How long?

[ROCKETW19]

Sounds to me like you need to forgive and chill out, holding grudges is no good, my lady laughs if she goes for the towel on a morning and its all hard because she went straight to sleep so I beat one out all over the bath towel:thumup::thumup:

I agree but thats not a grudge bro she was hurt by that i can understand what shes saying a lil bit not totaly cuz i am a man but enough to know she was hurt by it. All they need to do is sit down and air it all out.

[Shibby]

LOL. Well, easier said than done. Here are my 2 problems:

1) I was pretty upset with him when I was pregnant because he didn't want to have sex. In fact, he didn't want to do anything. He doesn't know this, but I actually saw him in the shower beating it once- I WAS MORTIFIED. It felt like he was cheating on me. I wanted to have sex and he chose to beat it?!?!?! So, it's hard to forget those things & especially hard for me to go blow him. I'm a stubborn bitch- I base a lot of my ideals on principle. This is one of them. After feeling that way, I don't want to do him any more favors. I mean I carried his child for 10 months for chrissake.

2) I would say the connection has been lost for quite some time. Trying to rekindle it is tough. I know it's there, but buried. After we lost our first child in 06, we had baby sex alot that year. It became a real chore- no passion, no spontanaeity, etc. Nothing happened...so we continued on this cycle for 2 years until finally last July. That alone kills any connection. I'm trying to get back into the swing because I for sure don't want to be one of those couples who don't have sex.

And bouncer- yes, there was that instance...but that was about 8 years ago, before we got married. You're right about 1 thing- we for sure need some hormones or test or something.

This may sound harsh, but you need to get over yourself. If you two can't be comfortable with each other sexually, who are you going to have that kind of trust with. Sure he could have made you feel more desired when you were pregnant. He chose to take care of himself, but he could have had some one else do it.

I don't know what principles and ideals have to do with having sex or being sexual. But you can be adults AND parents. You don't have to choose. Being stubborn is just stupid. Unless your marriage is about keeping score and not being happy...

[Bouncer]

This may sound harsh, but you need to get over yourself. If you two can't be comfortable with each other sexually, who are you going to have that kind of trust with. Sure he could have made you feel more desired when you were pregnant. He chose to take care of himself, but he could have had some one else do it.

I don't know what principles and ideals have to do with having sex or being sexual. But you can be adults AND parents. You don't have to choose. Being stubborn is just stupid. Unless your marriage is about keeping score and not being happy...

agreed. red you sound like a bitter old women to me. you know i love ya but you do.

all these things you are talking about need to be addressed with him! go talk with a professional about all this stuff. you just dont sound happy to me regardless of what you say otherwise.

[redsquirrel]

This may sound harsh, but you need to get over yourself. If you two can't be comfortable with each other sexually, who are you going to have that kind of trust with. Sure he could have made you feel more desired when you were pregnant. He chose to take care of himself, but he could have had some one else do it.

...

Get over myself? I'm really don't care that it is harsh or not. What I do care about is someone making a judgment call on something I don't think any of you have a clue about. Have you ever had to have baby sex for 3 YEARS???? Have you ever experienced having to deliver a dead child only to have to wait another 3 years of the heartache and frustration of not being able to get pregnant??? It's less than romantic. All you care about is getting pregnant. Then, every month you cry & blame yourself. There is no passion, no desire, it's all about getting a job done, and at a specific time no less. In addition to being pumped full of this drug & that, all the while putting weight on you making you feel less & less attractive.

So, Shibby- after all of that we are MORE than comfortable with each other- TOO comfortable. The hurdle that I see relates to getting over that "chore" connotation that I think we both associate with sex right now.

I agree that we need to discuss it. But, how exactly would one start a conversation like this? I have no problem going to talk to someone about it.

[Bouncer]

this baby business sounds about as fun as jumping of a cliff.

dont think i want anything to do with it.

[redsquirrel]

this baby business sounds about as fun as jumping of a cliff.

dont think i want anything to do with it.

Well, my recommendation is if you're having trouble past 6 months- go to a specialist & both of you get tested & find out what it's gonna take to get pregnant. Don't do what I did. If I can go back and change it, I would in a second.

