

control is everywhere. The question, in a free society, is where that control begins and ends at the hands of government. A free society isn't freedom from control, but freedom from government control. Who are you to say what can occur for someone elses child?