Am I wrong here?

[alwaysgrowing]

For some background information- Addiction runs rampant through my family. I have had my issues, but now channel my energy to the gym and school.

My youngest brother has a serious problem with opiates/heroin. My parents sent him from NJ to Florida for rehab and to a 3/4 house last year. He got clean, but left the 3/4 house because he wanted to drink again. My parents let him move back in. Myself and my other brother let them know this was a bad idea. They went ahead with it anyway. He moved back in May.

I stopped by the house this past Friday and he was high as a kite. I bought a drug test, and gave it to my mother. My brothher admitted to using again. I then had a conversation with her about how she enables him by letting him live home and work sporadically since he got home. He is 22. He pays nothing for his car, insurance, cell phone or food. His money has been going towards drugs and alcohol. She still beleives she is doing the right thing.

Now to the part I am conflicted about. I told her as of this point, I have no respect for her or my father. I am cutting off all contact with them untiil they do what is right. I know it is difficult, but their coddling of him allows him to do this. Both my parents have called me, I told them both to stop calling me until they stop being weak and either put him on the street to hit bottom or send him back to Florida and not allow him back.

Am i wrong for what I did?

[dna9488]

Well he is the youngest sibling. He will be babied heavily. You should still help. Just keep helping because it will help you in the long run. They're still your family man.

[alwaysgrowing]

I try, but can't anymore. I am the only one in my family with any type of drive or goals. Everyone else sits around and does little. I work full time and go to school full time. I am on path to defintely go to an Ivy League law school if I can get my LSAT score up 6 more points. My family is pulling me down, not building me up. I can't sacrifice much more for them

[Shibby]

I have experience with not seeing eye to eye with a parent. I can say that in some cases they sometimes need to be shown the difference between being A child and Their child. I wouldn't ever expect your parents to put him on the streets. I would never do that to my kid. I would work every other option until I was physically unable. So I think you both (you and your parents) need to find some middle ground and work from there.

[Bouncer]

you gotta do what you gotta do. move on if they are holding you down.

[alwaysgrowing]

I have experience with not seeing eye to eye with a parent. I can say that in some cases they sometimes need to be shown the difference between being A child and Their child. I wouldn't ever expect your parents to put him on the streets. I would never do that to my kid. I would work every other option until I was physically unable. So I think you both (you and your parents) need to find some middle ground and work from there.

I don't see how they cannot. He has stole over 10,000 in cash and jewelery. They spent 25,000 getting him sober. When is enough enought? He is going to expect everyone to hand shit to him the rest of his life.

[mofo]

if people want something they will get it. seems like he doesn't want to be sober.

[Shibby]

Until your a parent it's hard to understand that nothing is ever too much for your kids to be safe and alive. Part of him failing will feel to them as their failing. Putting him on the streets is giving up on him and throwing him to a world he is not (at the moment) capable of surviving. All I'm saying is it's not as easy as it may seem from your point of view. You also have to do what's best for you and you know what that is.

[the art of war]

I can speak for myself here bro: tough love is still love. It's fine to be upset , pissed, and walk away from a bad situation. My parents love me to death, and honestly in the past I exploited it and they were enablers for my addiction. I still have a lot of trouble with H and OCs, and it's only gotten somewhat better because I have accepted it and am trying to take the right steps to move on. I can tell you right now, if he doesn't pay for a thing, and doesn't have anything to motivate him, he's going to continue to use. Finding the route of the problem is a first step, but believe me it's a wicked fucking problem. I've disgusted myself with relapsing time and time again, I'm talking w/a half way house out in pheonix and I'm working w/my recruiter to get into the army. In the time being , it's a constant struggle. But I also don't expect a dime from my parents and while I'm at home right now, during the peek of my addiction i was out on my own and I dearly miss freedom, quitting for good is what I want more than anything man. Best of luck, feel free to PM me, I have 6 years of this under my belt :\.

[alwaysgrowing]

BOuncer, that is my thoughts.

Shibby,

by constantly enabling my youngest brother, the other three of us are growing to despise our parents. I believe I am at the point where I am down with them. By saving one, they are losing three.

[the art of war]

BOuncer, that is my thoughts.

Shibby,

by constantly enabling my youngest brother, the other three of us are growing to despise our parents. I believe I am at the point where I am down with them. By saving one, they are losing three.

Can you get that across to your parents bro ? My brother was / is one of the biggest supports to me. I dunno what I'd do without him, he is a great middle ground of firmness and support.

[Shibby]

BOuncer, that is my thoughts.

Shibby,

by constantly enabling my youngest brother, the other three of us are growing to despise our parents. I believe I am at the point where I am down with them. By saving one, they are losing three.

It is what it is. I'm not trying to state any right or wrong. I am not there so everything for me is pure speculation. I don't agree with them just letting it happen. I do agree with wanting to change before you can change. I went through some major drinking issues up through a later age than just the usual college partying type. I knew I should make changes, it's just that I was never doing them for myself. So it was always temporary. At the same time, no one ever gave up on me and I was able to find a need to change for me.

[ROCKETW19]

Wow bro thats ruff, I do see what shibby is saying thoug. My kid is only 5 weeks old and I dont care what she does I have her back untill the wheels fall off. I never understood that feeling before untill I had my own kid.

When I was 20 yrs old out on bail waiting to goto court for some serious crimes. I shot at these people right in front of my house. I was a lil bit out side off the pourch. after I unloaded the gun. I turned to go inside and my mom was standing right there crying her ass off. she told me when the police come I will say i did it. That is fucking nutz my mom was gonna goto prison for me. You can bet your life I will would do the same for my kid right now.

So see I can feel for your mom, Not saying its right or wrong! Thats for you nd your family to figure out. I just wanted to let you know the bond that is there.

[dna9488]

When I was 20 yrs old out on bail waiting to goto court for some serious crimes. I shot at these people right in front of my house. I was a lil bit out side off the pourch. after I unloaded the gun. I turned to go inside and my mom was standing right there crying her ass off. she told me when the police come I will say i did it. That is fucking nutz my mom was gonna goto prison for me. You can bet your life I will would do the same for my kid right now.

So see I can feel for your mom, Not saying its right or wrong! Thats for you nd your family to figure out. I just wanted to let you know the bond that is there.

Holy fuck.... thats unreal

[Bouncer]

I dont care what she does I have her back untill the wheels fall off.

i get what you are saying but at the same time. that way of thinking would do nothing but harm to her. she would never have the need to fix her life because you would enable her to keep doing it. she would eventually OD or go to jail for 20 years or whatever and you would be partly to blame because you didnt make her realize that you will not always be there to enable her.