[Shibby]

Get over myself? I'm really don't care that it is harsh or not. What I do care about is someone making a judgment call on something I don't think any of you have a clue about. Have you ever had to have baby sex for 3 YEARS???? Have you ever experienced having to deliver a dead child only to have to wait another 3 years of the heartache and frustration of not being able to get pregnant??? It's less than romantic. All you care about is getting pregnant. Then, every month you cry & blame yourself. There is no passion, no desire, it's all about getting a job done, and at a specific time no less. In addition to being pumped full of this drug & that, all the while putting weight on you making you feel less & less attractive.

So, Shibby- after all of that we are MORE than comfortable with each other- TOO comfortable. The hurdle that I see relates to getting over that "chore" connotation that I think we both associate with sex right now.

I agree that we need to discuss it. But, how exactly would one start a conversation like this? I have no problem going to talk to someone about it.

You missed what I meant about getting over yourself. You came here to get some opinions, primarily guys, and I'm just being straight with you. I meant nothing in regards to the baby things. You want sex to not be a chore don't treat the solution like one. Go for what you want, don't act like a schoolgirl waiting for a guy to talk to her. Be adventurous, create excitement, don't be predictable, don't make a schedule (e.g. not now, maybe in an hour), don't worry about if the exchange is equal, don't be selfish, just be with each other and strive to make each other happy/satisfied... which in return should make you happy.


Don't think I am telling this to you as if it's one sided. If Sonis was here asking for opinions I would be telling him the same things. I would be telling him to stop being so passive, to stimulate you mentally, to be patient with your schedule, to whack it less to increase sexual desire...

[jack tors]

not knowing your history i would start with these suggestions

see a therapist individual or both to start - b4 its too late

get a babysitter go out Sat. nights or at least more frequently. to a movie or dinner and come back when the baby is asleep. the important part is when the baby is sleeping.

buy sexy lingerie... be a freak in bed guys want there girl to be a whore every now and then LOL

a baby is a lot of stress on a relationship more than ppl know. i dont recommend it unless you REALLY want it

i dont understand any of the shibby comments...

[beefcake]

Watch porn together. If that doesn't do it, then something's up.

[Shibby]

i dont understand any of the shibby comments...

"I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad" - Sheldon

[bigscott]

red if all else fails . you can call meeeee :hibb: :)


all in all -- feel you 2 need to seek counseling to get over the harder issues !!

then both of you need to try and make sex fun again .. babysitter and some time out with just you 2 is a good start .

good luck red

[the art of war]

"I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad" - Sheldon

"Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth"? You got that from Vickers' "Work in Essex County," page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you, is that your thing, you come into a bar, read some obscure passage and then pretend - you pawn it off as your own, as your own idea just to impress some girls, embarrass my friend?"

my boys wicked smart :D

[Mr I]

One last thing Red....If you need some counseling, send me a PM and I'll send you a link where you can access to a full site that we paid for and it's helped us out with some issues....I paid for it and have access to it 24/7........You can DL as Mp3's to your ipod and other shit....Just a thought..It's really good stuff and it's free, so why not make an attempt....ttyl.

:thumup:

[Bouncer]

Red;

You really need to confront him about this...With that said, I do see where Sonis is coming from; at one point, I was like this with her while she was prego and after. Unless you have concrete proof he cheated on you, get over it and move on. Otherwise it'll keep eating you up inside.

Fortunately her and I have always had a great sex life, but we talk about it quite a bit. You have to be able to be 100% comfortable with your partner in order to have that good sex life. I also find the wife attractive and beautiful regardless of what she looks like; period. I love her unconditionally.

You also need to do your part. Throw that shit at him and see if he rejects it. If he does, then you have more serious issues and it's OK to bring them up and speak about them. This is a marriage, not just a relationship. It's a lot of work and a lot of communication!!!!

Not to get too personal here...But has your vagina got worse looking since the baby? If you don't feel like answering, PM me the answer. Some or most men don't like vaginas with bigger/thicker lips that hang. And this typically happens after kids come out. Oh wait, didn't you have a C section? I don't remember.

I personally love fatter vaginas. You also don't seem to be confident with yourself. Take charge, slap him around, rip his clothes off, just have really good sex with him. I love it when she does that. TAKE CONTROL.

Fuck what he thinks. Show him you still want him. NOW with that said, if he doesn't respond to you, well go buy some rat poison:D j/k....Don't do that:P

it was a good post until i got to fat vaginas. lmao

[beefcake]

Did somebody say beef curtains? :dunno: