Am I wrong here?

[the art of war]

I'm so split w/this thread. Behind every addict there are so many enablers. But addiction is honestly one of those areas where it's a life or death choice. Every time I use I push away the only people who really love me. So while I understand what you mean rocket, I always have my friends back, I don't always enable them. Huge difference between enabling and being there and supportive, especially since any addict who is honest will tell you he or she is a con man / woman. I know I must have guilted my parents thousands of times, I seriously regret it now, it's a lot harder to gain respect than to lose it.

[ROCKETW19]

i get what you are saying but at the same time. that way of thinking would do nothing but harm to her. she would never have the need to fix her life because you would enable her to keep doing it. she would eventually OD or go to jail for 20 years or whatever and you would be partly to blame because you didnt make her realize that you will not always be there to enable her.

I know we talked about it when I was saying I am gonna spoil her to death.
I realy do belive you are right about these things but the fact is I will still probably do what ever it is to make her life as easy as I can.

Just as always growings mom is doing for her child.

You guys will see when you have your own. Shit if my kid needed my eye right now i say pop that fucker out if she needed both I would say get me a seeing eye dog and then pop both out.

[ROCKETW19]

I'm so split w/this thread. Behind every addict there are so many enablers. But addiction is honestly one of those areas where it's a life or death choice. Every time I use I push away the only people who really love me. So while I understand what you mean rocket, I always have my friends back, I don't always enable them. Huge difference between enabling and being there and supportive, especially since any addict who is honest will tell you he or she is a con man / woman. I know I must have guilted my parents thousands of times, I seriously regret it now, it's a lot harder to gain respect than to lose it.

I never said enable them on purpose! Of coarse if I relised I was hurting them more I would do what was best for them. Its just when this shit happens will you see correctly?

I bet you always mom thinks she is helping not hurting, Im not the judge of that they are.

[the art of war]

I never said enable them on purpose! Of coarse if I relised I was hurting them more I would do what was best for them. Its just when this shit happens will you see correctly?

I bet you always mom thinks she is helping not hurting, Im not the judge of that they are.

my bad dude, I didn't mean you were doing anything like that on purpose bro. Sorry if that came across wrong, I've been having trouble wording shit in this thread period lol.

[ROCKETW19]

my bad dude, I didn't mean you were doing anything like that on purpose bro. Sorry if that came across wrong, I've been having trouble wording shit in this thread period lol.

No worries bro im not Rado and gonna tell you go fuck yourself.lol

This shit could easly be a part of our lives any day so the more we talk about it the more we will know. Maybe it helps alwaysgrowing today

[the art of war]

for real dude, I feel like I never will lose these fucking demons. I know it takes about 6 months of clean living to really get past the post acute withdrawal symptoms of heavy years of abuse. Feels like an almost impossible job when it's all you know. I'm glad I have some help coming up.

[alwaysgrowing]

Thaks for the responses everyone. I am tired of being the child who has to act as the parent. I am always the one my parents run to when my brother screws up. He has robbed pharmacies, among other things to get what he needs. I;'m fed up. I wrote both my parents an email stating how I am tired of being dragged through hell because they can't toughen up. I recently moved, and haven't had them over to my new place. I am cutting off all contact with them. I have to do what is best for me, which is to cut off contact with all my family. This is not going to be easy, but my future depends on it.

[Shibby]

Never feel what you are doing is wrong. You are taking care of yourself and there is nothing wrong with that.

[alwaysgrowing]

Never feel what you are doing is wrong. You are taking care of yourself and there is nothing wrong with that.

Thank you Shibby. I do beleive my parents will end up being hypocrites though. They say they are doing what is best for my brother. My email told them what is best for me is to cut off contact with most of my family. I have a feeling they will end up trying to conntact me, which will cement my decision.

[Konitz]

This could sound harsh or selfish but here it is anyways, at this point in your life there is only one person that matters and that is you, sometimes you need to cut off the fat to succeed in life. Whatever you need to do to reach your goals and become successful you do it . Because when you need the help because you made sacrifices for other people, how do you know someone will be there to help you?

[ROCKETW19]

This could sound harsh or selfish but here it is anyways, at this point in your life there is only one person that matters and that is you, sometimes you need to cut off the fat to succeed in life. Whatever you need to do to reach your goals and become successful you do it . Because when you need the help because you made sacrifices for other people, how do you know someone will be there to help you?

Dude you are fuckin crazy I would never cut off my mom for sucsess(sp?)
I would live on the streets and be close to my mom over a mansion and not talking to her.

[Shibby]

Dude you are fuckin crazy I would never cut off my mom for sucsess(sp?)
I would live on the streets and be close to my mom over a mansion and not talking to her.

I'm sure you have a good relationship with your mom though. Starting about 5 years ago I didn't talk to my dad for a little over 2 years (My parents divorced when I was like 3 or 4). It was continually more tough between us as I got older. Things aren't as close now, but they are pleasant. So it was a choice between the same horrible relationship and still have the dad/son dynamic or show him that things between us need to change.

Now I would never do that with my mom (I think) but my relationship with my mom has always been totally different than with my dad.

[alwaysgrowing]

This could sound harsh or selfish but here it is anyways, at this point in your life there is only one person that matters and that is you, sometimes you need to cut off the fat to succeed in life. Whatever you need to do to reach your goals and become successful you do it . Because when you need the help because you made sacrifices for other people, how do you know someone will be there to help you?

Exactly how I feel. You come into the world alone and go out the same way.

[alwaysgrowing]

Dude you are fuckin crazy I would never cut off my mom for sucsess(sp?)
I would live on the streets and be close to my mom over a mansion and not talking to her.

I would in a second. It may sound selfish, but I do come first. I can't be the rock for everyone, so I start with me. The path I am on right now, if completing it means disconnecting from my family, I will do it in a second. And it seems like I need to at this point.

[Mr I]

For some background information- Addiction runs rampant through my family. I have had my issues, but now channel my energy to the gym and school.

My youngest brother has a serious problem with opiates/heroin. My parents sent him from NJ to Florida for rehab and to a 3/4 house last year. He got clean, but left the 3/4 house because he wanted to drink again. My parents let him move back in. Myself and my other brother let them know this was a bad idea. They went ahead with it anyway. He moved back in May.

I stopped by the house this past Friday and he was high as a kite. I bought a drug test, and gave it to my mother. My brothher admitted to using again. I then had a conversation with her about how she enables him by letting him live home and work sporadically since he got home. He is 22. He pays nothing for his car, insurance, cell phone or food. His money has been going towards drugs and alcohol. She still beleives she is doing the right thing.

Now to the part I am conflicted about. I told her as of this point, I have no respect for her or my father. I am cutting off all contact with them untiil they do what is right. I know it is difficult, but their coddling of him allows him to do this. Both my parents have called me, I told them both to stop calling me until they stop being weak and either put him on the street to hit bottom or send him back to Florida and not allow him back.

Am i wrong for what I did?

You need to go your own way, she is conflicted and frightened to see him on the street, thats love. We can all say he should be slung out but if something happened she would feel terrible, he knows that, its annoying.

They are your family but you do your thing, it sounds like you would be better off putting some physical distance there so you don't keep getting emotionally dragged down into it.