Ok..I'll try n get this right.....from what I can remember. As you know I lost my son to suicide this past Christmas morning. To say I've had my world flipped upside down don't come close.
Lost a lot of weight. No sleep depressed all fucked up to say the least. I finally went and asked for help just to try n sleep. I realized finally when falling asleep at work early in am. I was fucked to say the least.
Dr subscribes me some shit to..reset my clock for 2 days. Day 1 goes good..I get 6 hours sleep. Most in 2 months. Averaging maybe 2 hours a day since his death.
Second day...8 hours sleep. I wake up...get in fight with wife...shit goes bad! I leave...no idea where I'm going...wind up where we spread my son's ashes..while crossing bridge..I see no fence...think to my self...I could fall off this easy n be in water with my son.dead...done...suicidal...
I fight with wife from 6 am till dark. I say shit..I don't remember saying 5 min later..hurtfully hatefully things not me by any means. I drink or eat nothing by 9 pm...finally get bottle of water....by now...wife has realized..I'm not me...meds have me fucked up...paranoid...suicidal maniac..anger arms twitching shaking nerves are fucked up..eyes burning...all severe symptoms of this med..
She tells me she called state police to find me and make sure I'm ok...I feel out go into Army mode...EnE mentally...I hide truck in woods and watch bridge comming onto island. Cops comes across...I pulled chip out of phone n haul ass off island. Use compass on truck. Head saw on back roads dirt roads anything I can find....I have no clue where I am...or where I'm going.... Fucking cops ain't getting me!
2 hours or so later I'm 60 miles away....put chip in call wife...she convinced me its the meds and please come home...I tell her...if I see a road block I'm fucking ramming it!...
Anyway...I made it home save about 3 am...I never knew anything was wrong! I never felt off! My brain was fucked! Next am... headache from hell..arm n shoulder still twitching uncontrollable...crazy shit....by noon....I was me again. Talking with wife putting the pieces of all this together....man I put her thru hell!
Sunday was a good day I went fishing with some buds..told them what happened..gave them a hug as I was glad to be here and see them.
Today is Tuesday doing fine except shoulder n arm still twitching throughout day on occasion.
First time in my life I ask for help and it about destroyed me!
Lost a lot of weight. No sleep depressed all fucked up to say the least. I finally went and asked for help just to try n sleep. I realized finally when falling asleep at work early in am. I was fucked to say the least.
Dr subscribes me some shit to..reset my clock for 2 days. Day 1 goes good..I get 6 hours sleep. Most in 2 months. Averaging maybe 2 hours a day since his death.
Second day...8 hours sleep. I wake up...get in fight with wife...shit goes bad! I leave...no idea where I'm going...wind up where we spread my son's ashes..while crossing bridge..I see no fence...think to my self...I could fall off this easy n be in water with my son.dead...done...suicidal...
I fight with wife from 6 am till dark. I say shit..I don't remember saying 5 min later..hurtfully hatefully things not me by any means. I drink or eat nothing by 9 pm...finally get bottle of water....by now...wife has realized..I'm not me...meds have me fucked up...paranoid...suicidal maniac..anger arms twitching shaking nerves are fucked up..eyes burning...all severe symptoms of this med..
She tells me she called state police to find me and make sure I'm ok...I feel out go into Army mode...EnE mentally...I hide truck in woods and watch bridge comming onto island. Cops comes across...I pulled chip out of phone n haul ass off island. Use compass on truck. Head saw on back roads dirt roads anything I can find....I have no clue where I am...or where I'm going.... Fucking cops ain't getting me!
2 hours or so later I'm 60 miles away....put chip in call wife...she convinced me its the meds and please come home...I tell her...if I see a road block I'm fucking ramming it!...
Anyway...I made it home save about 3 am...I never knew anything was wrong! I never felt off! My brain was fucked! Next am... headache from hell..arm n shoulder still twitching uncontrollable...crazy shit....by noon....I was me again. Talking with wife putting the pieces of all this together....man I put her thru hell!
Sunday was a good day I went fishing with some buds..told them what happened..gave them a hug as I was glad to be here and see them.
Today is Tuesday doing fine except shoulder n arm still twitching throughout day on occasion.
First time in my life I ask for help and it about destroyed me!
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