How can I learn to be a bad-ass?

[fl8meplz]

Ok, I am a decently big guy at 6'1" 220. But, I have been told by a couple of ladies that I am just too damn nice. I am not a pussy though and can make people back off when confronted. But, still I want to become more mysterious and have more of an exciting aura around me than I do now. I considered training for mixed martial arts contest fighting, maybe getting a tatoo and a few piercings and making friends with a rough crowd. Yes, I am serious.

My lack of dangerousness is even affecting my marriage so this is now a serious problem. So, I need some suggestions on how to achieve this without actually getting killed in the process.

Another thought was to try to get a part-time job as a bouncer somewhere. But, I hate cigarrette smoke, so maybe that's out.

Help!!

[lxorl]

My suggestion is to be yourself... you wife fell in love with you... not your idea of macho ! But, taking martial arts is not a bad idea, it is good for the self esteme, will get you in better shape, and may even make you seem a little more dangerous..... dont go get covered in tattoos just to make your self feel tougher.

[fl8meplz]

Thanks, yeah that was my first instinct is to just be myself. But, I am facing tough competition. Wife has fallen for a guy half her age. He's a construction worker and part-time bouncer. Plus, he has a lot of tatoos that he got..... in prison. I am dead serious about this.

My life is kinda seriously fucked-up right now, so I admit I am grasping at straws and trying to hang on to what little self-esteem I have left. I earn what most would consider an assload of money, am in great shape, my daughters love me, and am told that I am too kind. So, maybe you can see why I question my actions and where it has gotten me.

Women may think that men are cruel assholes sometimes, but in my opinion women have us beat hands down at fucking with our hearts and heads. They seem to know instinctively when a hug and three little words would do you good... but choose not to so they can watch you die a little inside.

[Doom]

You could just pick a fight for no damn reason.. honestly though I am the guy your parents warned you about, and Im not fond of it. I laugh about it now as Im a bit calmer, but its not a great life when you gotta where the vest to work, and ur not a cop...

You can be whatever you want, but dont be soemthing just for someone else, thats where you really can get hurt

[Doom]

Ok, too bad that wasnt up before I posted this ^
You have your self established and she wants to walk off with something that you wouldnt wanna scrape of your shoe...walk away bro, in a yr see where she is, you'll be able to laugh about it

being respected is far better than being feared

[fl8meplz]

Hey Doom, thanks. That reminds me I have even considered hiring a couple of large tough looking actors to come up to my wife and I at night in a parking lot and act like they are trying to jack us. We would have it all correographed before hand so that she sees me grab each one and toss them or knock there heads togetehr three stooges style. Then they would run off and I would shout "Tell your friends who beat your ass!"

Maybe then, I would be her hero..

[fl8meplz]

Originally posted by Doom


being respected is far better than being feared

Thanks, I will try to keep it in mind as I work through this.

[Doom]

not a problem, I hope this is gets easier as time goes on
feel free to Pm me if you wanna talk off the site

[IntensityX]

Don't change bro,the only one that you should impress is your wife,she counts and if she likes the way you are then don't change.

Eat,Learn,Train,Grow
IntensityX

[new231]

Don't change who you are for someone else, even if that someone else is your wife. In the future you will find someone who really loves you for who you are on the inside and out.

[Nekrawulf]

Unfortunately people change, and it sounds as though your wife has changed. Mabey she feels inadequated in some portion of her life, and thinks a younger, rougher companion will make her complete and fill the void that she is feeling. I myself went through something similar in the past few years. DO NOT change yourself for anybody but yourself, and dont do it for the sake of your wife. What you both need is time apart to re-evaluate your lives, because it sounds that both of you are slowly drifiting apart. She seems to think she will find solstice in another life that is not her own, and you seem to be struggling to stay afloat.

Take this from someone who just very recently dealt with this... Let her go.... let her do her own thing, carry on with your life without her. Try new things and allow her to continue on whatever path she wants. You 2 definately need some space to re-evaluate your lives...If at the end, she decides she likes her new life better.... then let her go.

It may hurt, but not nearly as much as persistent years of anger and resentment that trying to stay together would bring about.

Just seperate for a bit, and try things on your own... it will be a breath of fresh air.

[Shibby]

IMO, trying to put a front on to impress your wife is only a temporary solution. You are who you are and changing that will only make you unhappy. Once you resent her the problems will rise up again and then you will have taken a bad turn in your life for nothing. Think about what you will loose for her. Just because you keep her around a little longer, is that worth loosing your kids respect or even worse ther love.

[dreamgirl]

I 100% AGREE WITH NEKRAWULF! Listen to him! He is right! Your wife is the one who has changed and there probably isn't anything you can do to get her to look at you differently. tatoos and piercings are temporary but will last a lifetime. maybe miss right is out there waiting and this is really a blessing in disguise... I always look at situations like this in that way.

[Primal Instinct]

I can say this from experience...I have gone through this situation with a long term gf and she broke up with me. There were a lot of other factors involved but things were also similar to your situation, like I helped raise her 3 children over 6 years, house, etc... They were like MY children by then and I missed them the most. I still occasionally run into them, as we share the same basic interests but show no signs of attraction to her anymore. I feel much less of an attraction to her, in fact because she hasn't changed much but I grew. Eventually, I got over it and moved on with my life. Perhaps I have a slight aversion to committment now, hmmm...

I too, am told "You are so nice (or sweet)" Blech.... In my experience, women seem to like the challenge of the "hunt". If you show them too much accessibility, they will become bored with you, knowing that you are a pushover for them. This can be a turnoff for many women and can be misconstrued as a sign of weakness. It is not but that's their impression. It's too easy.

I know that if I'm with a woman I'd like to enter a relationship (or solidify one) with the best possible attraction to them is to be yourself, good or bad. If they genuinely are interested in you, you'll know it. Sometimes women need a trigger to see you in a romantic relationship type of light otherwise, you're just "a great friend." In some cases, they need to see another woman spark interest in you. I know, it's all effed up but it is true. Here's an example...Over the summer, I met a woman who I was very interested in. She has an awesome personality and is cute too. She showed some interest in me too but also a bit of an aire of unattainability to me. Sort of a type of nervous sexual tension, lol. Anyway, I was outside the venue we were attending with her and a group of 5 female friends (they were having a cigarette) when I asked if anyone wanted anything from the store nearby. When I left, the girls that I knew commented on that I looked really good with my new haircut and I was looking pretty damn fit too :agree: (I got the scoop later from one of the girls there). So, the rest of the weekend this girl was almost glued to me. It was just that she needed some positive reinforcement from those around her. They sort of brought me to her attention on a different level. She may have seen them as competition, I dunno but it definitely worked out in my favor.

Anyway, if you try too hard to hold on to your wife, you may cause her to push even farther away. I have been on both sides of this particular issue and have learned it the hard way. I know how bad it hurts but try to give her space. The odds are that she may find that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Either way, love her and your children unconditionally but don't put your life completely on hold for her. Make her see you also can move on. If it is meant to be, you will eventually get back together. If not, then you can confidently know that you tried your best. My heart goes out to you, fl8meplz. If you ever need to talk just IM me or post here for me. Good luck.

[wrath_of_con]

This is gonna be harsh..so if you dont want to hear harsh...dont read it.

Change for her? As she's spitting in your face?!

Look man... take care of your little girls, you are their dad and be strong for them.

Get pictures of your wife cheating on you (if thats what you mean by her falling for some guy), you may want to use these if it comes down to you trying to get custody of the kids.

Make sure you get your money separate for her. New account she doesnt know about.

Use her a few last times... tell her shit like 'get over here bitch and suck my dick', etc. Use her ass raw. make sure you are wearing condoms if shes been banging the prison guy. Make sure she's aware that that pussy was yours first.

Then tell her - its an easy choice - stay here with this family or get the fuck out!

Unless of course you are happy being her (and his) bitch. Look up the word "cuckhold". If thats you, have fun. If its not, look out for your kids, and tell her "Get out whore!"